Disclaimer: This thread is for comedy purposes only. Any heavies will have their brains bashed in by Aaron with the large papier mache truncheon they made of reject sitcom mission scripts.
SHIRLEY MCFURLEY KNOCKS ON A LARGE GREEN DOOR THAT HAS BCG IN FLURESCENT PINK LETTERS
THE DOOR OPENS ABOUT 3 INCHES. SOOTYJ PEERS OUT.
SOOTYJ:
Yeah?
SMF:
Oh, hello. I was wondering if I could come in. I'm very friendly.
SOOTYJ:
Piss off.
WILL CAM COMES FROM BEHIND !!
WILL CAM:
Hold on, Soot. Give her a chance. She's come a long way.
SOOTYJ:
How would you know?
WILL CAM:
She looks rough.
SOOTYJ:
Alright. (BEAT) But she's not having any pizza.
WILL CAM:
Come in my dear. Sit down. Cigar?
SMF:
Thanks. Actually, I've baked you all a cream sponge with jam and everything. But I think it got a bit squashed on the way.
GODOT:
Bin it.
SMF:
Oh, but Mr Gobbo, it was because you swerved for that chicken on the way it got squashed.
GODOT:
Why did the f**king chicken cross the road? And don't call me Gobbo. It's GoDOT, GODit.
SMF:
Sorry, I'm so sorry...I'm trying to learn names and idiosyncrasies.
OLD ROCKER:
So, what's your handle?
SMF:
Shirley McFurley. SMF for short, but you can call me Smurf.
WILL CAM:
Then we'll all call you Smurf.
SOOTYJ:
Don't get cosy, this is our cl...
AJGO & ZOOO:
DON'T say the C word.
AJGO:
It doesn't exist.
EVERYONE:
It doesn't exist.
LEE:
So, Smurf, I thought you were a woman.
SMF:
ER...so did I. (BEAT) Is it my Doc Marten boots?
GODOT:
I was thinking the chest hair. You really shouldn't do cleavage.
AJGO GIVES SMF A CUDDLE AND WHISPERS
AJGO:
It's your moustache, but don't worry, you can borrow my ladyshave.
GODOT:
Stop whispering, you two. We have to decide what to do.
SMF:
Renegade Carpark has already given me the secret milkshake and a ring.
SOOTJ:
That bastard'll ask anyone to marry him, even a noob.
AJGO:
I'll get the ladyshave.
SMF:
Oh, no. We're not engaged. It's a secret ring so I can be a member of the cl...
EVERYONE:
DON'T say the C word.
WILL CAM:
You never know when Aaron's listening.
MATHEW STOTT ENTERS
MATHEW STOTT:
What's going on. There's jam 'n' cream all over the door mat.
DELLAS:
We're trying to ward off vampires.
GERRY MCDONALD:
Enough of this gibberish. We need to make a decision before the pizza and chips come out.
SHANDONBELLE:
Oooo! We've got chips.
GERRY MCDONALD:
No, I meant Chipolata.
ROSCOFF:
So, if I may speak, I suggest the noob goes through the noob induction process.
EVERYONE:
Noooo! The last noob....
OLD ROCKER:
Don't say it...don't even think about it.
QUIET PAUSE
WILL CAM:
It was a lovely funeral though, wasn't it...?
SOOTYJ:
Ok, it has to be bad, but not as bad as the last one, agreed?
EVERYONE:
Agreed.
GERRY MCDONALD:
So, we all meet back here tomorrow for induction suggestions...
FADE OUT TO LOTS OF SNIGGERING
Did not end with the strongest AKA me! I discovered the strength of sponge, why not?
