Here's two scenes from the first draft of my script, please read and if you have any opinions please feel free to comment. Constructive critisism would be great!
Please note: This show is intended for a target audience of young adults, around the ages 16-21. If you don't fall into this category I'm still happy to hear your thoughts, just don't expect massively clever comedy, but a more Inbetweeners/Two Pints/Phoneshop Vibe. I hope you enjoy it 
EXT: HOUSE PARTY - NIGHT
JAKE AND EDDIE STAND OUTSIDE THE HOUSE, OBVIOUSLY APPREHENSIVE OF GOING IN. MUFFLED MUSIC CAN BE HEARD PUMPING INSIDE. EDDIE SWIGS FROM HIS VIMTO BOTTLE.
JAKE
So do we just like - go in?
EDDIE
(Sarcastic) Nah, we sit around chattin' to the garden gnomes.
This ain't no garden party, mate. It's a f**kin' house party - otherwise known as an all-you-can-eat-pussay-buffet.
JAKE
What I meant is - do we knock?
EDDIE
Does Pete Doherty knock on his dealers before gettin' off his tits on coke?
JAKE
Probably not. You ready?
JAKE PUTS HIS HAND ON THE DOOR HANDLE. EDDIE NODS. JAKES TWISTS THE HANDLE. NOTHING.
EDDIE
Well come on then!
JAKE
It's locked.
EDDIE
F**k it.
EDDIE BANGS ON THE DOOR LOUDLY.
JAKE
Pete Doherty wouldn't have done that.
EDDIE
He would if he's goin' cold turkey for crack. And I'm goin' cold turkey for arsecrack.
THE LETTER BOX SLIDES UP, NAT PEEKS OUT.
NAT
Who's there?
EDDIE
We're not playin' 'knock-knock' jokes, open the pissin' door!
JAKE
Very polite.
NAT OPENS THE DOOR, MOTIONING FOR THEM TO COME IN. SHE TURNS TO JAKE.
NAT
Can't believe you brought that dick. You both got beers yeah?
JAKE AND EDDIE LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
JAKE AND EDDIE
Shit.
CUT TO:
INT: HOUSE PARTY - NIGHT
A HANDFUL OF PEOPLE ARE DANCING, DRINKING AND CHATTING. NICK IS SAT WITH TWO MATES, APPARENTLY THUGS BY THE LOOK OF THEIR MATCHING THICK, SHAVEN SKULLS. HE PICKS UP TWO SHOTS, DOWNS THEM, THEN BEATS HIS CHEST LIKE AN APE. HE LOOKS OVER TO SEE NAT, JAKE AND EDDIE. GRABBING A BOTTLE, HE APPROACHES THEM.
NICK
What the f**k are these two pricks doin' 'ere?
NAT
They're mates of Sammie's. Aren't they Sammie?
NAT TAPS A YOUNG LADY (SAMMIE) ON THE SHOULDER; SHE TURNS AROUND, REVEALING A NATURALLY PRETTY DARK-SKINNED FACE. EDDIE GAWPS, AWESTRUCK.
SAMMIE
Excuse me?
NAT
These guys, you told 'em to come din'cha?
SAMMIE LOOKS AT NAT, SEEMING TO UNDERSTANDING THAT SHE'S BEING ASKED TO LIE.
SAMMIE
Yeah, they're with me.
EDDIE
She said come on her - with her!
EDDIE LOOKS DOWN, A RED TINGE APPEARING ON HIS FACE. NICK LOOKS FROM EDDIE, TO SAMMIE, TO JAKE.
NICK
A'right. But if you dickheads f**k about, yeah? You'll get kicked out fasta' than a pedo in playschool.
NICK WALKS OFF TO SIT WITH HIS MATES, WHO IT APPEARS HAVE BEEN WATCHING INTENTLY. JAKE, EDDIE, NAT AND SAMMIE ARE STOOD AWKWARDLY.
SAMMIE
Are you gonna introduce me to these random guys who I've just smuggled in then?
EDDIE LAUGHS MANICALLY AT SAMMIE'S SMALL JOKE. THE OTHERS LOOK AT HIM QUESTIONINGLY.
NAT
Well this is Jake -
JAKE
Hey.
NAT
An' the otha' ones just a dickhead -
EDDIE
Oi!
JAKE
He's alright - when he's not talking shit.
EDDIE STICKS OUT HIS HAND FOR SAMMIE TO SHAKE.
EDDIE
I'm Eddie - but you can call me 'The Beast'.
EDDIE ATTEMPTS TO WINK CHEEKILY, BUT ENDS UP UNCONTROLLABLY BLINKING. SAMMIE GOES TO SHAKE HIS HAND BUT HE PULLS IT BACK TO RUB HIS EYE. SAMMIE SMILES.
SAMMIE
Think I'll stick to 'Dickhead' thanks.
JAKE TURNS TO NAT.
JAKE
Is there no booze anywhere that we can, like, sneak?
NAT
Got some Lambrini in the kitchen?
EDDIE
Lambrini? That's bitch-drink! I drink mans drink, me.
SAMMIE EYES EDDIE'S BOTTLE OF VIMTO.
SAMMIE
Vimto? Oooooh hardcore!
Opinions? I imagine it could be tightened up a little, and some lines could get scrapped. I am looking to find out which jokes resonate, and which jokes fall flat. < That almost rhymed 
Thanks for reading guys, hopefully you aren't all getting sick of my extracts
