NJ: Police Embarrassing Bodies on Ch4

GRAMS:CHANNEL 4 EMBARRASSING BODIES THEME TUNE OR NON-SPECIFIC INTRO MUSIC

ASHLEYV/O) Hello and welcome to Embarrassing Bodies. This week our embarrassing body is the British police force. PC Eclair Binge has agreed to visit the clinic and is talking to Dr Christian Jessen about her condition.

DOCTOR: Hello Eclair. Take a seat. Oh ok two seats then. So what's bothering you?

ECLAIR: Well doctor. I think I might be a bit overweight. And that could mean a disciplinary offence under the new police reform plans.

DOCTOR: I see. How old are you?

ECLAIR: I'm 32

DOCTOR: Height?

ECLAIR: 5 ' 6"

DOCTOR: And your weight?

ECLAIR: 42 stone.

DOCTOR: Yes I can see where the problem might lie.

ASHLEYV/O) Eclair is morbidly obese, and only one doughnut away from a pay cut. It is also getting in the way of her duties.

ECLAIR: I can't fit in a police car anymore. I have to take the police van. The entire van. And that doesn't leave any room for criminals. And last week when I chased a burglar I had to stop running.

DOCTOR: Was that because you were out of breath?

ECLAIR: No it's because we passed a kebab shop - and it was open.

ASHLEYV/O) She hasn't always been this overweight. When she joined the police force she was only clinically obese.

DOCTOR: What has led to your weight gain Eclair?

ECLAIR: I think it's hormonal.

ASHLEYV/O) Eclair is lying. She eats like a pig. And that's why she's now 42 stone. Apart from her pay being cut, she's most anxious about having been selected for the Olympic Flame police escort team.

ECLAIR: I'm worried they won't let me use my mobility scooter.

DOCTOR: There's no easy way out of this Eclair. You will have to go on a diet.

ECLAIR: A diet? Sod that. Aren't there any other options?

DOCTOR: Well, you could get a gastric band.

ECLAIR:No thanks. I've got all their albums. They're rubbish.

ASHLEYV/O) Shortly after the recording of this programme, PC Binge left the police and became the island in the Thames for London's new airport.

Hi Lippy (or do you prefer Ali?)

I liked the line about the two seats, that was funny, and the idea of using embarrassing bodies was a good one but I think you could trim 50% of the dialogue. The ending was a bit weak as well I'm afraid.

*feels guilty after the nice things you said about mine*

Agree with Will. Good idea and some nice, funny lines though, such as the two seats one, and one doughnut away from a pay cut

Quote: Will Cam @ March 22 2012, 8:35 PM GMT

Hi Lippy (or do you prefer Ali?)

*feels guilty after the nice things you said about mine*

View original

No no. Its a fair cop. I did struggle with the end. Originally I had her saying "Sod that I'm going to leave the police and [something] instead". And couldn't think of a suitable alternative role for a 42 stone police woman that was funny and not just fattist. Damn just realised she could have said. "You're fattist" and he replies "no I think you'll find you're the fattest.

Thanks Will and Ishy.

Ali's (good for me)

Quote: LippyAlison @ March 22 2012, 9:07 PM GMT

Damn just realised she could have said. "You're fattist" and he replies "no I think you'll find you're the fattest.

Thanks Will and Ishy.

Ali's (good for me)

View original

That is a fantastic line Ali

Ooh. No. That's Jimmy Carr's gag (and Jim Davison's too).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/3539246.stm

Quote: RJ @ March 23 2012, 12:16 AM GMT

Ooh. No. That's Jimmy Carr's gag (and Jim Davison's too).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/3539246.stm

View original

Interesting. I presume the BBC take the risk when broadcasting our material that might be accidentally or deliberateky "borrowed". The script editor has to have a good memory for comedy. I don't suppose there's come back on the non-com contributor?!

There's always a chance someone else somewhere has done the same line, but since that particular example is pretty well known I doubt there was ever any chance it would have got on.

Don't worry. Even if it had, you wouldn't have gone to comedy court. It's their call, not yours.

Think you could have used a spoof of Embarassing Bodies, rather than the actual show. Would have been a good gag to have 'Newsjack's very own point-and-laugh-at-them reality show, Look At My Massive Bits' or something.

In fact, having read it again, you need more action as you're describing scenarios that might be funnier to see. And to do that you need some sort of reality cop show. For example, isn't running after a burglar and stopping for a kebab funnier than talking about running after a burglar and stopping for a kebab?

Show, don't tell.

Dan

Dan, that's really helpful advice. I can see exactly where you're coming from.
Alison