Killer sentences for phone "Survey" people.

This is a topic for suggesting sentences to instantly quench a cold-call salesperson who is claiming to be doing a "survey".

{surveys are permitted even if your phone is listed on the Telephone Preferences Service for not receiving sales calls}

Don't be upset at the thought of lying to them since they are almost certainly lying to you!

OK here's one for starters.

"Sorry I can't talk to you because I'm in the bath and the telephone might electrocute me!"

Sorry I can't talk to you, I'm in the midst of legally stabbing an intruder.

My utmost apologies, but I regret that I don't speak English. Salutations!

Quote: David Bussell @ October 28 2011, 2:49 PM BST

My utmost apologies, but I regret that I don't speak English. Salutations!

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To which they'd respond:

"You've stolen that comeback from a Big Train sketch, haven't you? You cheeky f**k!"

Quote: groovydude89 @ October 28 2011, 2:53 PM BST

To which they'd respond:

"You've stolen that comeback that from a Big Train sketch, haven't you? You cheeky f**k!"

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Too late, I've already put the phone down.

Quote: David Bussell @ October 28 2011, 2:54 PM BST

Too late, I've already put the phone down.

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But nevertheless, it's still a moral victory for the cold caller.

Quote: groovydude89 @ October 28 2011, 2:56 PM BST

But nevertheless, it's still a moral victory for the cold caller.

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All I care is that they're left righteous and angry while I go back to chuckling along to my Big Train DVD.

"F**k off!"
Slam phone down.

Used to work for me back when I had a home phone and received calls from telemarketers.

That also happens to be Aaron's technique.

One day, he'll mistake my dad for a telemarketer and there will be facepalms all round.

I'm surprised at both of them, being conservatives I'd have thought they'd willingly help oil the wheels of commerce and not try to derail them. Tut tut. They'll be camping outside St Pauls next! You must order a finger wagging smiley.

Sorry I can't, I'm not in at the moment.

Sorry, but I can't speak because I'm working. Would you mind answering a few questions for a survey my prestigious company is doing?

Do you know who I am...?

No...

Well f**k off then...!

I've considered learning some Gaelic and blasting them with it. Or would French do, do you think? Or Latin? Maybe they'd think they'd mistakenly phoned a foreign country.

Survey?

Now?

I'm sorry, youve rung at a very inconvenient time, Im just about to rub one out over Emmerdale

Can you ring back in about 2 minutes?