Builder's Bump Page 2

But there is no reason to avoid the cafe thats the joke, the ludicrous stereotype that builders sit 1000s of feet to eat

"Hi Tom. Remember, this is just my humble opinion! Ideas? OK!"

Fred I got from that that you felt I was being a bit off with you, I'm not at all, I respect what you say, but am just saying why I wrote it in the way I did. That's the problem with message boards it's hard to establish tone. But, everyone I just want to assure that I'm not meaning to sound off or anything. Who knows perhaps you didn't think that at all Fred and I'm just misinterpreting myself

No offence taken at all, Tom! I think my putting 'OK!' was meant to mean 'OK here goes' not 'OK' through gritted teeth. I'd like to think that everyone on this forum is not easily offended but thank you for making sure. Anyway, back to funny things, eh?

Couldn't agree more (I don't get offended anyway )

I didn't get the joke entirely but I tried to find one in what was there. If you are having to explain it then it probably needs some re-writing, and Slag A's comments are valid - if it doesn't need to be there to make thejoke work, or add to it, then why is it there?
But then again I liked my suggested revision (I would - it was my idea).

Cheers for your input Badge, Im going to take out some of the excess. I suppose the joke itself spawned from seeing that well known image of builders sat high up eating lunch and thinking, why would they sit up there?

But it's ok not everyone will get all jokes I suppose, just seems to be the majority of people didn't here. Can't win them all right?

EDIT:

Slag I've cut the dialogue to this -

SCENE 1. EXT. A HALF BUILT SKYSCRAPER

TWO BUILDERS SIT ON A GIRDER THOUSANDS OF FEET UP IN THE AIR. THEY ARE EATING LUNCH AND CHATTING, A CITY SKYLINE BEHIND THEM.

BUILDER #2:

Hey did you speak to Steve?

BUILDER #1:

Oh yeah I spoke to Steve, he wasn’t happy. Ha you should have seen him, we were sat round the pool table and…

ALL OF A SUDDEN, AS HE IS ADJUSTING SLIGHTLY, BUILDER #1 LOSES HIS BALANCE AND FALLS OFF THE GIRDER WITH AN UNDERSTATED…

… Woops!

BUILDER #2:

Woah! (PAUSE) Right, I should start eating my lunch in the cafeteria like everyone else.

THE END

I can't bring myself to cut anymore otherwise it would just go straight into falling off the girder, wouldn't it?

Quote: Tom Pk @ February 4, 2007, 7:00 PM

But there is no reason to avoid the cafe thats the joke, the ludicrous stereotype that builders sit 1000s of feet to eat

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I spent the best part of 20 years working for a building firm and on two of the larger developments the company saw fit to get in a cafe. Whenever I went onto this multi million pound development site, there were only ever people in the cafe. Didn't matter what time it was. So I'm afraid I don't recognise your stereotype. The thing about the cafe though, was that it was a smoke filled porta cabin. The plumbers smoked, the electricians smoked, the brickies smoked, the roofers smoked, even the old crones serving the foot took regular cigarette breaks.

Personally I find SlagA's suggestion more realistic and far far funnier, sorry.

Not sure about a stereotype. But the builders lunching on a girder is a pretty well-known image from the famous photo/poster from 1930s New York: "Lunchtime atop a Skyscraper".

Yeah, sorry, maybe stereotype was the wrong word to use. But JonnyD is right after "Lunchtime atop a Skyscraper" I bet if I asked a random person to draw a builder having lunch they would think of that image. I suppose most people aren't familiar with that here so I can understand why it would go over heads.