NJ Reject - thought this one had a chancce

JUSTIN

The staff at Dublin's Cathedral have been baffled by the theft of their holiest relic, St Laurence O'Toole's heart. If you ask me it has all the markings of a in-trouble-husband scrounging for a belated Valentines present.

But Newsjack's investigative journalists have come to a different conclusion. The following is a reconstruction to what we think has happened.

FX. SPOOKY GOTHIC MUSIC

DR Igor, do you have it?

IGOR Yesssss master, I found it just like you said.

DR Good, good Igor, now put it in and sow him up. Good; now pull the lever.

FX. ELECTRICITY CRACKLES LOUDLY

IGOR Has it worked master?

CAMERON Arrrggggghhh.

DR It's alive Igor, it's alive, it's alive!

CAMERON Nrrragghh; wh-what is this bu-beating in my chest?

DR I've given you a heart, Mr Cameron.

CAMERON Nrrrrragghh.

FX. SMASHING METAL

CAMERON New, sensations, coming over me...

DR They're called feelings, Prime Minister.

CAMERON I, I, I understand, nurses; feel sorry, for Miliband; Oh God, I even have sympathy for the unions! ...But we, must reform NHS, to avert, crisis. We must... Nrrrraghhh. No, there's no point fighting it, Lansley, is a monster.

DR It's worked, it's worked! Mhuwhahahaha! Oh that reminds me Igor, did you get manage to get St Patrick's spine?

IGOR No master. I failed you.

DR Oh drat, Mr Cameron we still haven't found a donor for Nick.

FX. SMASHING METAL

CAMERON Nrrrraghhhh!

I like it as a sketch and I know you mention reforming the NHS but is it topical? and I don't mean a can of lilt.

Maybe the idea didn't jump out - it was all about the stolen Irish heart (so that was topical) and the confusion over why would someone steal it. I thought I'd do a Frankenstein parody - maybe it just didn't pop though

Decent effort this one I thought.

Yep - good central idea - quite good final punchline - somehow didn't do it though - felt a bit obvious.

Taking a news item and developing an idea beyond it (e.g. like the girl who dressed as a boy news story which someone turned into a Georgina from Famous Five sketch) seems a good method to get on NJ.

I liked this one BDM. A nice angle.

I liked this one a lot. I could hear Lewis having a lot of fun as the Doctor, especially hamming up the 'It's alive!' line.

Good idea though I can't help feeling if there is a better target than Cameron; perhaps more specifically heartless. Lanslay as the target may have been better as he's heartless toward the NHS, as you alluded to.

The Clegg/spine thing is great though.

One issue, a technical thing: you've got three blokes here. I suppose Pippa/Margaret could do a passable Igor but not sure Justin could do a Cameron or a hammy-enough Dr. He could probably do a Lansley as no-one really knows what he sounds like.

Still, well done!

Dan

Thanks all for your replies! All very helpful, I think your right Big Jack, it was perhaps too obvious - I really felt this was a strong idea but perhaps I didn't make it scan as it could have. I also think your right shwertyd I need to consider what the staff are looking for in a sketch not simply how funny it might be. But thanks guys, feels like I'm getting closer to getting on.