I see there's plenty of couples in the audience, let's hear u make some noise.
yeah well f**k you I just got dumped. F**k you and your happy life's. Smiling, looking into each other's eyes. The start of relationship rabbit f**king, the middle relationship experimental f**king the long term relationship f**king for a family. F**k you and your happiness, I had that once but shit wasn't perfect. My ex had a pussy complex.
not toward other pussies only her own, it all started as it should but even from the first time I went down I could tell she just wasn't letting go, which I didn't think much of at the time as I was still getting sucked off n I'm a selfish c**t.
The more time that went on in the relationship the less she wanted oral until she asked me to stop. Now obviously I'm like ok what am I not doing right but I'm a fast learner give me some direction and il be more toward your likings. Buts she's still all 'no please it's not you'.
Now I know right now what 95% of the women in the audience are thinking. Your thinking, 'she's being nice to you, she's dropping it down gently that you aint got the skills'.
Well, yes you'd be right I aint got the skills but it was more than that.
so I'm like if I can't learn what's the matter?
'well. I've got. I've kinda got a bit of a complex'.
BOOM!!!
I wasn't expecting that, froze up n went ok n left it. Some typical man behaviour here, Dunno what it is? Then pretend it isn't happening.
But didn't leave it for long.
Why? here's the thing, it began to play on my mind. The way I see it, if someone has a complex about their pussy and I'm sticking my dick in that pussy I need to know what that complex is.
I don't wanna be pulling my dick out only to see a an ulcer on the end of my dick....
Again.
Seriously though, I can't go through that shit again. The doc said if I get anymore sti's I might lose 30% of my bellend and will need to take a plastic bowl to cover my dick to stop the twin jet pissing in two directions.one into the toilet and the other, who gives a f**k about the direction I'm pissing through 2 holes. I'm tired of that shit, it gets me down. I mean I talking about not pleasing my ex orally here do you really think I can afford to lose any of my dick?
So anyway where was i? yeah so were going through the foreplay and I start going down and she stops me and I can't take it no more and say, 'I need to know the content of this complex cos if you don't tell me I'm gonna assume it's me'. Yep guilt trip that shit.
So we stop. She goes all nervous and shaky, so I hold her hand and tell her its ok and I'm with her and all that 'what your meant to say shit' when really your thinking is this a bad time to spark up. But anyway she goes, 'ok'
'what it is, is that I've got this freckle on my pussy lip. And no matter how hard I try to ignore it whenever you go down on me it's all I can think about, then I lose the mood and ruin the evening'.
So subtle as I am I go, 'well let's take viewing and Il rate it from 1 to 10, from freckle to fungal il let you know'.
I looked and it was dramatically unimpressive. I was expecting at least a little comedy value, like id suddenly go, whooooooaaaa, what. The f**k. Is that?
I wanted at least to see a hairy mole like you get on polish women's faces. Or if it was starting to grow teeth and had an English smile or something. That's not racist, I'm half pole n f**k me do us f**kers have moles. They may be taking the jobs, that's one thing but taking away our facial mole free society. That's too much man, too f**king much.
But no it was like a face freckle but slightly larger. About three times the size of normal and I would never have spotted it unless I pointed it out.
That's it a complex over that.
Now, I understand complexes are about the mind not the subject matter, so I reinsured her that it wasn't even noticeable and that eased her mind.
Fair enough, the complex is about the freckle but here's where I take issue.
She had the smallest and numbest clit I have ever seen.
I'm not saying I'm a highly achieved clit connoisseur but that love bud was f**king tiny.
And it wasn't me, I know where the clit lives, I went to catholic school it lives next to Satan and his demons. But seriously like we all know. It's under the hood. But I searched and stroked but that f**ker was nowhere. I swear they could do studies about its lack of. Nanotech may be still 20 to 30 years out but the nanoclit is here today.
I resorted to above covers sex at all times so I could get a bit of light in on the action but still that f**ker was tiny. Which is no good because how am I supposed to be expected to be believed if I accidently stick it up her ass when the lights are on. Full view and no excuse, and yeah I know no female actually ever believes a male when they say that but you've gotta get the settings right. Romance is all about the setting as we all know.
But not only was it tiny but it was well f**king numb. For her to get any arousal out of it, it required to be wedged between the fissure at the top of a crow bar and kicked. And it wasn't for lack of trying, If I wanked 20 times a day and even my arm would be cramping up after 5 mins. And all men have been there when there arm starts cramping, were looking for some kind of reaction or noise or anything, our adrenaline starts pumping n we get a second wind. I'd get nothing not even a charity whimper. You know, no sound to imply, good sport, it's the taking part that counts, there are no winners.
But honestly, no joke, f**king minute.
So the moral to the story is, if your gonna have a pussy complex, make sure you complex about the right f**king part for f**ks sake.
hope you enjoy
please let me know what you think and give me a comedy rating from 1(bad)to 10(good)
thanks
Pete
