Opening to my new Sitcom Pilot Page 2

Quote: Garry Lee @ April 18 2012, 2:01 AM BST

For now, I'd just focus on removing all of those little specific character descriptions, as they suggest the script shouldn't be taken seriously. Those are jobs for a wardrobe designer and a casting director, not a script writer.

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It depends what sort of description you put in, as obviously it can help give the reader an idea of character immediately; so things like- DAVID (Late Twenties, Smartly Dressed, severe haircut) and MARK (Late Twenties, Unkempt), serve to give the reader an immediate picture of the characters before they've even spoken.

Quote: Matthew Stott @ April 20 2012, 3:52 PM BST

It depends what sort of description you put in, as obviously it can help give the reader an idea of character immediately; so things like- DAVID (Late Twenties, Smartly Dressed, severe haircut) and MARK (Late Twenties, Unkempt), serve to give the reader an immediate picture of the characters before they've even spoken.

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Absolutely, but the ones I'd read in the script said things like "plaid shirt", and that seems like rather useless information. Unkempt is, as you've said, descriptive and helpful.

It's pronounced plaid.

And The Black Dog were better...

Quote: Garry Lee @ April 22 2012, 2:51 AM BST

Absolutely, but the ones I'd read in the script said things like "plaid shirt", and that seems like rather useless information. Unkempt is, as you've said, descriptive and helpful.

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"Plaid shirt" is more than just incidental costume, those shirts MEAN something!

For f**ks sake it is pronounced 'plaid'!!!

Here is an extended sample of the pilot. It ends abruptly, not by choice, but because I accidentally deleted a bit from the script I was converting and.. Well, it's longer and I want to know how it is.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/90795738/Quarter-Life-Pilot

Jaded bump.