Hello everybody!
Most comedians will start the show by saying Hows everybody doing! followed by asking everybody if their ready to laugh or something like that. I always think to myself the people that scream Yes! must be darn optimistic, not like me of course. I actually attempted to create comedy insurance, that way I could get get my money back after watching a show that felt more like a funeral.
I love twitter, I followed a girl once, it ended with me getting a restraining order.
They say a dog is a mans best friend, mine was more of a friend with benefits. Shame the Koreans stole it.
I needed therapy as a child, apparently I have a repressed memory. They say I murdered a therapist. I also tried to do a stand up show recently, but apparently you can only have two people on jail visitation days.
Im writing my own self-help book. I discovered how to get rich quick using only three items, a gun, a balaclava and a fast car.
When I was young, I was quite the history buff, me and my friends would do role play games, our favourite was FRENCH MILITARY. Well I think it was our favourite, I would ask them but obviously they all died. We actually had to hire a sweatshop to sow us enough white flags.
My favourite board game is monopoly, I actually hate playing it, but the money works great on the old people at supermarkets.
I hate long car journeys, I prefer my car to be stationary in a back alley.
A bunch of Somalians hijacked a cargo ship, I download a new album and I get done for piracy!
So... thank you for reading, I understand this was probably quite bad, but it is my first try.
thank you.