is the Jeremy Kyle Show
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Get a job.
Dear Jeremy Kyle
I am 14 & pregnant, my parents don't know & they haven't met my boyfriend. He is bisexual and HIV positive and has tourettes. He is 20 years older than me, deals drugs & carries a gun. He is just out of jail and lives in a squat & likes animal porn.
My problem is, how do I tell my parents he's a hibs fan.
Bob This comment is unbelievable - you know they can't write.
Quote: David Bussell @ January 13 2012, 3:04 PM GMTGet a job.
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David, in my spare time I could come and clean your house, if you stick a broom up my arse I'll sweep the pavements on the way
Quote: ShirleyMcFurley @ January 13 2012, 3:54 PM GMTDavid, in my spare time I could come and clean your house, if you stick a broom up my arse I'll sweep the pavements on the way
That never works right. You just leave a trail in the dust.
Quote: ShirleyMcFurley @ January 13 2012, 3:00 PM GMTis the Jeremy Kyle Show
^
this.
One of my favourite programmes ! Got it on series record !
You can't beat two lots of chavs trying to kick the living shit out of each other while you sit there like Caesar giving the thumbs up/down sign to the lie detector/dna results !
Unbeatable !
DOOGIE AND KYLIE ARE IN DEEP SHIT SO THEY'VE GONE TO JEREMY AND THE GENIUS TO SORT IT OUT, BUT THE GENIUS IS ON A DRUG COUNSELLING COURSE SO CAN'T BE PRESENT.
DOOGIE:
Jeremy, my girlfriend is gonna finish wiv me cause I've got a small willie.
JEREMY:
Well, put something on the end of it.
DOOGIE:
Tried that. Now she's preggers by a courgette.
JEREMY TOUCHES HIS EAR AND LOOKS AT CAMERA DISPARINGLY
JEREMY:
You're claiming you're not the father.
DOOGIE:
Not teck-nic-ly.
KYLIE:
Gimme a break. He IS the farver.
DOOGIE:
You went wiv anuvver geezer.
KYLIE:
That was on a break.
DOOGIE:
It was a TEA break.
KYLIE:
It was a break, Jeremy.
JEREMY TOUCHES HIS EAR AND LOOKS AT CAMERA DISPARINGLY
JEREMY:
So, let me get this straight. You're finishing with him, but you want him to admit paternity?
KYLIE:
No, I jus wanna prove he's the farver.
DOOGIE:
It was the geezer on the tea break, or it might ave been the courgette... or the marrow.
JEREMY:
If this test proves a vegetable to be responsible, will you step up to the plate?
JEREMY TOUCHES HIS EAR AND LOOKS AT CAMERA DISPARINGLY