Debiray
Thursday 27th October 2011 10:21am
5 posts
I attended the trials on Friday night and thought it might be a useful exercise for the writers, to show my original feedback and then update it based on how the scripts came across to me when the cast performed them on the night.
As Plain As Day - Maybe
Some nice lines but feels like it needs more work - needs to either get more credible or much sillier.
Friday Night Feedback
This really was funny on the night - not sure why on reading the script I thought it needed to be sillier - the silliness of the Panda thing really worked with the audience and I laughed out loud a lot. The female Italian character and Day's Boss, were well written on the page and they played out fantastically well on stage.
Doing It For The Kids - No
Really liked the character of Clive, and some nice lines for Pearl - a Charity Shop is a good situation with a lot of potential but think it needs more work on the humour.
Friday Night Feedback
This was very funny on the night and for me worked a load better being read than on the page - the character of Clive was played to a tee by the actor and only just managed to steal the show from Pearl - it was lovely, warm, traditional comedy and you could picture which TV actor would play what role really well.
Leaping Tiger - Yes
Very silly - very funny - just loved it - laughed out loud a lot.
Friday Night Feedback
This was still my favourite and got my vote on the night as well as in the pre-round. It was just bonkers funny and the characters were all strong enough to stand alone and will no doubt have a good run in whatever situation they end up in. The first big laugh at "Sc**thorpe" made me laugh out loud with everyone else again on the night - even though I knew it was coming.
The Mad Axe-Man and Her - Yes
My script so I'm saying yes cos I wouldn't have posted it if I didn't think it was OK but a read through now it has been posted confirms it could have done with another few of drafts but still think it has the potential to work on stage/in the pub so I'm sticking with yes.
Friday Night Feedback
The two characters were characters I'd grown really fond of in a novel I've just finished the first draft of and - not wanting to let them go - I decided to see how they worked out in a sitcom environment, so wrote it up and took a punt on entering Sitcom Trials.
On the pre-round I got a lot of really objective and useful feedback - one reader gave me a "no" because there was too much swearing - this was absolutely bourne out on Friday night - the gag of the guy swearing was over-played - a good editing note for the next draft. Some of the lines that appeared to read funny on the page were lost on the night and just passed the audience by - all points to take forward in the next draft.
The Tragic Life of Roger Bullwark - Yes
Liked the idea and the characters - started really well - loved the whole Hypochondriac thing and Zac turning up but felt Zak stepped over the line from being funny/supporter of Roger to being a bit nasty towards the end and he lost me - think it needs another couple of drafts though.
Friday Night Feedback
The audience seemed to immediately "get" this - I loved it, but stand by my original feedback that Zac moved over a line and for me came across as too hard on Roger towards the end and I think needs to be more supportive without being less funny - no idea how you do that though? Even though it was hard for it to be done proper justice on the little stage, because of the different locations it still went down a storm opening the show.
Sitcom Trials Feedback
As wanabe writers we all know it is incredibly hard if not impossible, to get your words read and receive objective feedback from complete strangers. Having now gone through the process here's my feedback on it.
I disagree that getting a "no" is too harsh a process, providing the "no" is qualified with the reasons why it hasn't appealed to the reader. One of the "no's" I got was because there was "too much swearing" and as it turned out was bang on the money - on the reading the overplay on the swearing detracted from the gag or story point being made. This "no" is probably the most useful bit of feedback and edit note I've had from the process. Also reading other peoples scripts and having to provide feedback is a really good opportunity to enable you to analyse your own work more objectively.
Thank you for providing us all with the opportunity of putting our words out there, Kev. Long may The Trials continue as an open and trusted environment for new comedy work to be developed.
Thank you to Kev for providing us all with the opportunity of reading others work and honing our own.