Maybe it's the nostalgia brought on by the re-emergence of Ben, but I fancied writing a one-off sketch today. Here you go, it's a bit of an epic...
EXT. HOUSE PARTY - NIGHT
A THROBBING BASSLINE PUMPS FROM WITHIN. A DRAMATIC STING OF MUSIC OVER-
SUPER: 'JULY 2001'
INT. HOUSE PARTY - CONTINUOUS
PROPPING THE HALLWAY, JAMES AND RONNIE TALK LOUDLY TO ONE ANOTHER OVER THE MUSIC.
JAMES:
...that's great, man, I'm so glad everything's working out for you!
RONNIE:
Thanks, buddy, how about you - how's it going?
JAMES:
Well, you know I-
BUT JAMES IS CUT OFF AS THE FRONT DOOR IS OPENED TO A BUNCH OF NEW PARTY-GOERS. ONE OF THEM YELLS OUT OBNOXIOUSLY IN THE STYLE OF THE OLD BUDWEISER AD-
PARTY GUY #1
WHASSUP?!
RONNIE:
(SARCASTICALLY TO JAMES) Jesus, guy, give it up!
BUT IT'S TOO LATE; FROM ELSEWHERE ANOTHER PERSON RALLIES TO THE CRY.
PARTY GUY #2
WHASSUP?!
JAMES:
(TO RONNIE) Seriously? Are we really going to-
PARTY GUY #3
WHASSUP?!
PARTY GUY #4
WHASSUP?!
AND SO ON AND SO ON, AROUND THE PARTY IT GOES, EVERYONE YELLING AND WAGGLING THEIR TONGUES LIKE GOONS, ALL INTERCUT WITH JAMES AND RONNIE'S DISAPPROVING GLARES.
RONNIE:
It's like an idiot infection!
JAMES:
WHASSUP?!
RONNIE SHOOTS HIM A HORRIFIED LOOK.
JAMES (CONT):
(AS IF COMING AROUND FROM A POSSESSION) I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me!
RONNIE:
It's okay, you're going to be alright -
EVENTUALLY THE CATCHPHRASE IS RELAYED ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE PERSON WHO STARTED IT; PARTY GUY #1...
PARTY GUY #1:
WHASSUP?!
JAMES:
Wait, didn't he start this thing? Has it gone full circle?
THE CATCHPHRASE CONTINUES ON ITS WAY.
RONNIE:
Oh no, I've heard about this... we're stuck in an infinite loop of stupidity.
THE SHOUT IS MAKING ANOTHER LAP. THE PEOPLE YELLING HAVE A PAINED LOOK ON THEIR FACES NOW, AS THOUGH THEY NO LONGER HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.
JAMES:
An infinite loop of stupidity?
RONNIE:
Yes, it's like a Mobius strip, only instead of a strip it's an unbroken chain of idiots. With a catchphrase this inane... we're talking critical mass. (GRIPPING JAMES BY THE SHOULDERS) We're in great danger here.
JAMES:
We've got to get out!
RONNIE:
(LOOKING AWAY) I've got a better idea... (SNAPPING BACK, FACE TWISTED) WHASSUP?!
JAMES:
Christ, they got you too!
PARTY GUY #2
WHASSUP?!
...AND THE CHAIN CONTINUES, RISING STEADILY IN PITCH. JAMES BACKS AWAY, WEEPING AS HE SHRINKS TO A QUIVERING BALL. THE SCENE OF CATCHPHRASE-SPOUTING IDIOCY IS LAYERED WITH SORROWFUL STRINGS AND INTERCUT WITH A MONTAGE OF TEN YEARS OF NEWS EVENTS INCLUDING:
THE 9/11 ATTACK / SADDAM'S STATUE TOPPLING;
THE TSUNAMI IN ASIA / EARTHQUAKE IN INDIA;
THE INAGURATION OF OBAMA / ELECTION OF A UK COALITION GOVERNMENT;
THE FASHION EXPLOSION OF UGG BOOTS
WITH EACH YEAR THE PARTY-GOERS LOOK MORE HAGGARD, MORE EXHAUSTED, MORE TERRFIED AT THEIR PREDICAMENT. JAMES CAN ONLY SOB IN THE CORNER AS A MELODRAMATIC VOICE-OVER JOINS THE IMAGERY:
VOICE OVER:
And so it went, year in, year out for the next ten years. Wars were fought, natural disasters changed the face of the planet, great leaps were made in name of science, Governments changed and Ugg boots became a thing.
FINALLY THE CYCLE LOOPS ITS WAY BACK TO PARTY GUY #1.
PARTY GUY #1:
WHASSUUUUUUUUaaaarrgh....
HE CLUTCHES HIS HEART, GURGLES AND COLLAPSES DEAD. THE NEXT PERSON IN LINE STANDS THERE UNCERTAIN WHAT TO DO. EVERYONE LOOKS AROUND, DAZED, AS THOUGH WAKING FROM A COMA.
PARTY GUY #2:
We're... w-we're free!
JAMES LEAPS TO HIS FEET AND GRABS RONNIE IN A BEAR HUG.
JAMES:
You hear that? We're free!
THE ROOM ERUPTS IN APPLAUSE.
RONNIE:
Freedom. (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) Freedom! Like in Braveheart! FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOM!
PARTY GUY #2:
FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOM!
PARTY GUY #3:
FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOM!
AND SO ON AND SO ON, AROUND THE PARTY IT GOES AS JAMES STAGGERS BACKWARDS, BLUBBERING.
JAMES:
No! Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
END SKETCH
