British Comedy Guide

Intruder

EXT. NIGHT. A WALLED GARDEN

A ROPE LADDER IS SWUNG OVER THE IVY CLAD WALL. AN INTRUDER DRESSED ALL IN BLACK DESCENDS. KEEPING LOW HE SCURRIES BEHIND A BUSH.

AN ALSATIAN DOG APPROACHES, EARS ERECT AND SNIFFING THE AIR. BEHIND THE BUSH THE INTRUDER STAYS AS STILL AS POSSIBLE. AS THE DOG SNIFFS ALONG THE GROUND, THE INTRUDER PRODUCES A JUCY STEAK WHICH IS THRUST UNDER THE DOG'S NOSE.

CUT TO:

THE DOG IS LYING UNCONSCIOUS BESIDE THE REMAINS OF THE STEAK. THE INTRUDER IS RUNNING TO THE HOUSE. HE DARTS BEHIND THE CORNER OF A WALL. A SMARTLY SUITED SECURITY GUARD APPROACHES, WALKIE TALKIE IN HAND, AN OBVIOUS BULGE IN HIS BREAST. THE GUARD PAUSES. PRESSED AGAINST THE WALL THE INTRUDER WAITS. THE GUARD TALKS INTO THE WALKIE TALKIE.

GUARD
All clear. Returning to the house.

THE INTRUDER SIGHS WITH RELIEF.

CUT TO:

THE INTRUDER IS OUTSIDE THE DRAWING ROOM WINDOW. THE CURTAINS ARE OPEN AND AN ELEGANT SOIREE IS TAKING PLACE WITHIN. THE INTRUDER DROPS TO HANDS AND KNEES AND CRAWLS PAST.

CUT TO:

THE INTRUDER IS SQUATTING BEHIND A FLOWERPOT BEFORE THE FRONT PORCH. HE DARTS FORWARD AND PUSHES SOMETHING THROUGH THE LETTERBOX, BEFORE COMMANDO ROLLING AWAY.

CUT TO:

INSIDE THE HOUSE. AN ELEGANT LADY PICKS SOMETHING UP FROM THE DOOR MAT.

LADY (READS)
"Sorry we missed you. We called while you were out."

THE LADY SCREWS UP THE CARD IN FRUSTRATION.

END.

Laughing out loud

Nice!

I don't think it will work for radio! :)

I did consider asking zooo to amend the title to "Definitely not KI..."

:D

Superb

Laughing out loud It's funny cos it's true.

That's excelent

booyah!

Hyuk hyuk

Cheers chaps. A bit of a heartfelt one.

Alas Smith and Jones?

Quote: Stylee TingTing @ June 5 2012, 8:05 PM BST

Alas Smith and Jones?

?

Saw it in the 70s/80s - Cadbury's Milk Tray man-in-black spoof.

He does his thing and leaves a card: "We called but you were out" or words to that effect. Think it was Griff Rhys-Jones or might have been Rowan Atkinson.. might have been Stanley Baxter. Anyone remember?

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