He came in the animals 2 by 2

A SEEDY LOOKING MAN IN A BIBLICAL ROBE IS STANDING IN A BIG SHADOW IN A FIELD.
HE IS HANDING A BIG BAG OF MONEY OVER TO ANOTHER MAN (ROD)

ROD
Well I got them, 2 of every kind of animal in all the world.

SEEDY LOOKING MAN
And they're secure?

ROD
They're caged in place, you monster.

SEEDY LOOKING MAN
Look if I want to f**k 2 of every kind of animal in creation in a big wooden boat that's my business. Capiche?

ROD
What ever hand over the sheckels.

SEEDY LOOKING MAN HANDS OVER A BIG SACK OF MONEY

SEEDY LOOKING MAN
1 billion sheckels as agreed. And no dinosaurs or unicorns right? They're so ugly they make my dinkle slack.

ROD
Yeh, yeh no dinosaurs or unicorns you animal molesting monster. I dread to think the kind of world you could create.

A MIDDLE AGED WOMAN APPEARS

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
What's bloody going on? Where have all our savings gone? Who sold the business and what is that awful smell of animal shit?

ROD
I'm off.

ROD RUNS OFF

SEEDY LOOKING MAN
I just felt like building a giant wooden boat and stuffing it with 2 of every animal.

MIDDLE AGED WOMAN
To have sex with you flipping perv.

SEEDY LOOKING MAN
Nah babes nothing like that.

MIIDLE AGED WOMAN
Then why?

IT STARTS TO RAIN HEAVILY

SEEDY LOOKING MAN
God told me to do it.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL THEY ARE STANDING IN THE SHADOW OF THE ARK.

Great idea Soots. Maybe try to disguise the punch by changing '2 of each animal'.

A minor quibble though, lovely sketch either way.

Not sure this works, I assumed from the first line that the seedy character was Noah, so was a bit non-plussed when that turned out to be the punch.

This is not a sketch.

I have become a fundamentalist Christian.

I'm trying to educate you about intelligent design.

No, it is natural selection of the most fanciable; the dinosaurs were doomed to extinction by fat thighs and poor personal grooming; whereas any red-blooded biblical prophet would go with a hartebeest.

God made the dinosaurs ugly.

Would you like a pamphlet?

And the punchline isn't that it's Noah. It's that Noah saved humanity not by divine guidance. But to cover up his selling the felafel bar so he could f**k animals.

Quote: Gerry McDonnell @ February 24 2012, 5:23 PM GMT

Great idea Soots. Maybe try to disguise the punch by changing '2 of each animal'.

View original

Agree, and perhaps don't mention the boat either! but otherwise it''s a hoot.(no offence owls)

I hadn't realised the ominous undertones of the sketch. Me and keewik need an emergency meeting asap

You could spin heads and make him seasick, may throw him off course.

Ominous undertones?

What's ominous about it?

Quote: Shandonbelle @ February 24 2012, 9:37 PM GMT

You could spin heads and make him seasick, may throw him off course.

View original

That is a great excuse for that massage I wanted to get but thought was too pricey

Quote: sootyj @ February 24 2012, 9:37 PM GMT

Ominous undertones?

What's ominous about it?

View original

F**king two of every animal on the BCG?

I haven't just hijacked your thread to call you a secret bestial rapist, btw, I was going to say the same as the others but they said it first. Nice idea, but twist the order of reveals around a bit

Nothing ominous. Quite obvious actually.

Have you submitted it to Viz? Seems like their cup of tea.

Quote: AJGO @ February 24 2012, 9:41 PM GMT

That is a great excuse for that massage I wanted to get but thought was too pricey

F**king two of every animal on the BCG?

I haven't just hijacked your thread to call you a secret bestial rapist, btw, I was going to say the same as the others but they said it first. Nice idea, but twist the order of reveals around a bit

View original

I've met you AJGO you're not an owl and you don't wear a hat.

You're avatar a tissue of lies.

Not just one lie.

But a tissue of them.

A whole tissue.

Bless you.

I wore my hat yesterday! You are ripping the tissue of imagination apart, my friend, the whole tissue