Would very much appreciate honest feedback on a new comedy scene I have written/starred in.
It is called Twilight Boy and is based around a young boy trying to impress girls which always seems to go wrong for him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN9eXwI201k
Hope you enjoy
Many thanks
Christian
I like the way its shot. I also like the patience you show with the opening scene. You portray the girls in a way that is annoying to the point of it being funny without making it too long for my liking. I can imagine those girls/characters in a series of sketches: at a funeral, a boxing match, etc.
I liked it and wanted it to have a big pay off. I really wanted to know what the boy was going to do. Unfortunately I thought the ending was a bit weak. Maybe if the girls had acted like the star of the Twilight movies had actually turned up it would be funnier (?). The boy in his crap make up could be surrounded by all the girls at the party. The guy with the beard looks sad and alone as he opens a beer....close-up on the boy in crap make up as he gives a wink and smiles to the camera. You could do a series of sketches where he always uses crap make-up to try and look like someone famous and the people around him always act like he looks exactly like the actual person....(?).....Just a thought 
Quote: Bob Hicks @ February 18 2012, 1:23 PM GMTI like the way its shot. I also like the patience you show with the opening scene. You portray the girls in a way that is annoying to the point of it being funny without making it too long for my liking. I can imagine those girls/characters in a series of sketches: at a funeral, a boxing match, etc.
I liked it and wanted it to have a big pay off. I really wanted to know what the boy was going to do. Unfortunately I thought the ending was a bit weak. Maybe if the girls had acted like the star of the Twilight movies had actually turned up it would be funnier (?). The boy in his crap make up could be surrounded by all the girls at the party. The guy with the beard looks sad and alone as he opens a beer....close-up on the boy in crap make up as he gives a wink and smiles to the camera. You could do a series of sketches where he always uses crap make-up to try and look like someone famous and the people around him always act like he looks exactly like the actual person....(?).....Just a thought
Yes, I thought pretty much exactly the same. I really liked the acting of the girls in the first scene, they were suitably annoying (and lax with laptop security!). Then I honestly thought they would buy his awful disguise, and was a bit let down with the ending.