NHS 111 PHONE LINE
JUSTIN:
The NHS has begun rolling out its new 111 phone line, for people with urgent, but non life-threatening symptoms - thus allowing prank callers to go get their kicks without acquiring too much blood on their hands. Joining me now to discuss this, is the Health Secretary Andrew Lansley.
ANDREW:
Good evening.
JUSTIN:
Now, in order to give the listeners at home a better idea of what this is all about - I'm going to read out a list of symptoms - and I want you to tell me whether I should dial 999 or 111.
ANDREW:
Okay.
JUSTIN:
Diarrhoea?
ANDREW:
111.
JUSTIN:
Low self-esteem?
ANDREW:
Again - 111.
JUSTIN:
A cucumber lodged somewhere it shouldn't be?
ANDREW:
Well - that one's debatable. I mean, you'd have to rely on your own judgement - and make a decision based upon how much pain or pleasure you're experiencing.
JUSTIN:
Partially severed head?
ANDREW:
I think it's safe to say that 999 would be appropriate in that instance.
JUSTIN:
And finally - blue Balls?
ANDREW:
Look, in spite of all the gossip that's been going around - I can assure you that the Shadow Chancellor is NOT going to defect to the Tory Party.
JUSTIN:
Andrew Lansley - thank you.
