Charity Appeal

Welcome to the gateway of the Kingdom Of God. You are a sinner! God damm I know you have sinned today. You have reached down into the bowels of depravation to what some people call hell. And only I, Reverend Richard Turpin can save you from this affliction. That’s right, only I can offer you salvation from the blasphemy that has bestowed you today.

The price of this salvation, a mere generous donation. I want you to sell your homes. I want you to sell your modes of transportation. I want you to sell your wife, sell your kids, hell sell your own ass if need be; but if you want the salvation of the lord you’ll do this great task and you will do it for me today. Amen brother, I have seen the light.

Send your donations to me, the right Rev Dick Turpin. C/O The Penthouse Suite, @The Ritz, London. Call Free 08000 I MAKE BIG MONEY. We accept ALL major credit cards (Even if they’re not your own).

This reminds me of the South Park episode where Starvin Marvin’s in space... and there is a TV network begging for money to make a space ship to get to a different planet so they can try and convert the aliens to Christianity.

"Folks stay with me here we need a photon torpedo launcher to take out there more advanced deflector shields, so we can show these heathens the light to our all mighty savoir lord Jesus Christ"

Reverend Dick Turpin? Are you sure you're not actually Robert Nguniegtod, the head of the National Bank of Kenya or summink?

Simon & very true too! F**king thieving religious bastards!

You donating anything Simon 'Kidney'