Mr Metz 3

MRS NIGGERBATER IS WATCHING TELLY WITH A PODGY CAT ON HER LAP

FX THE DOORBELL RINGS SHE OPENS THE DOOR

MR METZ IS STANDING THERE HE IS DISHEVELLED AND LOOKS ABIT INSANE, HE IS WEARING A TOY POLICEMAN'S HELMET, HIS FLIES ARE UNDONE AND HIS TENTED ERECTION POKES OUT ALARMINGLY.

MR METZ
Do you have a cat?

MRS NIGGERBATER
I beg your pardon?

MR METZ
Don't lie to me Miss! I'm an elite cat enforcement officer. I can see his little scrathcing post, his litter tray, his squeeky mouse. Don't mess with the law!

MRS NIGGERBATER
Oh dear what's my cat done?

MR METZ
Oooooh like you don't know.

MRS NIGGERATER
Oh dear I didn't know there was a law for cats.

MR METZ
Yes there IS and your cat's been a right little bastard. Pigeon murder, staring at shiny objects and vicious batting of winged insects. I'm here to carry out sentence.

MRS NIGGERBATER
But what sentence? Are you going to make him go in a cattery he won't like that.

MR METZ
Oh we're way, way beyond that miss. I'm going to give him a damn good seeing to. Now bring him over.

MRS NIGGERBATER
I can't do that.

MR METZ
Aiding and abetting, enabling well looks like a prison sentence awaits for you.

MRS NIGGERBATER
No he's not my cat, he's the neighbours. I'll just go and get my cat.

MR METZ
That#ll be acceptable. What is he a cute ginger? A naughty tabby, a.....oh shit!

MRS NIGGERBATER HAS BROUGHT HER CAT IN IT IS A 12 FOOT LONG BENGAL TIGER ON A CHAIN

THE TIGER LEAPS FORWARD AND BITES MR METZ ON THE CROTCH

MRS NIGGERBATER
Naughty Tiddles! No wonder the nice officer is going to give you a damn good seeing to.

MR METZ
Oohyah. My names Mr Metz I used to have sex with pets

Surreal.

eh

nb this of all my skits is based on a true story.

Only joking, I thought your idea was funny.

Do I need to see Mr Metz 1 & 2 for it to make even more sense than it already does?

Quote: sootyj @ March 12 2012, 11:25 PM GMT

nb this of all my skits is based on a true story.

View original

Same thing happened to me!!

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/16302#P570435

How odd his name changed it's spelling

for this inspiration behind it Google "George Willard and Pixel"

I Googled it. All makes sense now. Good work.

Thanks edutainment is the name of Sootyj's game.

I like this quite a bit. I thought it was quite Pythonesque. I havent read the others yet but this definitely works for me.

Mrs Niggerbater is a Python name I sort of fell in love with.

Thanks.

The problem with Mr Metz is he's tried it on with a budgie, a pitbull, a cat and a Bengal tiger.
What animal next?
A goldfish?

You disgust me!

A dust mite, A foal with pneumonia and an orgy with some wasps

none are truly realistic pets

actually do you want to film one?

I have a friend with an incredibly slutty cat.