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Jokes (Part II)
Quote: Joseph Dao @ January 1 2012, 6:22 PM GMTHello everyone. Tried to write some jokes since the last time I posted here. Feedback welcome.
My dad hated me. He put me in day-and-night care.
I ghostwrite. I write their stories to help their spirits move on.
I was an ugly kid. For Halloween, I trick-or-treated with the bag on my head.
My cousin ordered out for her wedding. She had a mail-order bridesmaid.I grew up poor. For show and tell, I always brought the same item to talk about and pass around, a collection plate.
These have potential.
Quote: Joseph Dao @ January 1 2012, 6:22 PM GMTHello everyone. Tried to write some jokes since the last time I posted here. Feedback welcome.
I'm not sure if my dad loved me. He put me in day care and night care
I'm a ghost writer. I'm bioging the ghost of Elvis I was an ugly kid. For Halloween, I trick-or-treated with the bag on my head.
My cousin ordered out for her wedding. She had a mail order husbandI was so poor. For show and tell, I brought the Big Issue
my variations, you're improving but your feeder lines melt into your punchlines
really you want a nice solid twist
most jokes are questions with the punchline being the answer
That last one was good!
Appreciate the advice, sootyj. I was unfamiliar with the Big Issue, but I laughed at your joke once I looked it up.
And glad you liked it, scartledge.
Keep up the good work.
Check out the newsjack and 118 threads for truly vast numbers of gags and discussion on them by your friends at bcg.
But like I say you've got the length right, now I'd work on keeping the feeder line and punch line distinct from each other.
Quote: Joseph Dao @ January 1 2012, 6:22 PM GMTHello everyone. Tried to write some jokes since the last time I posted here. Feedback welcome.
I took a self-esteem test. I tested positive -- for having none.
My family moved up a social class. We bought our way in.
My dad hated me. He put me in day-and-night care.
I ghostwrite. I write their stories to help their spirits move on.
I was an ugly kid. For Halloween, I trick-or-treated with the bag on my head.
My cousin ordered out for her wedding. She had a mail-order bridesmaid.
I will say this for my parents: they always hired a babysitter when they left me alone. They paid me in chocolate.
My neighbor was a housewife. When she retired, she took a cue from her husband, and took a permanent vacation -- on the couch.
I grew up poor. For show and tell, I always brought the same item to talk about and pass around, a collection plate.
Some half decent lines in there but most are just ideas of jokes rather than actual jokes and need editing.
For instance "I was an ugly kid. For Halloween, I trick-or-treated with the bag on my head" doesn't make sense to me, surely Halloween is the one night where being ugly is a positive, so for me I'd change this to;
"I was an ugly kid, the only night of the year I could go outside without a mask covering my face was Halloween".
Likewise "Mail-order bridesmaid" is a great idea, perhaps it should be along the lines of;
"My cousin is so lazy she couldn't even be bothered to organise her own wedding, she just booked a mail-order bridesmaid".
The first two lines, "Self esteem" and "Social class" don't really work for me, they are both just statements really, there is no actual twist to make them into a joke. Here's a hasty edit of the first one;
"I took a self-esteem test, well I was going to but I'm so pathetic I didn't think it was worth it".
I don't really get the baby sitter joke either, is the punchline supposed to be that you were your own babysitter? That they'd paid you in chocolate to look after yourself?
Remember, confusion is the enemy of comedy, the audience have to get it and quickly, too much thinking will mean that they don't laugh (this is not to say that all jokes have to be dumb but they shouldn't be confusing).
Some promising lines though, now write a hundred more and see how you get on, good luck!
For years I've been a ghost-writer. It's getting harder now that Elvis has stopped returning my calls.
I grew up poor. For show and tell, I passed around a collection plate.
Would be the changes I'd make.
Quote: masterfox20 @ January 7 2012, 11:24 AM GMTI grew up poor. For show and tell, I passed around a collection plate.
This is an excellent re-write, it gets to the crux of the joke as succinctly as possible.
I took a self-esteem test but I don't think I did so well...
Quote: Joseph Dao @ January 1 2012, 6:22 PM GMTI took a self-esteem test. I tested positive -- for having none.
"I took a self esteem test...it didn't do much for me, I was the only participant...and I still came last"
I will say this for my parents: they always hired a babysitter when they left me alone. They paid me in chocolate.
"I will say this for my parents, they always used a babysitter when they left me alone...they paid me in chocolate and told me to put myself to bed by 9."
I like the openings of these but they do need rewriting to bring out the joke.
You got some good ideas there, keep it up.