A mockumentary I'm working on...

This is the first part of a mockumentary that I'm working on. It follows Adam during his training for the 2012 Olympics.

The whole thing was improvised which is how I usually like to work. I'm just looking for feedback on this first installment that I can take into account when working on the next one. What worked, what didn't, etc.?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3siYCf6Ipgo&feature=youtu.be

The whole thing has quite a loose feel to it which I intend to continue with. I was really finding the character as I went along so it's perhaps a bit inconsistent in parts. I'd be interested in hearing if there are any parts that really fell flat or didn't work.

Thanks. I look forward to being critiqued!

Don't continue with the loose feel would be my advice, got two mins in and wished you had scripted it. Good delivery and what not but loose filmed ad lib stuff isn't your forte.

Thanks for watching.

I plan to get a director friend of mine to assist on the next parts which will hopefully drive me to make things tighter. My problem is I'm too impatient and when I'm happy with the delivery of a line or the formation of a new line I'll stick with the take rather than do it until it's perfect.

Not very interesting

improv is a skill in it's self

this is just too lazy to write a script.

Quote: sootyj @ April 18 2012, 11:19 PM BST

Not very interesting

improv is a skill in it's self

this is just too lazy to write a script.

View original

Well, no, it's not just "too lazy to write a script". I didn't intend to write a script for this. Though I do think that any future work I do with this character would benefit from some actual rehearsal and tighter scripting, it was intended to be improvised. The looseness of the dialogue was supposed to be reflective of how someone with no training would actually talk to a camera. But, granted, with comedy the only concern is really, "is this funny or not?" And if you didn't think so, that's fine.

I suppose it exists as a rough sketch, if you will, and something that I will be a bit more disciplined with in the future.

Thank you for watching.

It was quite good but did seem to drag on. Yeah I agree that should script it more, even if its just outline, polish the whole thing up and it should be something very intresting.

In a world that needs another mockumentary like it needs the return of the Black Death, you need to make your one something special.
There's a difference between unscripted and looking unscripted.
Ironically, the difference is a script.

Nice performance that needs one of those big giant pair of scissors they open supermarkets with.

Thanks for watching!

Lazzard, that's a useful comment about the difference between being unscripted and looking unscripted. I suppose there's a struggle between striving for authenticity and having it be funny enough and that'll come through refining the improvisations through rehearsal/multiple takes and developing a script.

Cheers again for watching.

I think it would be useful to add that I'm really more interested in creating character-based comedy rather than writing gags and punchlines. But establishing that character in five minutes and having it come off well requires tighter scripting.

Have a look at my other videos if you want. I did a 4-part series of minute-long videos called 'Love Letters' which was something that was borne of improvisation but scripted.

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3A3C249E382042AD&feature=plcp

The only people who can do improvisation well were writers first. Otherwise it is actors getting above themselves.