Dicky Mayonnaise's laughorama

DICKY MAYONNAISE WORLD'S FUNNIEST AND MOST CONTROVERSIAL COMEDIAN IS PRESENTING HIS NEW SHOW TO 3 SIMPERING BBC EXECS
DICKY'S BEST MATE STEVE GREENGROCER IS LAUGHING MANIACALLY AT EVERYTHING

DICKY
Making fun of midgets is out.

BBC1
You're right Dicky.

BBC2
It's politically incorrect Dicky.

STEVE
Hiyack hiyack arf arf!

DICKY
Insulting Midgets doesn't offend enough people. Nah Mongs is where it's at.

BB1
Yes Mongs they deserve to have the piss taken!

BBC2
I bet they smell!

STEVE
Snicker snicker arf arf snicker!

DICKY
I want to make a show called Bing Bong Mong. We stick a dozen of 'em in a giant piano and I smack them with a rubber hammer, like playing a piano.

BBC1
You are a genius.

BBC2
That's so ironic.

STEVE
Ha ha HA HA HA! Eurgh.

STEVE DROPS DEAD HAVING LAUGHED HIMSELF TO DEATH,

DICKY
Fackin' Steves broken replace him!

A DELIVERY MAN BRINGS A NEW STEVE GREEN GROCER IN ON A TROLLEY
SITS HIM UP IN A CHAIR RIPS THE CELLOPHANE OFF AND PUTS HIS BATTERIES IN HIS ER

STEVE
Ha ha!

DICKY
You idiot I haven't started speaking yet. Never mind I still don't think it's offensive enough. I want to do my own version of Slum Dog Millionare.

BBC1
Thats amazing.

BBC2
You Genius.

STEVE
Snicker snicker arf arf!

DICKY
Except it's gonna be called Gun Dog Billionare. I wander round a 3rd world slum with a big dog shooting people, and the dog bites people.

BBC1
Unebelievable.

DICKY
Still not upsetting enough. I'm really really going to offend someone.

BBC2
But how what can you dothat's gonna be anymore upsetting?

DICKY
I'm making my new show with SKY.

BBC1+BBC2
Waaaaaah!

STEVE
Arf arf ha ha whoop whoop ha ha!

My God that was a bizarre read!!

Is this a sketch? Whatever it was I had a good laugh at it!

My personal favourite random-laugh moment, as offensive as it is, is the 'Bing Bong Mong' idea. Probably because of the sheer randomness of it. The bit where a character 'Breaks' due to laughing, and is then wheeled out and replaced is also hilarious!

Keep it up, I'd enjoy reading more shorts like this XD

P.s if you have a 5 minuets spare I'd love it if you could read my scripts on my profile and give me some critique, however brief

Thanks for the feedback.

Damn though I thought it was quite obviously a piss take on Ricky's political incorrectness.

Liked your film very nicely made, economic good use of music (unusual in this sort of thing). just one thought was the original hitman meant to be a bit of wally 9catching the bus, dodging bins etc). Because that didn't quite match the excelent punchline, sort of like 2 top notch but contradictory sketches.

DICKY
Fackin' Steves broken replace him!

LOL

Unfortunately these read more like BBC minutes than a comedy sketch, but that's real life for you - always f**king devaluing your material. RG + SM will always be DM + SG in my mind from now on.

Dannyboy - wake up!

Quality, and a top punchline.

Thanks you guys!

Dick Mayonnaise may return.

[quote name="sootyj" post="825772" date="November 28 2011, 11:42 AM GMT"]

Damn though I thought it was quite obviously a piss take on Ricky's political incorrectness.

I got it first time round, Sootyj. So..what do I win? A comedy commission from the BBC for a six episode series? What do you mean, no? For God's sake, I know someone who knows someone who knows Johnny Depp, doesn't that count for anything?

Love it. Submit it Sooty, ASAP
Cheers
G

Quote: sootyj @ November 29 2011, 3:10 PM GMT

Dick Mayonnaise may return..

View original

Can't you get some cream for that?

Quote: Fubsy @ November 29 2011, 7:48 PM GMT

Love it. Submit it Sooty, ASAP
Cheers
G

View original

On it's way.

nb why do people make spunk euphemism jokes, about what's clearly a spunk euphemism joke to begin with?

Is this what the kids call irony these days?

Quote: sootyj @ November 26 2011, 9:21 PM GMT

DICKY MAYONNAISE WORLD'S FUNNIEST AND MOST CONTRAVERSIAL COMEDIAN

View original

Drop the funniest?

Do you not find him funny?

Quote: sootyj @ November 30 2011, 10:07 AM GMT

nb why do people make spunk euphemism jokes, about what's clearly a spunk euphemism joke to begin with?

View original

Because they want to chuck it back in your face?

Anyways.. it was an STI euphemism joke..

You know.. if the cap fits..

Ooooh look! That's almost another one!

Quote: sootyj @ November 26 2011, 9:21 PM GMT

DICKY
I want to make a show called Bing Bong Mong. We stick a dozen of 'em in a giant piano and I smack them with a rubber hammer, like playing a piano.

BBC1
You are a genius.

BBC2
That's so ironic.

STEVE
Ha ha HA HA HA! Eurgh.

STEVE DROPS DEAD HAVING LAUGHED HIMSELF TO DEATH,

DICKY
Fackin' Steves broken replace him!

A DELIVERY MAN BRINGS A NEW STEVE GREEN GROCER IN ON A TROLLEY
SITS HIM UP IN A CHAIR RIPS THE CELLOPHANE OFF AND PUTS HIS BATTERIES IN HIS ER

STEVE
Ha ha!

View original

Excellent sketch Soots, I particularly liked the above