KI - Nhs

Woman 1 - Hello. Are you here to see a doctor?

Woman 2 - No I just want a repeat prescription

Woman 1 - Prescription. Prescription. (Laughs) a little medical receptionist joke

Woman 2 - I bet the conventions are wild. I head that the NHS were introducing a website to do this tuff and book appointments and stuff. Is that running yet?

Woman 1 - Afraid not. In the meantime we're training the staff to act like the website to help the patients ease into the transition

Woman 2 - How'd you mean?

Woman 1 - That's your repeat prescription for the birth control pill sorted. If you like having unprotected sex maybe you'd also like an aids test. Would you like to add aids test to your basket?

Woman 2 - Sorry?

Woman 1 - Customers who got the pill also got pregnancy tests

Woman 2 - What's going on?

Woman 1 - Th(Silence) Y(Silence) B (Silence)

Woman 2 - I didn't get any of that

Woman 1 - Sorry I was buffering. Thank you for visiting us. Before you leave we would appreciate if you took our survey

Woman 2 - No!

Man 1 - Congratulations you're our millionth customer. Enter your bank details, your address and times when you're out to claim your prize

Woman 2 - What was that?

Woman 1 - Pop up, sorry. Is that all for today?

Woman 2 - Where's my pills?

Woman 1 - They'll be with you in four to six weeks. Next!

END

Familiar- don't bombard Fella!

Quote: dellas @ May 28 2012, 6:17 AM BST

Familiar- don't bombard Fella!

View original

Did you post a similar sketch? And yeah posted quite a few sketches and I binned more than I posted so I thought I was getting better at self editing

To be fair to blah blah, this is a call for submissions and was asked for each submission to be separate so I should think you are alright to post as many as you want old bean.

Then Marc that's a ridiculous imposition that's just going to fill the boards up with individual sketches. Every other script like Newsrevue expects people to put multiples sketches into one thread.

Quote: sootyj @ May 28 2012, 10:39 AM BST

Then Marc that's a ridiculous imposition that's just going to fill the boards up with individual sketches. Every other script like Newsrevue expects people to put multiples sketches into one thread.

View original

Do you mean submissions to the show should be like the Newsjack thread was?

In my view, yes.

It's a good idea nicely and simply done and it's funny.

But I wouldn't explain the whole thing in the first line.

Quote: sootyj @ May 28 2012, 10:39 AM BST

Then Marc that's a ridiculous imposition that's just going to fill the boards up with individual sketches. Every other script like Newsrevue expects people to put multiples sketches into one thread.

View original

Well don;t tell me I was wan't the one who said to do it! Seems to me if the KI bit at the beginning is there you know it is a submission, don;t have to read them all, but I see what you mean about cluttering. I suggest you and Lippy Alison arm wrestle and resolve the issue!

The sketch could do with getting to the central idea quicker, and not explaining it with dialogue before we've had a chance to be wrong-footed.

Re Sootyj's complaint, I'm totally in favour of separate threads for separate sketches, otherwise the feedback gets muddled.

Thanks for the advice - rewrite below (only thing changed is I'm not spelling the scene out adds more punch)

Woman 2 - I'm here to pick up my prescription , please

F/X keyboard typing

Woman 1 - That's your repeat prescription for the birth control pill sorted. If you like having unprotected sex maybe you'd also like an aids test. Would you like to add aids test to your basket?

Woman 2 - Sorry? What are you doing?

Woman 1 - The NHS are planning to launch a website to deal with this sort of stuff and staff are trying to make the transition smooth. Customers who got the pill also got pregnancy tests

Woman 2 - Just my prescription today

Woman 1 - Th(Silence) Y(Silence) B (Silence)

Woman 2 - I didn't get any of that

Woman 1 - Sorry I was buffering. Thank you for visiting us. Before you leave we would appreciate if you took our survey

Woman 2 - I'm in a rush

Man 1 - Congratulations you're our millionth customer. Enter your bank details, your address and times when you're out to claim your prize

Woman 2 - What was that?

Woman 1 - Pop up, sorry. Is that all for today?

Woman 2 - Where's my pills?

Woman 1 - They'll be with you in four to six weeks. Next!

END

Now that really works well.

That is better. Top one left me completely confused as to what was happening.

Good, topical stuff. Let's hope it's still topical in a couple of weeks.

Thanks

Dan

Just in case you've not seen it on the main thread the aim is to have one sketch per person so try and pick your best one and post it up here. (See main thread under opportunities for more details)

Also it's worth asking will this story be topical come the third week of June when the podcast is launched? It may be better to stick to the bigger stories to ensure it is.

On this sketch I like it and think it's a good idea. And, perhaps disagreeing with others, I think it needs a few more lines before the buffering line. You've set the premise up well in the re-write so have a little fun with the idea.

What else would those on the pill also want? Perhaps they are now in a stable relationship so would want vouchers for IKEA and B&Q? The sillier the better I'd say. And what other ideas could the NHS website nick from other sites? 'Your partner likes this and has re-tweeted it to all his mates'. (These ideas aren't gold just some suggestions to show you what I mean.)

So nice idea, play with it a little and you've got a strong sketch there.

Thanks for your feedback Stephen and below is my rewrite (I think this is my strongest sketch for KI) To answer your question I think it will be relevant until the NHS makes the site operational and even though it will not be in the headlines until that time I think it will be instantly recognized by an audience.

Woman 2 - I'm here to pick up my prescription , please

F/X keyboard typing

Woman 1 - That's your repeat prescription for the birth control pill sorted. If you like having unprotected sex maybe you'd also like an aids test. Would you like to add aids test to your basket?

Woman 2 - Sorry? What are you doing?

Woman 1 - The NHS are planning to launch a website to deal with this sort of stuff and staff are trying to make the transition smooth. Customers who got the pill also got pregnancy tests

Woman 2 - Just my prescription today

Woman 1 - Did you mean just my prescription hooray?

Woman 2 - No!

Woman 1 -Patients who take pill are either in stable relationships or see STD's as an occupational hazard. Which are you?

Woman 2 - I have a boyfriend

Woman 1 - Maybe I could interest you in a rain soaked window to stare out of and think how things would have been different if your childhood sweetheart hadn't realised he was a (whistles)

Woman 2 - No, I'm happy!

Woman 1 - You know who's really happy? People who take Prozac. Should I add that to your list?

Woman 2 - No

Woman 1 - Th(Silence) Y(Silence) B (Silence)

Woman 2 - I didn't get any of that

Woman 1 - Sorry I was buffering. Thank you for visiting us. Before you leave we would appreciate if you took our survey

Woman 2 - I'm in a rush

Man 1 - Congratulations you're our millionth customer. Enter your bank details, your address and times when you're out to claim your prize

Woman 2 - What was that?

Woman 1 - Pop up, sorry. Is that all for today?

Woman 2 - Where's my pills?

Woman 1 - They'll be with you in four to six weeks. Next!

END

Quote: Marc P @ May 28 2012, 11:05 AM BST

Well don;t tell me I was wan't the one who said to do it! Seems to me if the KI bit at the beginning is there you know it is a submission, don;t have to read them all, but I see what you mean about cluttering. I suggest you and Lippy Alison arm wrestle and resolve the issue!

View original

Hey I just spotted this - and I can't let that go Marc and Mr Sootyj. I explicitly asked for one sketch each only. You've all ignored me and I get blamed for cluttering the board!! Typical... Good job some of it is funny.

I don't arm wrestle - but I do fence. I'll challenge either of you to a passata-sotto