Bad News

A bit tame. Mostly visual comedy. Not sure if it'll work on paper. But funny in my head. I can imagine a Robert Webb sort of character playing Uncle.

SCENE 1. INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM - DAY

DOCTOR IS TELLING A MUM, DAD, UNCLE, SON, DAUGHTER AND COUSIN SOME BAD NEWS. THEY ALL HAVE THEIR HEADS BOWED. THE DOCTOR REASSURINGLY HAS HIS ARM ON DAUGHTER’S SHOULDER AS HE DELIVERS THE NEWS.

DOCTOR:
I’m afraid, whilst your Granddad is still with us. It’s only a matter of time.

MUM BURSTS OUT INTO TEARS.

DOCTOR:
The tumours have spread to his br…

THE DOCTOR LOOKS UP TO SEE THE UNCLE PULLING HIS TONGUE OUT AT THE DOCTOR AS HE DELIVERS THE BAD NEWS. NO ONE ELSE NOTICES THIS DUE TO THEIR HEAD BEING BOWED. THE DOCTOR LOOKS CONFUSED BUT CARRIES ON.

DOCTOR:
Ummm. The tumours have spread to his brain and are curren…
THE UNCLE PUTS HIS THUMBS IN HIS EARS, AND WAVES HIS FINGERS FROM SIDE-TO-SIDE WITH HIS TONGUE STILL OUT. THE DOCTOR IS REALLY SHOCKED, BUT TRIES TO CONTINUE.

DOCTOR:
Ummm… Yeah. They have spread to his brain and currently putting his cerebral tissue under…

THE UNCLE BITES HIS BOTTOM LIP AGGRESIVLEY AND STARTS GIVING “V” SIGNS TO THE DOCTOR. AND MIMING THE WORDS "FUCK OFF! TWAT FACE! I HATE YOU!" WITH HIS LIPS.

DOCTOR:
…Cerebral…

MUM LOOKS AT UNCLE WHO THEN BEGINS TO CRY. MUM LOOKS BACK AT THE GROUND AS UNCLE STARTS MAKING “WANKER” SIGNS WITH HIS HAND. DOCTOR IS NOW CURIOUSLY AMAZED BY UNCLE.

DOCTOR:
…He’s in a coma…

THE UNCLE STARTS RUBBING HIS FISTS AGAINST HIS CHEEK AS IF HE WERE CRYING THEN TAKES A STEP BACK, STANDS TO ONE SIDE, LEANS BACK AND STARTS SIMULATING THAT HE IS WANKING, HIS HAND GESTURES ARE SO BIG HE IS SUGGESTING HE HAS A MASSIVE COCK. THE DOCTOR LOOKS PUZZLED.

DOCTOR:
…Probably dead…

ANNOYED THE DOCTOR IS STILL CONTINUING THE UNCLE LUNGES OVER THE REST OF THE FAMILY AND PUSHES HIM IN THE FACE. THIS ALERTS THE REST OF THE FAMILY WHO LOOK AT UNCLE. UNCLE SHRUGS.

UNCLE:
What? What?

I totally loved this. I was chuckling all the way through. But, for me it fell flat on its face at the end.
I really can't over express how much I liked it and want to change the law to force you to get a better ending.
Not that I'm in the mafia or anything
Well done and sort it!

Yeah, I didn't like the ending either. Any suggestions?

I agree, the ending was not good enough for an otherwise very good sketch. It bounced along raising expectation and the end let it down.
All it needs is a punchline.

What about this? Bit predictable, but an alternative.

SCENE 1. INT. HOSPITAL BEDSIDE - DAY

DOCTOR IS ABOUT TO TELL A MUM, DAD, UNCLE (WITH HEAD BANDAGE), SON, DAUGHTER AND COUSIN SOME BAD NEWS. THEY ALL HAVE THEIR HEADS BOWED. THE DOCTOR REASSURINGLY PUTS HIS ARM ON DAUGHTER’S SHOULDER. THE GRANDDAD IS UNDER THE SHEETS, NOT VISIBLE. THE DOCTOR HOLDS A PHOTOSTAT.

DOCTOR:
I’m afraid-

UNCLE:
Hang on - can we just save a bit of time here?

DOCTOR:
I don't-

UNCLE:
I'm waiting too, so- two birds, one stone. Do me first, get me out the way, then we can hear his sorry story.

DAUGHTER:
Uncle Rod!

UNCLE:
I'm the one who injured myself driving the old sod here. It's probably just a migraine.

DOCTOR:
I've got your scan right here. (TAPS FOLDER ON BENCH) It can wait. I'm afraid your father won't be with us for long. It’s only a matter of time.

MUM BURSTS OUT INTO TEARS.

DOCTOR:
The tumours have spread to his br…

THE DOCTOR LOOKS UP TO SEE THE UNCLE PULLING HIS TONGUE OUT AT THE DOCTOR AS HE DELIVERS THE BAD NEWS. NO ONE ELSE NOTICES THIS DUE TO THEIR HEAD BEING BOWED. THE DOCTOR LOOKS CONFUSED BUT CARRIES ON.

DOCTOR:
Ummm. The tumours have spread to his brain and are curren…
THE UNCLE PUTS HIS THUMBS IN HIS EARS, AND WAVES HIS FINGERS FROM SIDE-TO-SIDE WITH HIS TONGUE STILL OUT. THE DOCTOR IS REALLY SHOCKED, BUT TRIES TO CONTINUE.

DOCTOR:
Ummm… Yeah. They have spread to his brain and currently putting his cerebral tissue under…

THE UNCLE BITES HIS BOTTOM LIP AGGRESIVLEY AND STARTS GIVING “V” SIGNS TO THE DOCTOR. AND MIMING THE WORDS "FUCK OFF! TWAT FACE! I HATE YOU!" WITH HIS LIPS.

DOCTOR:
…Cerebral…

MUM LOOKS AT UNCLE WHO THEN BEGINS TO CRY. MUM LOOKS BACK AT THE GROUND AS UNCLE STARTS MAKING “WANKER” SIGNS WITH HIS HAND. DOCTOR IS NOW CURIOUSLY AMAZED BY UNCLE.

DOCTOR:
…He’s a senseless idiot…

THE UNCLE STARTS RUBBING HIS FISTS AGAINST HIS CHEEK AS IF HE WERE CRYING THEN TAKES A STEP BACK, STANDS TO ONE SIDE, LEANS BACK AND STARTS SIMULATING THAT HE IS WANKING, HIS HAND GESTURES ARE SO BIG HE IS SUGGESTING HE HAS A MASSIVE COCK. THE DOCTOR LOOKS PUZZLED.

DOCTOR:
…Probably dead…
(PRODS THE BED. TO UNCLE: )
Right, ok...
(WITHDRAWS A PHOTOSTAT FROM THE FOLDER ON THE BENCH AND HOLDS IT TO THE LIGHT. COMPARES THE TWO.)
Ah. I think there's been a mix-up.

THE UNCLE'S WANKING MOTION SLOWS TO A HALT. GRANDDAD WALKS ROUND CARRYING A CUP OF TEA, PULLS THE SHEETS OFF THE BED TO REVEAL A PILE OF PILLOWS AND GETS IN.

Thought it was really good, but like everyone else disappointed with the ending.

Most obvious thing that comes to mind is the uncle becomes serious after all the family look at him and he sincerely starts to thank the doctor for all he's done, whilst the doctor starts pulling faces back at him. Then have some bedpan contents land on the uncle's face, and when the family turn to the doctor have him say 'What? He started it!'

Alternatively, something else.

Dan

You could have the mum saying near the end:

Mum: (pointing to uncle) Oh, dont worry about him, doctor. He has a cute psychosis.

I'm worried that I'm losing it, I couldn't see the humour in this well not without a good punchline. Why is the uncle behaving like that?
Would this do it?

DOCTOR (Looks at uncle)
Probably dead....hereditary disease.

Quote: bushbaby @ January 9, 2008, 5:33 PM

I'm worried that I'm losing it, I couldn't see the humour in this well not without a good punchline. Why is the uncle behaving like that?
Would this do it?

DOCTOR (Looks at uncle)
Probably dead....hereditary disease.

View original

you are heading in the right direction with this Bushbaby.

No offence, but I don't think Nigel and Bushbaby get it. The humour is in the Uncle behaving very inappropriately in a time when he shouldn't. Basically.

Its your sketch. Just different angles from me and the bush.

But Charles, you have to have an explanation for that behaviour. Yes, it's unusual but just someone going off on one without a reason. We all have wobblies....I think. But why? We want to know why.
I always visualise sketches/scripts and I thought this really funny until there was no punchline. It fizzled out to nothing and a good punchline would make a funny sketch into a hilarious one.
Otherwise we don't know if the uncle is mentally deranged, ill bred or just a 'Shameless' type character and so we can't find it funny.
I think if the uncle was an established character as in one from Little Britain and a series of sketches featuring this uncle character had been 'aired' we'd totally find it funny, but not just as a new sketch with a character we haven't come across before. Perhaps if you did a series of them..i.e inappropriate behaviour at a wedding and then a funeral, we'd get it

I misread it* to start with and thought the uncle was supposedly in a coma in which case I found it very funny.

* I tend to do a lot of this.

I really liked this sketch up to the punchline which didn't work for me. If it were mine I'd definitely feel it worthwhile reworking this one with different punchlines until I came up with the winner!

i really like the sketch.

i thought what might be nice is to have the doctor do it back to the uncle, and shock the uncle?