Special Constable Keith Peele: A Documentary

Hey guys, this is my new project. I've done a lot more, but thought I'd post up a little bit as to avoid wasting your time. I look forward to hearing what you think, especially after not getting much back in terms of good feedback on my last attempt.

SCENE 1. INT. KEITH PEELE IS GIVING A TUTORIAL ON FIRE AND MANOEUVRE TO A GROUP OF SCOUTS - KEITH IS ALSO WEARING AN ADULT SCOUT UNIFORM

NARRATOR (V/O):
Keith Peele is a 47 year old full-time Special Constable, working tirelessly to clean up the streets, and to make Preston proud, once again.

SCENE 2. EXT. PHIL, IN HIS SPECIAL CONSTABLE UNIFORM, WALKING AWAY FROM THE CAMERA (THE BILL STYLE) - HE TRIPS UP TOWARDS THE END

NARRATOR (V/O):
With a Master's Degree in Criminology, Keith knows all too well the problems with the current criminal justice system; and is a vocal advocator for the reinstatement of both corporal and capital punishment.

SCENE 3. EXT. KEITH LOOKING INTO THE CAMERA BEING QUESTIONED

KEITH:
Paedophilia, rape, murder, some sorts of manslaughter, treason, terrorism plotting and adultery

CAMERA MAN:
And corporal punishment?

KEITH:
Theft, GBH -

CHILD:
- PEELE!

EXT. CAMERA PANS TO A GROUP OF CHILDREN ON BMX'S IN THE DISTANCE - IT STAYS FIXED ON THE CHILD

CHILD:
You paedo! Special Constable? More like Special C-(beep)

KEITH:
Stay here chaps, these lads have previous - (pulls out radio) Sierra one Oscar, I need back up on Church Street, I repeat, back up on church street -

EXT. KEITH BEGINS RUNNING - CAMERA TEAM RUN AFTER KEITH - KEITH'S MICROPHONE DROPS OFF - HE TURNS DOWN AN ALLEY WAY AND JUMPS ONTO ONE OF THE CHILDREN - THE REST ESCAPE - A STRUGGLE BEGINS - FINALLY, THE CHILD PUTS HIS HANDS UP

CHILD:
(panting and mouths) Alright, Alright

EXT. KEITH PULLS OUT PEPPER SPRAY

KEITH:
(mouths and gestures and can be heard faintly) Hands behind your head Baron

EXT. BARON OBLIGES - KEITH SPRAYS IT IN THE CHILD'S EYES - ONCE BLINDED, HE CUFFS HIM, SWIPES THE CHILD'S LEGS AND THEN PUTS HIS KNEE INTO HIS BACK ONCE HE'S LED DOWN - THE CAMERA MAN PASSES HIM THE MICROPHONE

KEITH:
(Over radio) Sierra one Oscar, the criminal has been detained - Assistance is required at Shetland Avenue to transport the scumbag to the police headquarters

TREVOR:
(over radio) Who's this?

KEITH:
(shakes his head) Sergeant Peele

TREVOR:
(Over radio) Hello Sarge! Sorry, Sierra two Oscar, I'm at Krispy

KEITH:
Can I get an ETA Trev? (looks at the camera) Estimated time of arrival

TREVOR:
Will be arriving in approximately 4 minutes 38 seconds, just waiting on The D's.

KEITH:
Jam?

TREVOR:
Yes Sarge!

KEITH:
(looking smug) Good boy - (Looks up at the camera) We've been after this joker for some time now - a member of the somewhat notorious LRS crew aren't we Baron? LRS stands for Lostock Riot Squad - nasty pieces of work

CAMERA MAN:
Can we ask why he's wanted by the Police?

KEITH:
No. But we have a bit of personal beef don't we Baron? He thought it'd be funny to post sexual pictures on an Internet message board of me performing certain things on a number of famous celebrities and animals.

SCENE 4. EXT. CITROEN SAXO (POLICE DECORATED) DRIVES QUICKLY INTO A POLICE CAR PARK - KEITH AND TREVOR JUMP OUT, POP THE BOOT OPEN AND THEN DRAG OUT THE CHILD WITH A GAG IN HIS MOUTH, HANDCUFFS AND ANKLECUFFS ON

SCENE 5. INT. DOORS BURST OPEN - KEITH WALKS IN WITH PURPOSE - TREVOR IS DRAGGING THE CHILD IN JUST BEHIND KEITH - ALL THE POLICE OFFICERS CONTINUE WITH THEIR WORK AS NORMAL

KEITH:
You're welcome chaps

SCENE 6. INT. CAMERA IS PANNING AROUND KEITH'S ROOM - PICTURES OF 'PRESTON'S MOST WANTED' - PAPER CLIPPINGS OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY - SHRINE TO BOBBY PEEL AND KEN BARLOW - UPON HEARING A MOANING NOISE, THE CAMERA SWINGS BEHIND KEITH - HE HAS SWITCHED THE COMPUTER ON - MOANING BURSTS OUT OF THE SPEAKERS FIRST, AND THEN SHORTLY AFTER THE MONITOR SHOWS PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIAL BLURRED OUT - KEITH DOESN'T SEEM BOTHERED - AND TAKES HIS TIME SWITCHING IT OFF

SCENE 7. CUTS TO KEITH LOOKING THROUGH PICTURES ON A MESSAGE BOARD (ALL OF WHICH ARE BLURRED) - HE KEEPS LOOKING AT THE CAMERA AND THEN BACK AT THE SCREEN SHAKING HIS HEAD

KEITH:
That one isn't possible

KEITH:
I'd need a 4 foot penis to do that

KEITH:
Under no circumstances would I ever have sexual relations with Mr Peter Andre... (Looks at the screen again, then back at the camera)... not even if he had breasts

SCENE 8. INT. KEITH AND TREVOR SHOWING THEIR KIT - TREVOR IS ACTING AS A HUMAN MANIKIN - KEITH IS POINTING TO EACH PIECE

KEITH:
Bullet proof vest, knife proof vest, flash bang, smoke grenade, home-made baton, Taser, hand cuffs, comms, leg guards, arm guards, riot shied, riot helmet, fire proof overalls, assault boots -

CAMERA MAN:
Aren't some of these items considered illegal?

KEITH:
Look, civilians don't understand the dangers out there. I need to think about number one. I have no time for ridiculous political correctness that states I can't tase someone for mouthing off at me. If they disrespect me in the present, they will fear me in the future. Comprende?

TREVOR:
You going to show them the daddy Sarge?!

INT. KEITH SMIRKS

INT. CUTS TO TREVOR HOLDING A GUN

KEITH:
The SA80 A2 assault rifle, of course used by the famous Royal Marines Commandos. This is a replica edition, don't worry (winks). Firing at 50 bb bullets per minute at a range of approximately 300meters. What this piece of kit means is that I can approach a gang such as our friends KYD or LRS in the knowledge that Trevor over here is only a short distance away, ready to take some of the b-(beep) down should things kick off - because if I'm meeting Lucifer a bit earlier than planned, they're going to be meeting him with me.

INT. TREVOR ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTS KEITH - KEITH HARDLY FLINCHES

You write very well, but I was a bit confused at the outset, perhaps because having introduced Keith as special constable you first present him dressed as a boy scout; I had in mind that he would be an ineffectual busybody rather than a total psycho. Once I got the hang of it though I enjoyed.

The character reminds me quite a lot of a special constable of my acquaintance.

I had him in the scouts uniform, because, in my opinion, it looks ridiculous (despite it being a noble tradition, of course). It also suggests that whatever he does, he goes at it 100%. The scouts also make a reappearance later on in the episode (with, again in my opinion, hilarious consequences).

Thanks Timbo, I appreciate your feedback!

Thought I'd add in the next scene. Hope you enjoy.

SCENE 9. EXT. KEITH AND TREVOR WALKING DOWN A BUSY HIGH STREET - THEY ARE HIGHLY KITTED UP

NARRATOR:
The SCS has been informed that Baron's girlfriend is planning a revenge ambush this afternoon. Intelligence suggests the attack will be taking place around the Fishergate area at 2pm, and as such, a high state of vigilance has been adopted by the staff

EXT. CUTS TO KEITH FRISKING A GIRL (APPROX. 17 YEARS OLD) - TREVOR IS HOLDING PEPPER SPRAY READY - KEITH PASSES TREVOR THE GIRLS ID

TREVOR:
It's Baron's bitch boss!

KEITH:
Name?

TREVOR:
Kelly Davies Sarge!

KEITH:
Miss Davies, we have it on good authority you were planning on physically assaulting us today?

GIRL:
F-(beep) off you wanabee pig!

KEITH:
What did you say?

GIRL:
F-(beep) off!

KEITH:
Trevor, she has become aggressive, you have my permission to use reasonable force

EXT. TREVOR PEPPER SPRAYS HER IN THE EYE

EXT. CUTS TO CCTV FOOTAGE - THERE IS NO SOUND - THE GIRL LOOKS IN PAIN - AN OLD WOMAN RUNS INTO THE CCTV'S VIEW AND PUNCHES TREVOR IN THE FACE, KNOCKING HIM OUT - SHE RUNS AWAY - KEITH HAS THE GIRL RESTRAINED AGAINST THE WALL STILL - HE PULLS OUT HIS WALKIE TALKIE AND CALLS FOR HELP

SCENE 10. INT. TREVOR IS COMING AROUND IN A HOSPITAL BED - KEITH IS SAT NEXT TO HIM, HANDS IN HIS HEAD LOOKING DOWN

TREVOR:
Keith?

INT. KEITH'S HEAD SHOOTS UP

KEITH:
I'll ignore your insubordination Trevor... How're you feeling?

TREVOR:
Did we get her?

KEITH:
We did ...and I asked you how you were felling..Lance Corporal

INT. TREVOR SITS UP LOOKING SHOCKED

TREVOR:
You mean? -

KEITH:
(nods and attaches a badge to his gown)

Another scene for anyone interested..

SCENE 17. INT. SITTING AT DESK

KEITH:
We do get completely reimbursed for mileage costs and any other expenses incurred. And, you didn't hear me say this, but it's not unheard of for Specials to include quick trips to SPAR in their fuel allowance. I also work at the local labour club for certain seasonal festivities, Christmas parties, Halloween parties, Valentines day parties...

CAMERA MAN:
But you don't receive a salary for the hours you work for the police?

KEITH:
Well, no...but that's not the point, it's about doing your duty to the public. Without me on the streets what do you think would happen? Mm? Chaos? Most certainly. Crime prevention, public protection and offender punishment - The three P's of Policing, I came up with that (looks very pleased with himself). That's why I'm in this job. Did superman get paid? No he did not. Did Batman get paid? He probably didn't need to... but you get my point.

CAMERA MAN:
So you see yourself as a Superhero?

KEITH:
Incorrect. The public may see me as such. I see myself as a regular man trying his best to make the world a better place. A hero? Perhaps.. I've been called that before.. but no, not a superhero. I certainly can't fly.

CAMERA MAN:
What's that in the wardrobe?

INT. CAMERA PANS TO A SUPERMAN COSTUME IN KEITH'S WARDROBE - KEITH REALISES AND SLAMS THE WARDROBE SHUT

KEITH:
For fancy dress parties

CAMERA MAN:
So why did you slam the door shut?

KEITH:
Article 8 of the Human Rights Act, I have the right to Privacy

CAMERA MAN:
You did grant us complete access to your life Keith

KEITH:
Don't get aggressive boy. And it's Sargent Peele to you.

It's quite clichéd and the cop isn't that realistic to be honest, I get that he's supposed to be a CSO, but he's more like dog the bounty hunter. I think this character would be better pitched at thinking he's a hero, which is a nice angle, but being actively restrained by his lack of power. CSO's can't use pepper spray and certainly wouldn't go anywhere near a bb gun or 95% of that kit listed.

Personally I wouldn't have him uber aggressive, I'd have him uber rational, polite and duty bound and use that as a clash to the aggresive "chav's" around him and expose the power mismatch of the alleged authority figures. Do some research on the powers of CSO's, exploit the truisms within it - or better yet chat to one.

He's pissed off that he's not in the regular police. This may not come across in what I've posted thus far, but it's certainly a recurring theme that will pop up again and again (application forms, interviews with him about previous failed attempts at joining etc). For this reason, he's taken it upon himself to rid the street of crime. He's a vigilante hiding behind the guise of a CSO.

Just because it's a 'mockumentary' doesn't mean it can't be a bit ridiculous and unbelievable. There are plenty of 'loopy' people around, and some of these loopy people are in positions of authority. I think a lot of the humour will lie in how seriously he takes this very very small amount of authority.

With regards to the 'uber aggressive/polite' point, this will come across in scenes with the local gangs. During these scenes, he acts perfectly polite. So, to those who pose no threat, Keith knows that he can bully them, but to those who do pose a threat, Keith is scared, and acts accordingly.

Rich

I actually really like this!

The reveal of the Superman costume in the final extract was, in my opinion, hilarious! In fact, that whole 'superhero' discussion made me giggle.

Have you ever watched 'That Peter Kay Thing'? It's a series of 6 mockumentaries in a similar vain of humour as this script. The characters in that series are all verging on unbelievable, and Keith has a similar vibe. But unlike the previous poster, I think this is a GOOD thing. It doesn't have a 100% serious feel to it, but seems more fun and enjoyable to read/watch. I'd certainly watch it anyway!

Also, the first scene was reminiscent of the film 'Hot Fuzz', where Simon Pegg is playing a Police Sargeant and the first scene is full of voice-over and flash-cuts of different bits of his past. I though the first scene was a rip off of that until I realised it was a bit of a piss-take. I thought this was a smart move to introduce the shows humour-style.

I'd comment on more things but I haven't much time at the moment. But I'll leave you with this; with some script honing it could be a great show, it definitely has the slightly silly, wacky humour that I enjoy.

Keep it up, and let me know if you post anymore content!

Appreciate that Danny! I think we've got similar tastes.

I've not seen 'That Peter Kay Thing', but I'll have a watch. I've not seen Hot Fuzz either, but will also have a look at that too.

I'll have another look at yours later, and give some feedback. I must admit I sort of just glanced over it without giving it much thought, so I feel I may have been a bit unfair in my previous post.

This is another scene. I've realised I'm not posting them in any sort of order, but I don't think this part ties in too much with any other scene, except one about how he lives (given that he is a full time volunteer, in which he claims he is ''currently inheritance rich, cash poor'')

SCENE. 12. THE CAMERA TEAM ARE FOLLOWING KEITH, HE IS TALKING TO THEM WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE CAMERA

KEITH:
I met Trevor on a popular social networking website called Facebook, we were the only two members of the 'descendants of the legendary Keith Peele' facebook group...(turns around) I created it. So having done excellent jobs in our original locations, we were handpicked to come and sort this mess out.. Before we got to Preston, it was just pandemonium, people going around, having fun, doing what they liked. When we got here, things changed, people began to realise that they could either abide by the law, or be made an example of....naturally, they chose the latter.

EXT. KEITH NOTICES GRAFFITI ON THE WALL

KEITH:
Wha- what's that? No, no, no, no, NO! Argh! (pulls out his baton and throws it away) (prolonged beep as he throws his arms around)- (Keith touches the paint).. It's fresh, we've been walking in this direction for the last couple of minutes right? which means.. they must have gone that way - Right! try and keep up

EXT. KEITH RUNS OFF INTO THE DISTANCE AND OUT OF SIGHT - HE CAN BE HEARD STILL AS HE IS RUNNING

KEITH:
(panting)...I can't believe I let this happen on my turf... (panting)... Sierra one oscar, I know you're injured Lance Corporal, but I need some assistance, Banksy's back, and I'm closing in on him. It's possible he may be armed with lethal amounts of spray paint - If he has a lighter, we must assume he'll use it as a flame thrower. I want you to close in from the South of Preston, starting at Blockbuster, be prepared, but don't be a hero, we can't have another SC death, not two in a year.

EXT. CUTS TO CAMERA TEAM HAVING CAUGHT UP WITH KEITH - TREVOR IS RUNNING TOWARDS THEM WITH HIS DOG - KEITH IS GOING THROUGH A BIN - HE FINDS A SYRINGE

KEITH:
(Looking at the camera and holding the syringe up) Needless to say, this has something to do with the new meow meow culture in disco techs

TREVOR:
Needles to say (looks at Keith for approval and laughs)

KEITH:
(stares at Trevor frowning) Dispose of it (pulls out an evidence bag, which is actually a sandwich bag with 'evidence' written on it in black marker pen)

TREVOR:
Roger

EXT. TREVOR THROWS IT DOWN AN ALLEYWAY - A CAT CAN BE HEARD 'MEOWING'

KEITH:
You've bloody hit a cat! Trevor, if you're responsible for a feline AIDS epidemic, I will be forced to take an objective view of the situation, remove all pre-existing affection (looks into the camera) naturally, and I will arrest you on accounts of mass premeditated catslaughter, which in my book, should be punishable by death. Now, once again, you've become a liability, I suggest you take some leave, relax, get away for a bit, get your head sorted, and come back tomorrow with your sh(beep) together.

EXT. CUTS TO SHORT INTERVIEW WITH KEITH

KEITH:
You know, some people simply can't hack the pressures of being a Special Constable. It's sad to see really, especially when a top SC is struggling with the workload (cuts forward) - Between you and me, and I'd never say this to his face, but trust me, Lance Corporal Trevor is one of the best out there, I'd stake my impending inheritance on it.

I really like it! It's a bit Reno 911.
I think Keith is a really good character and I like how important he thinks his job is, taking it really seriously. I suppose you might not meet an actual guy like that in real life but a lot of TV characters are exaggerated otherwise they wouldn't have such funny lines or storylines. I think Trevor is a bit generic at this point but it definitely has promise!
I would continue with it.

Thanks Lexi!

I'm going to do a lot of work on Trevor as I agree with you. He's just sort of added in for Keith to play off at the moment, but I'd like him to have a bit more to say. Although the whole point of him is that he will play a 'suck up' to Keith, hanging on his every word.. hopefully rather pathetically, and thus humourously.

Would this be considered racist? - The context is Keith sat at some traffic lights, he's getting frustrated with the red light staying on too long.

''What did we do a few hundred years ago before these contraptions were invented? I'll tell you what we did, we were forced to get along, we had to let each other in, we worked together to keep traffic moving efficiently. These days, we live in an inherently impolite society, and it's the f-(beep) government's fault. Because of these traffic lights, we're being conditioned into having bad manners...(cuts forward)... Rather than acting independently and selflessly, we wait for others to tell us what to do. (cuts forward) My theory is that most of The UK's social issues stem from the invention of traffic lights ...(cuts forward) .... Them bloody riots down in London wouldn't have gone on if they hadn't been invented, the undesirables would have been forced into developing social etiquette as a means of surviving, well, some of them, the ethnic one's should already be polite probably - (looks at cameraman) Most African nations don't have properly developed roads do they?''

SCENE 11. INT. CCTV FOOTAGE (NO SOUND) KEITH IS STOOD IN A LIFT - A BLACK MAN WALKS IN (ONLY A SIDE PROFILE CAN BE SEEN). AFTER TWO SECONDS, KEITH SUDDENLY PUTS HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS HEAD AND THEN DROPS TO THE FLOOR

CUTS TO INTERVIEW WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED BLACK MAN - THE CAMERA IS ZOOMED IN VERY CLOSE

BLACKMAN:
I simply strolled into the lift, I rather politely said 'down please officer', which I assume he misconstrued as an act of aggression or perhaps a demand, and as the CCTV footage suggests, he obliged. (cuts forward) It's unbelievable this sort of thing is still occurring in what is supposedly a multicultural society. Especially by a member of The Police. You hear about them being institutionally ra-

CAMERMAN:
- Sorry to interrupt, but just to clarify, Sergeant Peele isn't actually a Police officer, he is a voluntary community support officer, I just wouldn't want the police getting into any trouble for this incident.

BLACKMAN:
(looks surprised) That's Keith Peele? Wow. I've done a lot of work with young gang members in the area, but without wanting to accuse them of lying, I always thought of him as an urban myth, or perhaps an all encompassing name for the less desirable attributes of the police. I mean, Police are often referred to individually but collectively as a 'pig' or a 'bobby', so I assumed a 'Keith Peele' was similar to these references; although, I did wonder where Keith came from I must admit. I honestly am astonished, but I apologise guys, I really must get going, I have a mass to attend. (the camera zooms out to show the man to be a priest)

I liked this a lot. It's well written and the character is great. I don't know if I'd have him so heavy handed, spraying pepper spray in peoples faces. I think it makes him too aggressive and audiences will be put off by this. You should definitely watch "the Peter Kay thing" especially the leornard one to see how this oddball interacts with the public. I also suggest "operation goodguys" a police mockumentary which was ace.

Keep up the good work.