Family of mum, stepdad 18 & 21 year old boys, are sitting around the table.
Mum
Right as this is a new house there are some new rules
Stepdad
(Distractedly)Yep, right, sure, ok.
Boy 18
Can we add rules too. Like no going in my room when I am not there & rooking through my personal stuff. Then moaning at me about weed before stealing & smoking it.
Boy 21
Yes and stop stating the bleeding obvious like (Mimicks womans voice) “Put your shoes on before you go outside”
Mum
Look I called this family meeting in regard to MY new rules. Not yours. (Clears throat & takes out a piece of paper)
This is for whoever the culprits are. (Stares menacingly at all 3 men)
THE MEN SHIFT UNCOMFORTABLY
Mum (Cont)
No more immense use of porn on the PC. I am sick off pornographic pop ups. I am tired of typing something standard on google & getting open fanny shots. Not nice waxed ones like mine. Oh no. These are Hairy Mary’s.
BOTH BOYS GO "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"
Stepdad
You must have googled it to begin with.
Mum
(Shocked) I just wanted to know the best way to fill cracks for god sake. Seeing as how I have to do all the decorating around here. (Stares at all 3 men) I can always check the history & work out by the times who has been perving.
MUM’S EYES NARROW TO SLITS & SHE POINTS DEFIANTLEY AT ALL 3. WHO ARE ALL PROFFESING INNOCENCE.
Mum
Rule 2. I demand to know who has a f**koff massive size cock here.(Woman holds her hands out as far apart as she can ). Whose cock is of such gigantic proportions, that they struggle to fit it into reasonably large spaces.(Looks to her husband) I know it’s not you?
Boy 21
(Smug)Well that will be me.
Mum
Right so you are responsible for the piss around the floor of the toilet then.
Boy 21
(Snorts) No.
Mum
You are now in charge of toilet cleaning duties you filthy pig.
Boy 21
That’s not fair.
Mum
(Raised eyebrow) Well if you would like to prove to us all here that you genuinely have a HUGE problem then I will let it go.
Boy 21
I am not showing you my HUGE problem. Your my family. It’s sick.
Mum
I made it. I made that apparent HUGE problem & I carried it in my womb for 9 months then (Woman stands with legs apart & starts screaming. She places her hands between her legs & flails them about) Whooooooooooooooooosh out popped my baby. My baby with NO problems.
Boy 21
Urghhhhhhhh!
Woman
Rule 3. No more sex with girlfriends in this house unless you fix your squeaking beds & gag your squealing women.
Boy 18
I think this is mostly aimed at me. I cant stop my bed from making a racquet Mum nor can I help the fact that I am such a great lover.
Mum
Do my friends need to hear it when they are around though Son. I mean it’s from early evening all the way through until early morning. (leans towards boy) It will drop off if you use it too much you know.
Boy 18
I cant help it. I am insatiable.
Mum
There are other things to do besides intercourse Son. How about a little oral. That’s nice & gentle on the springs. You will still need the gag though.
Boy 18
I don’t do licking. Its disss gus teeeeeeen
Mum
You selfish pig. You are just like your step father.
Boy 18
Atleast I don’t look at open fanny shots like he does.
THE BOYS LOOK TOWARDS THEIR STEPDAD THEN SCARPER OUT OF THE ROOM, LEAVING THEIR STEPDAD STANDING THERE, SHAKING & LOOKING AT THE FLOOR.
