Disfigurement!

Man
I hate blind dates. Why do you always set me up on a Blind Date. The woman is never Blind. Have you told her about the birthmark across my face. (Points to the entire right side of his face)

Mans Friend
Erm No I forgot to mention that.

Man
Great!

CUT TO
The man enters the restaurant with his friend. All the other diners draw breath & look on with shocked faces.
The men head for a table where a beautiful woman is sat.

Mans Friend
Hello Cathy. This is Jason.

Cathy
(Looks at Jason) You have something on your face. (Tries to brush it off)

Man
It’s a birth Mark.

Cathy
Oh right. So it doesn’t come off then. (Tries to pick it off)

Man
(Sighs) Nope

Cathy
Have you tried Bleach? (Tries to scratch it off)

Man
What? (Brushes her hand away)

Cathy
Or you could dye the other side to match.
(Grabs his face & examines his left side)

Man
Why?

Cathy
(Shrugs)

The Mans Friend
Right well I will leave you to it. You seem to be getting on well. (Legs it)

Cathy
So what do you do for a living

Man
I am a councellor

Cathy
(Frowns) Really?

Man
Yes why did you suspect I was part of a circus troop.

Cathy
No! Whats your favourite film. Mine is Face Off.

Man
Really?

Cathy
I love Al Pachino

Man
He wasn’t in Face Off

Cathy
No but he was in Scar Face.

Man
(Sighs) Yes he was.

Cathy
So how did you gain that birth mark.

Man
(Sarcasticaly)Oh I think it was given to me as a present pre birth.

Cathy
Hmmm! You should have asked for a bike or something.

Man
(Annoyed) Look! Obviously my birthmark makes you uneasy. You won’t have to see it again (Gets up to leave)

Cathy
(Grabs his arm)I could get used to it. It is only on your right side after all. I will just always stick to your left.

Man
(Sarcastic)Great. (Goes to leave)

Cathy
Wait! Can I call you?

Man
(Disbelieving) Do you really want to?

Cathy
Yes. Can I call you?

Man
Sure here is my number.

Cathy
(Stares at the paper)Actually I was asking, can I call you “F**ked Face”

Oh lord that is a good one... I was expecting another family related sketch where you kill your sons with embarrassment.

Anyways, still a top sketch.

Cheers Paul. I was trying to think of a really evil name to call him at the end but nothing else came.

Disgusting. How can you make fun of facial disigurement?

You're no oil painting yourself!

Quote: David Chapman @ January 17, 2008, 7:59 PM

Disgusting. How can you make fun of facial disigurement?

You're no oil painting yourself!

View original

Quote: David Chapman @ January 17, 2008, 7:59 PM

Disgusting. How can you make fun of facial disigurement?

You're no oil painting yourself!

View original

David I am not f**king you. No matter how nice you are to me. I allowed you the use of my picture. You ungrateful Bastard.

Quote: Ray Dawson @ January 17, 2008, 8:37 PM

View original

Close that mouth quick Ray. Dave will cork it with his cock! He is dirty!!!!!

Quote: Charley @ January 17, 2008, 6:57 PM

Man

Cathy
Wait! Can I call you?

Man
[Hesitates] Um.....sure here's my number.

Cathy
(Stares at the paper) “F**ked Face”

View original

My suggestion for an ending. But this is really good. You do dialogue really well Charley. Good stuff!

Cracking stuff Charley!

Really good!

Frankie xxx

I have to say that I really didn't like this. It just appears to be vicious to me.

Loved it, Charley. Sure, it's a bit nasty, but I think it's clear the woman is the real target of the gag.

To tighten it up though, I'd remove the introduction between "f**ked face" and his friend at the start. In fact, I'd remove the friend altogether. There are other ways to set up that it's a blind date without needing an extraneous character.

Quote: David Bussell @ January 18, 2008, 8:32 AM

Loved it, Charley. Sure, it's a bit nasty, but I think it's clear the woman is the real target of the gag.

View original

I'm not sure it is. In my opinion there has to be an element in the performance or script that allows the audience to know that they are laughing at the woman and not the man.

Quote: ajp29 @ January 18, 2008, 10:03 AM

I'm not sure it is. In my opinion there has to be an element in the performance or script that allows the audience to know that they are laughing at the woman and not the man.

View original

For me, the disfigured guy seems like a nice fella and the woman reads like a bitch. That's all the reader needs to know where to place their sympathy I think.

Yeah I can see what you are saying but it could also be enjoyed by someone with the same attitude as the woman. They may think its funny cos the woman is saying what they say or want to say in similar situations. Its like the Catherine Tate sketch with the translator.

I re-read the script after your comments ajp but I can't see the cruelty. The woman is obviously an obnoxious cow and that's how it reads to me. It's a little bit edgy. My daughter was born with a strawberry birthmark and it lasted for bloody years and I didn't find this sketch offensive at all and believe me my kids are my Achilles Heel for that sort of thing.

Cheers guy's for all.
This is part of something else where the woman chacter is a tactless, shallow horrid bitch. She is part of a family from some other sketches I have posted on here. (Not the Stockbridges). She is based on an old friend of mine but obviously over exagerated. The fact that the friend never mentioned the birthmark was supposed to show that to him it is un-noticeable. Maybe I could have made that more prominent.I dont want peeps to think I am being evil but the truth is some people who dont know the guy will stare at him. They will see his birthmark first not him. Even those peeps who are not so shallow look away quick, so as not to appear to stare.Thus still making someone affected by this condition uneasy. He is also another character who is a fabulous chappy & based on a friend of mine (Birthmark exagerated though).

Maybe it was too nasty. I am keeping it though. If it was to be acted out I would hope that the actors would make it appear more against the viscious cow & not against the poor soul who has the disfigurement.