NEWSAGENT
This sort of thing was cute when you were young. But isn't it time you grew up a bit Christopher Robin!
Add the punch-line. Page 4
SCENE SET IN AUSTRALIA.
MAN (whispering to Newsagent, winks) I'll make that bitch jealous. My friends warned me that Skippy was a whore. Well she see that I don't care, anymore!
Some good gags there. I thought it would be quite tough. I'm gonna go with...Bad dog. But it was close!
Over to you Bad dog.
OK then, thanks Ray. How about this...
In a busy high street, people are surprised to see several penguins waddling along.
I see the MPs are having another white tie do
Man to wife: "F**k me, if it's not dog crap on the pavement it's penguin poo!"
One penguin to another "Him and his Tom Tom sat nav..."
Man (to wife):
The immigration policy in this country is getting way out of hand.
Penguin 1: If we wanted some clubbing, we should've gone to Canada.
MAN BEHIND TV CAMERA THAT HAS 'LINDSAY DOES LONDON' STICKER: Cut! I knew it was a mistake hiring Bill Oddie to get us some young naked birds.
PENGUIN ONE TO PASSER BY. Excuse me but we're looking for Iceland.
Hee. Well done. I was just trying to think of a line for Iceland.
I'm rubbish at proper jokes. I can think of an idea, but can never work it into an actual joke. Which is why I shall stick to just reading this thread.
Penguin is startled when he sees himself in a mirror.
Penguin to other: Bloody hell, Harry Potter's a right c**t when he's drunk.
PENGUIN:
I'm telling you the f**king sat nav's gone wrong.
3 CHILDREN SAT EATING CHOCOLATE PENGUINS WATCHED BY A PENGUIN. SUDDENLY THE PENGUIN RUNS OVER BATTERING THEM WITH HIS WINGS, SCREAMING.
"You nasty little brother eating bastards"