Falkland Islands (Newsjack reject)

FALKLAND ISLANDS

DAVID CAMERON IS HAVING A MEETING WITH AREGENTINEPRESIDENT CRISTINA FERNADEZ DE KIRCHNER.

CRISTINA:
Before we begin - I must stress that there is nothing you can say which will change my stance on the Falklands. This lady's NOT for turning! (PAUSE) Mr Cameron?

DAVID:
Ooh - sorry! Just had a flashback! Where were we?

CRISTINA:
I was telling you that I won't be dropping Argentina's claim to the Falkland Islands - regardless of any threats you make!

DAVID:
You wish!

CRISTINA:
(LAUGHS) Oh come on - we both know yourmilitary's overstretched and underfunded! Do you really thinkyou're in a position to play hardball?

DAVID:
I do indeed! You see Cristina - I've figured out your Achilles' heel!

CRISTINA:
What on earth are you talking about?

DAVID:
Look, I'll give it to you straight. Unless you relinquish your claim to the Falkland Islands within the next... ooh... 30 days - I'm going to arrange a blockade!

CRISTINA:
A blockade?

DAVID:
Yes, but not just any old blockade! Its purpose will be to prevent the entry of Botox, collagen and designer clothes into Argentina!

BRIEF PAUSE

CRISTINA:
(SIGHS) Well played Mr Cameron. Well played. I take my Armani hat off to you.

It doesn't quite work for me.
Altjhough it has some nice bits.

I wonder if this would have worked better if you brought the Punch forward & then played with that a bit more.

Has their been anything in the News to do with Botox & designer clothes in Argentina.
Or is is just for the pay off?

I don't think Argentians or the Argentian President is famous for wanting botox, collagen and designer clothes - which is a big problem for this sketch.

Yeah, I also don't really know anything about the Argentinian President and her penchant for botox, collagen and designer clothing.

The sketch is just two people chatting and it needs something to happen. Needs more gags too. The audience won't wait that long to laugh.

Dan

If the joke is a woman president would cave in at the loss of designer clothes etc. Then that's weak and badly dated.

But it's neatly and economically written which is a good skill.

Quote: sootyj @ February 27 2012, 11:09 AM GMT

If the joke is a woman president would cave in at the loss of designer clothes etc. Then that's weak and badly dated.

View original

The bit about designer clothes was inspired by this information on her Wikipedia page:

Kirchner has drawn criticism (from both the media and the political world) for her excessive spending on clothes, jewelry and shoes. She rarely wears the same attire twice, and in many cases has been criticized for arriving late to meetings with international leaders because she was getting dressed

The botox bit was a reference to the fact that she looks unnaturally youthful for a 59-year-old - and the collagen was a reference to her Leslie Ash lips.

I'm afraid then you've chosen to joke about something not majorly in the public conciesness.

You can get away with that if you introduce it.

Maybe

"I didn't recognise you. You've changed."

"Yes my outfit. I never wear the same dress for more than 2 hours confuses assassins and fashion journalists"

Shit example but you get what I mean?