This might be a bit too... something. It was certainly a religious-based week. But this was a lot of fun to write.
Dan
======================
Pope Police
======================
JUSTIN:
This week, the Pope launched a criminal investigation into a Vatican whistleblower that has leaked many of the Vatican's greatest secrets. This supergrass has caused so many problems for the Pope, it seems he's not just livid, but absolutely incensed.
F/X:ECHOEY CHAMBER. MAN THROWN INTO CHAIR
CARDINAL:
Your Holiness, we have caught your most terrible whistleblower.
POPE:
Excellent. Remove the hood!
F/X:HOOD REMOVED
POPE (CT'D):
Well, well, well. The man leaking the darkest knowledge of the Vatican is none other than... terrible author, Dan Brown.
DAN BROWN:
W-w-where am I? I exclaimed, the damp, echoey noise of the flat-pack-like chamber, making me long for assisted help.
CARDINAL:
You will desist with the hyperbole, Mr Brown!
BROWN:
The Pope's eyes went white! Like Tipp-ex about to erase a mistake!
POPE:
You can't fight it! In order for the Lord to forgive you, your penance will be appropriately difficult: you must write a single line of proper literature!
BROWN:
The melancholy, yet buff, senior author Brown infamously looks shocked to the Earth's core. Like a lemur seeing The Only Way Is Essex for the first time.
CARDINAL:
Get to it, Brown!
BROWN:
The tanned Dr Brown twisted his agoraphobic brain into the proverbial knot, and his numerous eyelids and eyebrows bulged from his ubiquitous skull as it exploded into a billion, jigsaw-shaped pieces as he mumbled and uttered a single, solitary line of ineffectual proper literatureness... "It. Was. Urgh! The. B-best. Of. Argh! (BEAT) Times. (DEEP BREATH) Itwastheworstoft--"
F/X:BOOM. BITS LANDING EVERYWHERE.
POPE:
Well, at least he won't be causing any more distress...
END
