Carr Battery

INT. BAKERY - DAY

JIMMY CARR APPROACHES THE COUNTER

JIMMY:
How much are your pies?

LADY:
Two pound sir.

JIMMY:
Are they hot?

LADY:
Yes, they've only just came out of the oven.

JIMMY:
So if they cool down a touch, I'll save 20% on the VAT. Go and blow on one for me.

LADY:
No, they'll still be two pound. I know the loophole you're referring to, but we don't use that; we've always paid the VAT on our hot pies.

JIMMY:
Jesus. Bloody lefties. Alright. Give me a pie, and your off-shore bank details, and I'll arrange for my accountant to wire a payment over. And don't forget my receipt, this is tax-deductible.

LADY:
We need the cash up front I'm afraid Mr Carr.

JIMMY:
My God. Any cash-back via quidco?

LADY:
Erm, no.

JIMMY:
What is this, the 1800s? Look, I'm not paying full whack. How about you give me 20% off, and I give you a signed photograph?

LADY:
Go on then, I'll have one of David Mitchell.

For such a short turn aroundthat's not bad at all.

Maybe a little tighter but otherwise its a lovely marrying of 2 stories.

I'd get it off to NR sharpish/

Quote: sootyj @ June 19 2012, 2:41 PM BST

I'd get it off to NR sharpish/

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Cheers Soots, I'll fire her off.

But you know maybe look at taking a few words out, tightening it up a little.

And maybe get some Jimmy Carr jokes.

And would the punchline be better if it was Alan Carr

Oh right, can I keep the title?

Yes, consider me the Fritzell of BCG I only hurt the ones I love

but its a damn good sketch and enviably fast turn around

I agree with Sootyj especially at the end where the baker should mistake his name for Alan Carr.

And perhaps make Jimmys repostes more Jimmy

Sorry to disagree, but I think the linking of the old pasty story with this new one weakens it considerably, and you'd be much better off focusing on the Carr story alone. There are plenty of angles. We asked a 100 people... did you know for example... what have people been talking about this week.. etc

Badge made exactly the point I wasn't going to make in the first place but am now.

Cheers chaps. But apart from the old story merger, the lack of Jimmy Carr-like material, the waffle and the weak ending it's pretty good right?

Yeah, the words are knockout! Some of them. Though come to think of it I've seen most of those words before...

Just to be pedantic, pies are not subject to VAT if they are hot from the oven, only if they are kept warm. But with that minor quibble, and those mentioned by other posters, it is excellent.

This is News Revue you're writing for they're not that fussed if a story is a little dated.

Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ June 20 2012, 12:02 AM BST

Cheers chaps. But apart from the old story merger, the lack of Jimmy Carr-like material, the waffle and the weak ending it's pretty good right?

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