NJ Number Blindness

Here's my effort this week. Wonder if I should have left out the bit about the bingo caller.

JUSTIN
This week we've learned that although the nations reading and writing standards are improving, numeracy skills are in worrying decline, meaning that we can all spell the word Dunce but can't count the number of letters in it. So who's to blame? The parents? The teachers? The parents of teachers? Let's find out.

(1)

F/X DOOR CLOSING

TEACHER
Hello Mr Smith. Please come in, take a seat. Now as you're aware Joshua is really struggling at maths.

MR SMITH
Yeah I know. He's like me. I was always terrified of numbers.

TEACHER
There's really nothing scary about numbers Mr Smith.

MR SMITH
What about 666? Or if you're on fire, 999. They're pretty scary.(LAUGHING)Some of my number 2s can be pretty shocking too.

TEACHER
Please Mr Smith be serious. Unfortunately this situation is all too common. People seem to wear their ignorance of numeracy like a badge of honour. A bit like the one you're wearing in fact, that says 5 times 3 is 47.

MR SMITH
You mean it isn't? I bought this especially for Josh. Make him think his dad was into maths. It wasn't cheap either. Only got a pound change from a twenty.

TEACHER
£19 for a badge?

MR SMITH
No, a fiver.

TEACHER
(PAXMAN STYLE)Yes. Ok, Mr Smith, perhaps as a first step to help Josh you can try and boost his confidence. Encourage him.

MR SMITH
I'll give it my best shot. 120 percent.

(2)

F/X DOOR CLOSING

TEACHER
Mr Smith. I'm sorry to call you in again, but since we last spoke Josh's marks have got even worse

MR SMITH
I don't understand it. I've really made an effort.

TEACHER
According to Josh you jumped out at him last night from his wardrobe shouting 23, 47, 66. He thought he was being attacked by a crazed bingo caller.

MR SMITH
I thought it would help him conquer his fear of numbers. Desensitise him.

TEACHER
Traumatise him more like.

MR SMITH
Ok, I won't do it again. I did have one other idea. I was reading about fractions in one of his text books a few nights ago. Thought I'd buy something to help him understand them better.

TEACHER
Sounds like an excellent idea.

MR SMITH
Take a look at this magazine.

F/X SOUND OF A MAGAZINE BEING OPENED

MR SMITH
It's full of denominatrixes. I never knew maths could be so fruity.

TEACHER
Hmm. I think perhaps you've misunderstood the meaning of denominator.

MR SMITH
Ah

TEACHER
That's not the worse bit. It's not even mathematically correct either, as all of these ladies seem to be on top.

I liked it.

Nice idea, but I must admit it didn't make me laugh out loud. I think it needed a bit of an edit.

Could be a lot tighter, but an enjoyable read nonetheless.

Sorry Ishy but it just didn't do it for me but it's a great opportunity to bump this previous educational sketch of yours which remains one of my all time favourites.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/post/643893/

Pretty good Ish. FWIW I liked the bingo caller line.

Idea is fine, but you need to pick out four or five gags and hone those into a much tighter sketch.

Thanks all. Some useful points. Cheers for the comment about the Larkin sketch Will.

Intro: very good, especially the 'parents of teachers' bit (I laughed).

(2) is better than (1) and I think it stands alone tbh. It needs a stronger way out but the denominatrixes was quite good I thought, and felt like the kind of idea Newsjack likes. The follow-up gag was great too (though I am a mathsophile so it may be that)

Nice one.

Dan