"Don't Hrumph for me Argentina"
Justin intro:
Like Diplomacy, annoying the Argentinians is a game that was popular in the 80s - and it seems it is making a comeback. In 1982 William Hague was a 13 year old Tory, knocking on the door of politics - and then presumably running away giggling before anyone could open it. Now, of course he is in charge of foreign policy and looking to improve diplomatic relations with Argentina.
FX phone ringing, is answered
President Fernandez (female, very Spanish accent):
Hello? (Pause) Hello?! (Pause) Who is this? I know you are there - I can hear heavy breathing... in a Yorkshire accent.
FX - Yorkshire giggle, phone clicks off. Followed by FX phone ringing, is answered
President Fernandez (female, very Spanish accent):
Hello? Who is this?!
Hague:
Madam President, it's William Hague. Can I just say how delightful it is to speak with you?
President Fernandez:
Can it, baldy - was that you calling and hanging up on me again? - I know what you are up to!
Hague:
I'm sure I don't know what you are talking about.
President Fernandez:
You know exactly! You are just trying to annoy us at every opportunity. I know it was you who drew that moustache on my picture at the United Nations!
Hague:
Not at all, Madam President - we hold you in the highest regard. Have you received the gift I had sent?
President Fernandez:
The DVD of The Iron Lady? That is what I am talking about - you know we are still Betamax.
First you send an aircraft carrier to The Malvinas, then you send Prince William - and now you have sent David Willetts, all just to iritate us... (reflective) even though we have no idea who David Willetts is. Who will you send next, James Corden? Kirsty and Phil? That bloke off MasterChef?
Hague:
I'm calling today to reassure you of the utmost respect we have for you - and to introduce our new ambassador to your fine country, who I'm just patching in on the call now...
Katie Price:
'Ere, wotcha Madam President. I'm your new ambust..., ambiss... your new mate! We've got got so much in common, you and me - you look after a country, I'm named after a country [and there it is! Yay!]. It's spooky, init?
President Fernandez:
OK - that is slightly less annoying than the old one.
Hague:
Yes, he had to go back to singing on the Go Compare adverts.
[I thought I'd come across the only possible Jordan county/woman spin that would be vaguely acceptable]
