My grandson, aged 16 brought his first girlfriend round to meet me and his nan, who was putting the just emptied wheelie bin round the back, leaving the door open. Callum and Britney walked in. On their way down the hall, Britney asked where the bathroom was, Callum pointed out the door. When you are old and there are just two of you in the house, you don't always lock the door. So in breezed Britney, just as I was in a very ungainly position, applying ointment to my 'song of the niles'
First impressions always count Jerf. Top banana! 
I once fell asleep in a park and woke up being sucked off by a tramp. That was pretty embarrassing.
Sorry about that.
Quote: David Bussell @ January 17, 2008, 10:28 AMI once fell asleep in a park and woke up being sucked off by a tramp. That was pretty embarrassing.
You sure that this is something which you wish to admit to?
Quote: David Bussell @ January 17, 2008, 10:28 AMI once fell asleep in a park and woke up being sucked off by a tramp. That was pretty embarrassing.
Never mind Dave, i'm sure the tramp got over it.
A tramp once fell asleep in a park and it woke up to me sucking it off.
Quote: Aaron @ January 17, 2008, 10:51 AMYou sure that this is something which you wish to admit to?
I thought this was the thread where we admitted our embarrassing secrets. Was I mistaken?
No, but there are limits, surely?
There's nothing I wouldn't admit to this forum.
Hmm, interesting. Veeeeeeeeery interesting. *strokes beard*
My most embarrassing moment… apart from The Amsterdam tour 2005 (but the chosen few don’t talk about that)
Throughout my years on this colourful Earth I have honed this one particular habit of sticking my tongue out of my mouth when I’m concentrating. (Now we said we wouldn’t mention Amsterdam) This facial trait never hindered me at all, until my teenage Daughter suggested we go ice-skating...! Now sliding around uncontrollably isn’t really my forte. But as I relished any opportunity to spend quality time with my Daughter whilst whisking her away from the clutches of my evil ex-wife, (Bitch!) I couldn’t really say no.
On this particular day, we arrived at the rink to find several orange t-shirt clad care workers, supervising a party of mentally retarded individuals, as well as the usual ensemble of novice and connoisseur frozen-water performers. We donned the obligatory paraphernalia and scuttled onto the arena whilst 80’s pop- experiments, “Dead or Alive,” belted out the fifteenth chorus of a trans-gender tune over a dodgy speaker system. My Daughter assisted her middle aged Father by carefully guiding him into the centre of the ice. Then without notice (and as though somehow possessed by the Dead or Alive lyrics) she took me by the arm and began to “spin me round” at some noted rate of speed. Eventually she let go propelling me the unaided the length of the rink. To keep up the facade of being a cool Dad my natural instinct was to concentrate whole-heartedly on my bipedal stance, so with that in mind, out sprung the tongue!
All was fine as I hurtled across the ice until Chesney Hawkes came on the dodgy speaker system with his rendition of, “I Am The One And Only”, just in time as I careered tongue extended towards several orange t-shirt clad care workers who began to clap and cheer “Yeah!!!” uncontrollably.
Mistaken identity or what!!!
Quote: EllieJP @ January 17, 2008, 10:30 AM
I hope you charged him the going rate. And you forgot to tell me so where's my cut?
My most embarassing teenage moment was when I was sixteen and took my sixteen year old girlfriend round to my aunties (because they had a nicer house than ours...) I wasn't a snob but I figured my girl was.
Anyway shortly after introductory pleasantries my Uncle (ex-sailor) proceeded to feel my girlfriend up and just after that there was a loud banging from upstairs.. It was my senile grandma.. My auntie proceeded to explain that she was locked up and desperately trying to get out and hadn't eaten for a couple of days.. I'll never forget the looks of horror on my girls face when
a) she got felt up,
b) she said to me, "you keep your grandma locked up and don't feed.."
..her voice trailed off and she said she felt ill and could she go home.
She packed me next day via a note at school passed to me by one of her mates. 1970's equivalent of being dumped by text. Seemed like a nice girl, said auntie next time I went round.. At school, I was a laughing stock for well, minutes.. 