Jokes needed for community radio show

As some of you will know I recently began broadcasting on the community radio station Peterborough FM.

http://peterborough.fm

For most of the year Peterborough FM just streams over the Internet but they do have a full FM licence for a few weeks 2-3 times a year.

I'm on for an hour between 8-9 on Thursday evening in a show called 'The Pleasuredome Pick'n'Mix'. Now, what I'd like to do is play some jokes or short sketches on the show whether they be topical or related to a particular theme. Is anyone able to help with this? I'm afraid I can't offer payment but it is at least a chance to have your material broadcast - you will of course be namechecked in the show itself.

At the moment I'm not ruling anything out but I think 90 seconds is the absolute maximum time for a recording I can take. Ideally I'm looking for less than 30 seconds.

The other rule, and I can't make any exceptions on this, is that jokes must be clean and aren't offensive - it is a community station afterall.

My next show is this Thursday so if you're quick and can come up with something to match the show's theme 'Time' you could still be broadcast this week.

If you have any ideas or questions then PM me or email pleasuredome-pfm@hotmail.co.uk

Quote: Tuumble @ October 25 2011, 5:49 PM BST

My next show is this Thursday so if you're quick and can come up with something to match the show's theme 'Time' you could still be broadcast this week.

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Could you elaborate a bit more about this week's theme?

It's very broad really. Basically in last week's show the timing went all to cock and I signed off to silence finishing about 2 minutes early. All songs in the next show have time related titles including 3am Eternal by KLF and The Last Time by The Rolling Stones. Therefore if a gag is to do with time it has a chance of either being played if recorded or read out on air.

Just to be clear I will read out gags and one-liners but any scripts need be performed and recorded yourself.

I have a couple of emails to reply to - thanks people - but as I'm not at home I'll have to deal with those in a bit. Stay tuned...

People say to me to be patient, but I don't have the time for patience.

Patient: Nurse, nurse, I can't feel my legs...

Nurse: I know, we've cut your arms off...

knock knock
who's there
c**t
c**t who
c**t you f**k off you c**t

my dogs got no nose
how does he smell
you tell me, he's under your floor boards

I bought one of those time delay................................................
switches.

I think if you've got a joke to submit you should email the address given, rather than post it on here.

Sorry I haven't got the time for emails.

I bought a second hand clock the other day. It's not very useful.

My dad bought a grandfather clock the other day, I asked the wife if there was something she wasn't telling me.

Dog: Woof woof woof woof woof...

Doctor: Really, how does he smell...?

Dog: Woof...

Remember guys that there is actually a theme and 'clean only' rule. Some of these may make the cut but email would be better so as not to spoil the joke.

First he wants free jokes and now we've got to pay to deliver them...

Well, it's an opportunity to be broadcast and to practice writing for a theme - no one is being forced to send stuff in. To me it just makes sense for the jokes to be fresh when first heard and that they don't risk offending anyone - it is a local community radio station afterall.

What does a clock do when it's hungry?

Go back four seconds.