Sex depravity

-stand up text-

i enjoy sex
(ask hot girl) do you enjoy sex?

(say flirty) niceee looks like we've got something in common

that's how you pick up chicks bro

no it's not she thinks I'm creepy and weird

but anyway I don't get a lot of sex unless I'm in a relationship
which aint often
my longest streak without sex was 2 years and the longer you go
the more depraved shit you start doing

you know you start looking at weirder porn cause normal porn gets boring
and eventually, you will probably f**k something

well

i f**ked a mango.

so I'm sitting at my chair, f**kin this mango
and theres sticky mango juice riding down my crotch
into my ass crack and soaking into the chair
and theres this mess of sticky wet pubic and ass hair goop, bits of mango coming off and makin a nest in my pubes, it was all pretty gushy

(go back to hot girl from beginning, write down phone number) heres my number by the way

i should probably mention that I was pretty f**king stoned when this was happening

why should I mention that
well...
erm...
do I really need to say it?

IT WAS DELICIOUS

You'd have to be one charming swine to sell this to an audience but by all means give it a go. I suspect you might not enjoy the the result though. Besides the fact that there's nothing funny in the content, it fails on a logical level. Mangos are mainly stone and would be useless for f**king. Unless you're deliberately trying to tell the audience you have a dick like a mouse's tongue?

Hmm you might want to look at comedic structures.

You might want to look at watching the comedy of popular comics.

You might want to look at a career as a hermit without internt access.

It was very poor.

Edit: QPR rule...

Simon, why have you decided to post an extract of your sitcom on jeweyleweys stand-up thread?

Didn't see it was a stand up. Thought it was a few phrases from some kind of bar-based scene when skim-reading it. New thread made. Apologies.