Some one liners.....

A couple of one liners I came up with this morning. And one from a few days ago:

I test drove one of those eco friendly cars the other day. It was a lot like Knightrider, but instead of solving crimes it just said "Hello" to trees.

I went out in the height of fashion last night: Stilts.

Snow White once sang "When hearts are high the time will fly, So whistle while you work". It's good advice, but not if you want to hold down a job at the library.

I don't believe in the concept of post-feminism. I mean, the posts late enough as it is without women getting involved.

I went to the doctors the other day and told him that I'm suffering from reverse deja-vu. He told me "You never do see it coming".

Excellent. A nice mix of intellectual ones and absurd. One or two would make great short sketches if you filmed them. I'm thinking the library and the stilts.

I liked them all. Think the 'Knight Rider' one needs development/polishing as I think it could flow better and you could say something better than 'Hello' ('Grow, you bastard!' or something) but the idea is sound.

Dan

Barbs

Liked them too. The first few were a bit Tim Vine-y (not that that is a bad thing, just reminded me of him).

The bum deal and school disco ones were funny, and the Beta Band one is very good (though I suspect has geeky overtones!)

Dan

I enjoyed these too, Barbs. Some are very sharp.

I really like the stilts one. The deja-vu one is a great idea but I think it could be sharpened somehow. Perhaps the doctor's line could be improved a bit - play around with it.

Snow White one - it reads well, but I'm not sure it would get a laugh if spoken. But that's only my opinion.

Knightrider - I'm unsure. It's a good gag, but maybe a bit too contrived? You would need to somehow bring it in as part of a wider section.

Quote: Winterlight @ January 24, 2008, 9:17 AM

I test drove one of those eco friendly cars the other day. It was a lot like Knightrider, but instead of solving crimes it just said "Hello" to trees.

I don't believe in the concept of post-feminism. I mean, the posts late enough as it is without women getting involved.

I went to the doctors the other day and told him that I'm suffering from reverse deja-vu. He told me "You never do see it coming".

View original

The first two, especially the first one are great. The third one (I think) needs rewording, but great idea.

The others are good too.

Hi Barbs, ay, best to open a new thread in future.

Quote: Barbs @ January 24, 2008, 11:21 AM

Ok - my first foray into posting some material. Just a few one-liners I thought of on the tube the other day...

At long last they’re making a sequel to white men can’t jump. It’s called black men can’t ski

What do blind people call it when they go on a date with someone they don’t know?

My wife’s had a hard time of it of late, so I got her one of those red letter days. Nothing too fancy, just a final demand from BT

A friend offered me tickets for the Beta Band for £20. I said f—k that, I’m not paying to see a band that’s still in testing

I told my dad I was going to quit my job to try comedy. He said ‘son, are you trying to be funny?’

I don’t know if you can tell, but I used to be gay. I paid £200 which got me a rent boy for 20 minutes. In hindsight, it sounds like a bum deal.

I went to the school disco in Hammersmith the other day. Great fun, loads of fit girls, but sadly I’m on the sex offenders list now

There are 6 million bicycles in Beijing. There were 8 million, but Ryanair recently stared flying there from Liverpool

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Sorry Bards, I don't like people taking over other peoples threads please start your own in the future please.

Winter I liked yours as with a lot of jokes, hit and miss, I loved the deja-vu joke but the rest went over my head a bit.

Sorry - I read a thread on one liners the other day and for some reason thought there was a catch-all thread for all one liners. I was also rushing before a meeting.

I've deleted the post and will repost. Apologies Winter.

One more:

Just what is it about high interest rates that makes them so interesting?

Seems like they seem to have gone down quite well. Certain jokes working with certain people. I'm going to start a 'one liners' document I think, with as many as I can think of. Then, perhaps, get up on stage for a 5 minute slot.....

The good thing about one liners winter, is when you have say 20 for a set, if only half work, you've most likely not been gonged off/ heckled because as one "bad" one finished you go straight into another and another.

And I liked the interest joke

some good ones there. especially liked the last two. the 'vu-deja' has the makings of a great sketch.

Love that stilt joke. My birthday isn't far off. Can I have it?

Quote: Winterlight @ January 24, 2008, 12:24 PM

Just what is it about high interest rates that makes them so interesting?

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How long you got?

I thought the lines were OK. Some did seem a bit vaudaville to me. I was expecting the snow white one to be about a doctor treating heart patients. Its very hard to pull off these sort of jokes as stand up thats why most talk about bollocks such as sex and bollocks.

I would do what Slag suggested and write them as sketches.