Special Constable Keith Peele: A Documentary Page 2

Link to operation goodguys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeqV2MMUf3U&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Cheers man! Currently drunk, but shsall watch it tomorrow!

Some funny moments, not quite what I'm going for, but I enjoyed some of it. I loved the ''Come with me, I'll show you gay'', that made me laugh.

Another scene if anyone is interested.

EXT. THE CAMERA IS FOLLOWING KEITH AND TREVOR WALKING THROUGH A PARK

TREVOR:
Rape!

EXT. THE CAMERA SWINGS TO THE SIDE TO SEE A DOG HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER DOG - TREVOR BEGINS TO RUN TOWARDS IT - KEITH PUTS HIS ARM IN FRONT OF TREVOR

KEITH:
Not our battle Trevor

EXT. THE CAMERA CONTINUES TO FILM THE TWO STANDING FOR A PROLONGED PERIOD OF TIME, WATCHING THE DOG - TREVOR IS NOTABLY AGITATED

TREVOR:
I don't feel too good about this boss, I really don't

KEITH:
Canine on canine is outside our jurisdiction Trev, we've been through this before..

TREVOR:
(Shouting and emotional) Boss, I don't mean any disrespect at all, I really don't, but, when have we ever let the law get in the way of doing our job proper in the past?

KEITH:
(exhales loudly) Look, if you want to play the hero Trev, I'll turn a blind eye, but when sh(beep) hits the fan, on this occasion I do not have your back, Now, I suggest -

EXT. TREVOR BEGINS RUNNING TOWARDS THE DOGS

KEITH:
(looks at the camera) with canine on feline rape cases, we can intervene, but apart from that, unfortunately the powers that be have withdrawn any sort of influence we have over the sexual relations between two animals, be it consensual or not. It's a shame, there's some powerful predators out there hunting their next victim, and there's simply nothing we can do to stop the psychos.

EXT. KEITH WALKS AWAY - REVEALING TREVOR RUGBY TACKLING THE DOG OFF THE OTHER, AND THEN THE DOG BEGINS TO CHASE TREVOR AROUND THE PARK

SCENE (#) KEITH WALKING TOWARDS A LOCAL NEWSAGENTS

KEITH:
You've got all these supermarkets attempting to oligopolies The UK market, and I for one am not going to idly stand by and let it happen. Plus, it's good for a member of Her Majesty's Police Force to be seen buying goods from ethnics, it eases racial tension.

INT. KEITH WALKS INTO THE CORNER SHOP

KEITH:
(nods) Mohammad, the usual please

MOHAMMAD:
Yes, Yes of course, already waiting here for you Mr Peele! You're two minutes later than usual though, I was beginning to get worried, mother cock up the pepper spray again?

KEITH:
(as he's walking out) She'll never learn Mo - Put it on my tab, SCHQ will take care of it (winks into the camera)

INT. KEITH NOTICES A SHELF WITH SOME CRISPS ON IT

KEITH:
Oh dear Mohammad, oh dear

MOHAMMAD:
A problem Officer?

KEITH:
That depends on whether or not you perceive crime to be a problem

MOHAMMAD:
Of course I do Mr Peele!

KEITH:
Well then, perhaps I could ask you to read out the top of this packet for me

MOHAMMAD:
Just one second, let me get my glasses

INT. MOHAMMAD BENDS DOWN TO PICK UP HIS GLASSES

KEITH:
Stop right there Mo! Let me see your hands

MOHAMMAD:
Mr Peele, you've known me for several years

KEITH:
Tom has known Jerry for a similar amount of time, they're still at each other's throats. Look, it says ''Not to be sold separately''. This is a very serious offence Mohammad, I do not take potato snack fraud lightly, even if they are just Quavers. You need to get this sorted immediately. I'll be back shortly to inspect. If things aren't in order, or if there's something I don't like the look of, I'll have no choice but to bring you in.

INT. KEITH WALKS OUT WHILST MOHAMMAD IS SHOUTING ''YES YES, IMMEDIATELY'' - CUTS TO KEITH SHOWING WHAT HE HAS PURCHASED

KEITH:
Cigarettes, good for bribing tramps, or, if I'm to be politically correct, 'the homeless'. Milky Buttons, used to get information out of children and the mentally handicapped. Fisherman's Friends, for stake outs, obviously...and Lucazade and a Boost for the maintenance of energy levels

CAMERMAN:
It looks as if the Lucazade's lid has already been opened

KEITH:
Yes, due to the high amount of energy required to perform my job, I have Mohammad add 100 grams of sugar to the Lucazade, although, that may need to stop now, I don't know if he can be trusted... That's not a racist thing, I'm not suggesting all Asians break these strict savoury snack laws, but, if a respected Asian like Mohammad is, then you never know what the rest are up to.

INT. KEITH WALKS OFF POURING THE LUCAZADE ON TO THE FLOOR

Quote: Richadam @ December 13 2011, 1:58 PM GMT

KEITH:
Cigarettes, good for bribing tramps, or, if I'm to be politically correct, 'the homeless'. Milky Buttons, used to get information out of children and the mentally handicapped. Fisherman's Friends, for stake outs, obviously...and Lucazade and a Boost for the maintenance of energy levels

CAMERMAN:
It looks as if the Lucazade's lid has already been opened

KEITH:
Yes, due to the high amount of energy required to perform my job, I have Mohammad add 100 grams of sugar to the Lucazade, although, that may need to stop now, I don't know if he can be trusted... That's not a racist thing, I'm not suggesting all Asians break these strict savoury snack laws, but, if a respected Asian like Mohammad is, then you never know what the rest are up to.

INT. KEITH WALKS OFF POURING THE LUCAZADE ON TO THE FLOOR

View original

This is just one of the many, many bits that had me laughing. I can't really find much to criticise at all because every extract just seems to work for me. I'd love to see it commissioned cos I'd happilly sit at the TV and watch the shit out of it!

Keep writing mate, I've enjoyed reading every extract so far

Thank you very much Danny, I really appreciate that.

I'm coming towards the end now, I've got 1 or 2 scenes to finish, then the first draft is complete. Going to spend Monday going through it with my writing partner over a pint or two, and then we're going to leave it for a week then come back to it.

I have a friend who writes for Neighbours in Australia, and she said she'll have a go at getting it all formatted properly etc.

This is the scene following Keith visiting Trevor in Hospital.

INT. CUTS TO KEITH WALKING AWAY FROM KEITH, DOWN THE WARD - A WOMAN IS SPEAKING BEHIND A CURTAIN

LADY BEHIND CURTAIN:
Ohhh, my little Oscar is such a ladies man, look at him flirting with all you nurses, you're the fourth today! (laughs) he's going to be breaking some hearts when he's older is this one

KEITH:
(pulls the curtain to the side) Lady, this child is around two years old, do you really think he is sexually aroused by any of these, quite frankly, very average looking nurses? (looks at the Nurse) No offence. I suggest you give more thought to the child's health and well-being rather than attempting to hook him up with his future mate

LADY BEHIND THE CURTAIN:
Who the hell are you?

KEITH:
Just a concerned passerby, a good Samaritan if you will - ultimately, I'm the person who has the power to take that child off you if you f(beep) it up

INT. KEITH WALKS OFF, SHAKING HIS HEAD

KEITH:
Parents these days.

INT. CUTS TO INTERVIEW WITH KEITH

KEITH:
Why did I lie?

CAMERAMAN:
Well, we were under the impression that Special Constables would not have the power to remove a child from its home.

KEITH:
I sometimes insert a few white lies in to my arguments or stories as to add a bit of weight to my point. If Jesus can do it in his autobiography, I don't see why I can't?

SCENE (#). INT. THE CHILDREN AND PARENTS ARE LISTENING TO KEITH AT ST CLAIRE'S HALL

KEITH:
Tonight gentlemen, you will be trained in the art of escape and evasion. (Keith looks around) You look confused. Escape and Evasion, hmmm, how can I put this to you in a way you will relate to? I suppose I will play the part of a paedophile, who for the sake of argument, we'll assume is also intent on raping you. I will be tracking you -

INT. THE PARENTS LOOK SHOCKED

KEITH:
- Beavers, you will play the part of the potential rape victim. You will be attempting to escape, hence the E in E and E. Now, to start, we'll have a short lesson on some of the theory of E and E, and then we'll get cracking with a practical scenario.

INT. CUTS FORWARD TO THE BEAVERS ALL SAT AROUND HIM - 'LEARNING'

KEITH:
Glasses and a tash, turn around a dash. A little rhyme to bear in mind.

INT. CUTS FORWARD TO KEITH, TREVOR AND THE GROUP AT THE GATE OF A PARK - KEITH IS GIVING A SPEECH

KEITH:
(pulls out a piece of paper with a speech written on it) - Gentlemen, lady folk; Lewis Davies, son of Nurse Davies over here, has been prepped and has gone off into the horizon, seeking new pastures, pastures where sexual assault isn't an every day occurrence. If he has listened carefully, he should evade my advances; if not, he will be raped...repeatedly. I am of course using shock tactics as to make a point, but for the sake of realism, we'll assume he will be... raped. I will now attempt to follow his trail. During certain aspects of the exercise, I will be quite far ahead of you, under no circumstances should you panic. Trevor here will follow my trail, and thus lead you to safety, even in the most extreme of situations. The terrain gets difficult out there, and the weather is not nice, but, the cold keeps you alert, awake, and the fear keeps you alert, again. I will hopefully see you all in the very near future, if not, know that this exercise may well have saved your son from months of molestation.

INT. KEITH LOOKS AROUND AT THE GROUP, AND THEN SPRINTS OFF INTO THE DISTANCE

Completed the script, and got some awesome feedback. Have a few people who could make something happen looking at it over the next couple of weeks, so we'll see!