Doctor

INT. DAY. DOCTORS PRACTICE

DOCTOR: How may I help you?

MAN: It's my penis doctor. It's a bit on the large side, it's very large, in fact.

DOCTOR: Right. And are you finding intercourse uncomfortable?

MAN: No, it's not uncomfortable at all. Not for me anyway.

DOCTOR: Ok. Is your wife experiencing any pain?

MAN: Well, we're going through a divorce, so she might be. I don't know.

DOCTOR: I'm sorry to hear that.

MAN: To be honest, doc I don't blame her. I wasn't the most faithful of husbands.

DOCTOR: I see. Now are you having any erection problems?

MAN: Nothing wrong in that department, nope.

DOCTOR: Have you been thinking of corrective surgery to reduce the length?

MAN: That wouldn't be an option Doc, I'm enjoying myself too much.

DOCTOR: So, Is there anything actually wrong with you?

MAN: Unless being hung like a donkey is an illness, then I guess not.

DOCTOR: Why the hell are you here then wasting my time, bragging about your penis?

MAN: I just like talking about it.

I was waiting for the "well, if your penis was this big wouldn't you want to tell EVERYONE" joke. I was disappointed it never came so I'm sure the big punchline is very good and all that but I am unable to critique this piece.

the last line should be cut

I've had this problem all my life and it's not funny.

I didn't mean for you to change it, Nigel. You should've left it for others to critique. Sorry man.

no, i disliked it very suddenly. no worries mate

There were some good lines along the way but the ending as it stands is a classic old joke. So on that score, I can't give it a thumbs up, even though it is only the last line.

Can you pervert the ending or twist it so that you avoid comparisons (forgive the pun) with an old standard?

If you change the line to 'we've decided to get a divorce' and take out all refernces in dialogue to doc/doctor, the last line could be 'I just thought I'd pop in to see you mum'.

Quote: roscoff @ January 25, 2008, 12:52 AM

If you change the line to 'we've decided to get a divorce' and take out all refernces in dialogue to doc/doctor, the last line could be 'I just thought I'd pop in to see you mum'.

View original

Quote: roscoff @ January 25, 2008, 12:52 AM

If you change the line to 'we've decided to get a divorce' and take out all refernces in dialogue to doc/doctor, the last line could be 'I just thought I'd pop in to see you mum'.

View original

Great idea.
Agreed. Some good lines in there.

I see you've chopped the end off - or something.

Anyway I was expecting a better climax.

It's well executed but, as SlagA already said, it feels a bit of a let-down cos it's an old joke.

Subvert it somehow and surprise us with the ending and it'll stand up better.

Dan