Heya, I just wanted to see if anyone had some additional feedback for my gig last night, I'm already aware I'm inconsistent with the voices at points and there's a few times I let the mic get a bit too far away from my face.
Uploading at the moment so it might take awhile
thanks guys
Josh, I don't mean to sound rude but at your stage in the game you don't really need endless feedback from other people, you just need stage time and to watch yourself back and work out for yourself what you need to do.
If you keep seeking others opinions all you are going to end up with is loads of different opinions and ideas for what you should be doing, none of them your own.
At the end of the day, as a stand up, you are the decider of what you do and what your performance style is, yes, take some advice but bear in mind that not all the advice you get will be good advice for you.
It seems to me that you know what "mistakes" you are making, so you just need to go away and work on these, eradicate them from your set, practice as much as you can and get as much stage time as you can. If you want to do something productive when you are not on stage, work on material or watch as much stand up as you can and try to learn from it. Not necessarily good stand up either, watch some bad comedy and try to work out what they are doing wrong and how you would do it better.
Yeah I've got another 2 gigs this week, I was just wondering if there is any comedy faux pas I'm breaking without being aware of it.
Start with something stronger - you want to get them on your side right away for the more whimsical stuff. Just a joke or two to get their attention.
Hi Josh,
Do you want opinions on your material? Or just on your stage presence/technique etc? Tony's usually right (even though he does totally ignore the sets I post up, goddamn elitist!) but yeah, taste is so subjective it gets to the point you think 'f*** people's opinion I'm gonna do what I want'
I listened to your set, and I don't want to go on and on, because I'm only an open mic too but I thought your cadence was really calm and measured, your mic technique etc was good and you didn't seemed fazed in the slighest. I personally go for machine gun style delivery because I don't have a drama-class bone in my body and I envy the poise of the cooler comics.
As for your material, I thought toward the beginning when you made ref to 'coalition cutbacks in heaven; I thought, what the f**k, is this guy gonna go on and do a bit on a Heavenly Government, using biblical themes interspersed with refs to our political flaws? Because, that would be a genius bit, and you could get tag after tag after tag on the subject... But then you kind of skipped it. That premise, to me, is loaded with potential. But I liked the rapture stuff, but I sometimes wince at the mention of an 'African Village'.
Only bit of advice I ever read about stand up that rings true to me is; Always punch up when making refs, never punch down. That's why I hate so many of these pricks with their clever-clever 'shocking' 140 characters or less 'jokes'.
Anyway, good set I thought, keep posting, you're entitled to feedback whatever stage you're at, that's why the forum's called 'critique' people post their drafts of sets before they even step on a stage. Sometimes just knowing someone's seen your set helps, in the future you'll look back on this one and see where you went wrong, and then you'll delete it and replace it with a better one, and so on.
Quote: David Bussell @ January 31 2012, 3:46 PM GMTStart with something stronger - you want to get them on your side right away for the more whimsical stuff. Just a joke or two to get their attention.
This too. Definitely.
Actually guys I did start with a joke, although it wasnt actually in the recording, I felt the need not to mention it because it didnt go down as well as I'd hoped.
I recently had an idea for a cartoon to teach kids about homophobia, Its about a family of cartoon meatballs and one faggot
(i make sure to say faggot without any aggression otherwise it tends to get misconstrued) I started with it and it got a bit of a giggle
Get a better joke.
Hey Bussell what did your father in law say to your misuss when he first you?
Quote: David Bussell @ January 31 2012, 4:34 PM GMTGet a better joke.
Ouch!
Watched the video and I'd say at this stage in your career it's a good idea to be getting feedback. Gosh knows I can't get enough.
write whats wrong with it.
1 you're reporting an already funny story, with out adding anything.
2 jokes are too thin I counted about 1 or 2 in minute try 5 or 6
3 you're style doesn't seem to punch up the jokes, you're somehow not flagging up the punchlines or energising the audience
otherwise you seem confident and structured, so you're heading in the right direction.
Quote: David Bussell @ January 31 2012, 4:34 PM GMTGet a better joke.
Noted. writing jokes is hard, but stupid obscure observations I can do all day.
Stupid observations aren't funny.
Stupid observations that rewritten as jokes are.
The rapture a tragedy for American Christians that sold their homes, but a fantastic opportunity for Menachem Cohen's real estate.
Quote: JoshBB @ January 31 2012, 4:46 PM GMTNoted. writing jokes is hard, but stupid obscure observations I can do all day.
I don't necessarily mean a one-liner, I just mean something funny and snappy to get their focus and respect. It could be a comment about the backdrop or an observation about something the MC just said even - it doesn't need to be a polished gag nugget.
Quote: sootyj @ January 31 2012, 4:45 PM GMTHey Bussell what did your father in law say to your misuss when he first you?
Ouch!
Watched the video and I'd say at this stage in your career it's a good idea to be getting feedback. Gosh knows I can't get enough.
write whats wrong with it.
1 you're reporting an already funny story, with out adding anything.
2 jokes are too thin I counted about 1 or 2 in minute try 5 or 6
3 you're style doesn't seem to punch up the jokes, you're somehow not flagging up the punchlines or energising the audienceotherwise you seem confident and structured, so you're heading in the right direction.
it does seem to get dry at some points, I agree with that, I'll squeeze in some more jokes somewhere. and as for punching up the jokes and energising the audience, any tips?
I mean I think Marc P came up with the term jokoid, meaning a sorting of funny observation trimmed into a joke.
Like; I trust Dave Cameron and I can believe it's butter.
or America has the bomb, they also believe Jesus wants to take their clothes off and make them fly, I'm scared.
Not really jokes (or this being me funny), but you know snappy half formed sub observational jokes.
I mean I think Marc P came up with the term jokoid, meaning a sorting of funny observation trimmed into a joke.
Like; I trust Dave Cameron and I can believe it's butter.
or America has the bomb, they also believe Jesus wants to take their clothes off and make them fly, I'm scared.
Not really jokes (or this being me funny), but you know snappy half formed sub observational jokes.
Quote: JoshBB @ January 31 2012, 5:00 PM GMTit does seem to get dry at some points, I agree with that, I'll squeeze in some more jokes somewhere. and as for punching up the jokes and energising the audience, any tips?
Break every page into 5-10 jokes or jokoids, take out all the filler. If it's not funny or swiftly taking you somewhere funny lose it.
And drop in some plain ordinary jokes. Nice quick ones.
Leavens the material.
Thanks alot guys, you've been a real hand, I'll probably on the forums quite a bit tonight. there's a few bits I want to try out before I do them on stage
I've been going through some of my notes and I was wondering about this for an opening,
"Shit and Poo, two words with the exact same meaning, but you can't say shit to kids. now I know what you're going to say, josh shit is a vulgar word! shit is a swear word! eeeh, I'll give you shit is an angry word, but poo is far more vulgar. because poo better describes the process, because you don't SHIT (make a fist and punch straight down) you poo (make the hand motions of a poo crowning and falling) Poooooo, you see, its open ended, like you are at the time...pooo.
Right now I've won you over with my light hearted observational comedy, I think I'll talk about the news..."
now I'm thinking that the joke (like all of my comedy) is way too long for the payoff, but I quite like the idea of going on stage and the first things I say to the audience is "Shit and Poo"