British Comedy Guide

General, General Thread Page 2,429

And that is one of the reasons I heart you, but actually having serious second thoughts about the fishnets now. I did what I always do and think about the outfit rather than how it'll actually look on me, and now I'm focusing on the fishnets it is a bad, bad idea. I have often seen Noel Fielding out and about, and I haven't seen him for ages and ages and now I really need to know where his lion costume was from

Have trawled my entire phone book and it seems that the only person I know who has a black waistcoat is my ex :D Typical. So I should have a black waistcoat on Friday night, then if it fits I'll just order a fedora and then I can just say I'm any bird out of Chicago, right?

Yep!

Is BBC iPlayer working for anyone?

Working for me.

And me. Handy really because I haven't got any other way of watching TV since the switchover.

Thanks.

I think I'm missing something because no streaming happens. Too late now, look at it tomorrow,

In the meanwhile . . . .

Image

:) AWWWwww cute, just watched Panorama, so mines OK.

Someone tried to teach me to play pool last night. I cannot bridge at all, my fingers won't hold. Any tips?

Image
Quote: AJGO @ April 26 2012, 8:44 PM BST

Someone tried to teach me to play pool last night. I cannot bridge at all, my fingers won't hold. Any tips?

There should be one on the end of the cue.

(Just to clarify OR's photos.)

Quote: Oldrocker @ April 26 2012, 9:59 PM BST
Image

Is that Paul Young?

Anyone else notice the similarity?

http://uk.pedigree.com/

http://www.facebook.com/Mikado

Things I've learned from television

- During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a parade - at any time of year.

- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

- The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk
you down.

- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

- If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.

- You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.

- If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

- Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

- All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK stadium.

- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

- It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

Hehehe, some of those are excellent.

:D So true Bill!

Share this page