I'd just like to reserve a space for later.
NewsJack Series 5 one liner rejects - unification Page 12
Okay, so six weeks and I couldn't get on. Still, there's always next year. Here's my last lost of rejects:
Johnny English has topped the UK box office chart in its opening weekend. After both the Labour and Conservative conferences, it appears the country has developed a taste for watching government representatives make fools of themselves.
Conservative MP Andrea Leadsom has described a proposed £32bn national high-speed rail link as a 'white elephant'. Rail consumer group 'Passenger Focus', has welcomed the MP's comments, and added 'with the animal's average speed of 10mph, at least it will be quicker than the current link.
The Bank of England has denied that increasing the number of cash machines that contain five-pound notes is a result of the current financial crisis, but merely a circulation issue. However, the next generation of machines will incorporate the facility to dispense hot cooked meals and blankets.
China has become the top export destination for Scottish Salmon after only six months of trading. The first half of 2011 saw 2,347 tonnes exported, which compares to their established worldwide Haggis exports that amount to some 500g.
Pop singer Lady Gaga has won an injunction, stopping the makers of an online children's game promoting a character called 'Lady Goo goo'. The animated, sunglasses wearing munchkin has enjoyed a string of chart hits including 'Pokerface' and 'Bad Romance'.
After 26 years of wrongful imprisonment, Boxer Dewey Bozella has fulfilled his lifetime dream by making his professional debut and winning. This is a complete turnaround for the boxing profession, whose artisans usually have a successful career and THEN end up in prison.
Scientists have finally pieced together the entire DNA sequence of a woman who lived to 115, in an attempt to discover the secret of longevity. She had no signs of dementia and the mind of someone decades younger. The only negative point being, she was dead.
Sub-continent India has recently launched the Aakash tablet computer, its own version of the iPad. Retailing at just $35, it still has serious issues with its operating system and communication software, making it more than a match for existing competitors.
The victim of a mobile phone theft has been successfully sued after his assailant suffered a gastric infection from bacteria on the phone. Phone users have been advised to carry wet wipes for use in the event of future robberies.
One hundred years ago this week, packets of chewing gum went on sale for the first time in Britain. Samples of the very first sticks can still be found at the British museum, in the cafe, under the table nearest the door.
Correction: Last week we misquoted the G20 group of nations and used comments from an interview with the rap band D12. To clarify, ministers are not going to resolve the current world financial crisis by 'smacking anyone's bitch up'.
My rejects. Ignore the funny numbers etc. I can't seem to get rid of them!
Apps
Disgruntled
It's like the prodigal son all over! Bertie does all the hard work, but Wooten gets all the glory!
Old Lady
I was looking on the internet this week for a 'Tickle Me Elmo' for my grandson and was diverted to YouTube. I have no idea if the young man I saw was called Elmo, but they certainly didn't tickle like that in my day!
Sesame St Count
I love to count! 46, 24, 36. Ah ha ha ha.
Sesame St Count
I love to count! One reverse cowgirl, two reverse cowgirls Ah ha ha ha
Toff
74,000 car accidents caused in the UK by deer? It's those Bamn B roads?
Old Man
I was disappointed with ITV's This Morning's feature on sex toys and sexual positions for the over 60's. It was less Anne Summers, and more Anne Widdecome.
Corrections
Following Sesame Street's YouTube porn hacking, we now accept that yesterday's programme was not brought to you by the letters S and M, or by the number 69.
Contrary to our earlier report, Gatwick officials, when hearing of 350 angry Indians on the runway, did not advise British Airways to form their planes into a big circle.
Justin
We reported earlier that Channel 4 were to broadcast the first Egyptian Mummification for 3,000 years. We now accept that this was a documentary featuring a dead Torquay taxi driver who had volunteered for the procedure, and not the comeback vehicle for Robert Kilroy-Silk.
@Park bench and Will Cam I liked a lot of the ones you posted, especially the woman of 115 and Kilroy-Silk gags.
Haven't posted here before, but I've been trying and failing to get stuff on NJ for the last two series. My latest rejections:
CORRECTION: We wrongly reported last week that Liam Fox had lost his job as Defence Secretary over an inappropriate relationship with Peter Falk. He actually lost it over that man he kept seeing in Colombo.
- A new report out this week highlights the shocking case of a man who was stripped of all dignity and forced to sit in a pile of his own excrement for more than a week. Yes, Gus O'Donnell's report on Liam Fox makes disturbing reading.
- Hello? Dr Seuss speaking. Fox gets flak as Fox pulled tricks, Fox fears sack, Fox cacks bricks, Things look black, Fox ups sticks.
- After a public outcry over fortnightly collections, Westminster Council has announced that it will be returning to emptying Oliver Letwin's out-tray once a week.
-The Israelis have swapped 1000 Palestinians for Gilad Shalit. They'd also hoped to exchange 450 Top Trumps for their only missing chocolate frog card, but Hamas weren't having any of it.
Quote: blackbroom @ October 20 2011, 6:14 PM BST@Park bench and Will Cam I liked a lot of the ones you posted, especially the woman of 115 and Kilroy-Silk gags.
- Hello? Dr Seuss speaking. Fox gets flak as Fox pulled tricks, Fox fears sack, Fox cacks bricks, Things look black, Fox ups sticks.
Cheers blackbroom. The Dr Seuss line is a cracker but you could have turned it into a short sketch. V.funny.
Park Bench - yours were all very well crafted and captured the tone of the show. I particularly liked the 115 year old as well.
I concur. 
Quote: Park Bench @ October 20 2011, 6:00 PM BSTOne hundred years ago this week, packets of chewing gum went on sale for the first time in Britain. Samples of the very first sticks can still be found at the British museum, in the cafe, under the table nearest the door.
Quote: Will Cam @ October 20 2011, 6:01 PM BSTCorrections
Following Sesame Street's YouTube porn hacking, we now accept that yesterday's programme was not brought to you by the letters S and M, or by the number 69.
Quote: blackbroom @ October 20 2011, 6:14 PM BST- Hello? Dr Seuss speaking. Fox gets flak as Fox pulled tricks, Fox fears sack, Fox cacks bricks, Things look black, Fox ups sticks.
Liked all the above, bad luck they didn't get on.
Sigh....
Jack Apps
JUSTIN:
(INTRO) Opinions are like mobile phones. Everybody has one and
most are full of crap. To prove it, here are some of yours - donated via the JackApp.
CALLER:
Rioters who loot shops could face much longer jail-terms? I thought we'd moved on from the times when you could be locked up for years for stealing an Apple.
CALLER:
Why don't the Government make up their minds? First they say the public should find ways to cut fuel bills and still stay warm, then they tell us obesity's a bad thing.
CALLER:
I accept Liam Fox's explanation that he allowed the
distinction between his personal and government activities to become blurred - as I hope the police will accept that in August I allowed the distinction between looting JJB Sports and not looting JJB Sports to become blurred.
CALLER:
Allowing members to use Twitter in the House of Commons would be extremely dangerous. Thousands of badly-informed tweets pouring into a chamber already full of MP's could lead to a critical-mass of idiocy.
CALLER:
Fining streakers 20-grand for advertising brand-names on their bodies at the Olympics is a waste of time. The average Brit's obese enough to still make a decent profit.
Corrections
READER:
We'd like to clarify our earlier report about the woman charged with impersonating Katie Price. When she said 'I can't believe I was so stupid' she was referring to her criminal actions - and not the effect adopting Ms Price's personality had on her IQ.
READER:
Newsjack would like to apologise to Terry Gilliam for suggesting that having his new film sponsored by a pasta firm might influence the story. We were wrong and look forward to seeing 'Penny Carbonara and the Bolognese kid' in cinema's in the New Year.
... and here are mine ...
[INTRO] JUSTIN
tock markets continue to be volatile as EU Ministers debate whether to give Greek bond holders 'a haircut' or the full 'back, sack and crack' treatment.
(INTRO) JUSTIN: The Stone Roses, Siamese Twins and the Deathstar - three things that should never be put back together.
(INTRO) JUSTIN: The Palestinians have swopped one Israeli soldier for one THOUSAND prisoners in what has to be the best bit of negotiating since I persuaded Bogey Beaumont to swop me Gazza for four Peter Shiltons and twelve Carlton Palmers.
(INTRO) JUSTIN: 'This Morning' has received a record number of complaints following an item which involved a geriatric couple trying out various sexual positions and discussing sex aids; however a spokesperson for Sting and his wife Trudie Styler say they have no regrets over appearing on the show.
(JACKAPP INTRO) JUSTIN: The 'Occupy everything except a nice warm bath and a decent hairdressers' group may represent ninety-nine percent of society but we at Newsjack are proud to give the other one percent a voice which is why we came up with the Jackapp . . .
(JACKAPP) PALESTINIAN: I believe that the swop of Gilad Shalit for one thousand Palestinian prisoners WILL open up the way to further dialogue between the two peoples. I myself have offered twelve stones and a petrol bomb in exchange for 500 tanks and an F16 - and if they shake on it today I'll throw in a couple of goats as well.
(JACKAPP) PROTESTOR: We've had a committee meeting and we've voted to change our slogan from 'we are the 99%' to 'we're less than 99% but more than zero - just'.
(JACKAPP) YOUNG GIRL: I think it's very unfair that Lady Ga-Ga has made Moshi Monsters remove Lady Goo-Goo when she hasn't said a single thing about Lady Poo-Poo on Sesame Street.
(INTRO) JUSTIN: Sesame Street was forced to take down its YouTube channel after hackers replaced the usual content with hardcore porn, meaning thousands of pre-school children wanting to follow the latest adventures of two non-gay men who spend all their time together had to watch Sky News instead.
(INTRO) JUSTIN: The Bank of England's inflation forecasts are like the hackers who uploaded porn to the Sesame Street YouTube channel - very, very wrong.
[INTRO] JUSTIN:Energy prices are like plastic reindeer and inflatable Santas at Wayne Rooney's house - they always go up well before Christmas and don't come back down until March . . .
[INTRO] JUSTIN
avid Cameron has said he'd like energy prices to go down faster than X-Factor's ratings.
[INTRO] JUSTIN:X-Factor bosses have denied that celebrity judge Tulisa is morphing into Supernanny, Jo Frost, and the introduction of a naughty step for next week's show is entirely coincidental.
[JACKAPP] WOMAN:I'm white, middle-class, studying for a degree in a daft subject no employer is interested in and had to ask Mummy for the train fare to get here - I am the 99% of Occupy London protestors.
[JACKAPP] WOMAN:The reason I'll be perfect for the job is my multi-tasking skills are excellent. This morning I was simultaneously fighting corporate greed in London whilst doing brass rubbings at Saint Paul's Cathedral and tomorrow I'm sticking my head in concrete at Dale Farm.
My efforts this week:
"Did you know that castrated cricketers are more likely to bowl no-balls?"
"Free parenting lessons? Are you having a laugh? Free condoms would be more cost effective!"
"As a member of the 1%, I firmly believe that minorities deserve preferential treatment!"
"What with all the free love that's taking place at these 'Occupy' protests, it wouldn't surprise me if the 99% become the 99.9%; in nine months time!"
"Oliver Letwin is essentially a lo-tech Julian Assange!"
"I think David Cameron should dump Oliver Letwin in a park bin!"
"Something about Oliver Letwin's name; makes me think that he's a bit of a bad sport!"
"There's nearly seven billion people on the planet now...and every last one of them is going to descend on Britain; claim asylum and live a life of luxury on benefits...unless we all vote BNP!"
"As an opponent of affirmative action, I refuse to describe Gary Lineker's facial hair as a 'moustache'!"
Loads of great stuff there everyone, makes me feel better about my immense rejection. Here are mine from the final week, in my defence -insert excuse here-
Opinions are like Botox injections; one may go unnoticed but if you're full of them people get scared
Jackapp:
This Liam Fox and government links to the US far right palaver shows ministers are hypocrites who are completely out of touch with our struggle; I only managed to get a job on a building site after my mate helped me out, what with the immigrants taking all the work.
One-liners:
Whales have been spotted off the UK coast. Scotland have jealously upped their campaign for separation
Beyonce is being sued by a choreographer who claims the singer stole a dance move. Mary mother of Christ is also considering suing Beyonce, saying high profile pregnancy is her trademark.
In an exciting discovery in the world of science, webs constructed of DNA have been made to copy themselves. Obviously, the original DNA will be suing.
The final report on Liam Fox and Adam Werrity said that wrongdoing did occur. When presented with it, David Cameron set it alight, providing a smokescreen behind which Andy Coulson still hides.
Like the milk that Nick Clegg puts in David Cameron's tea, we're off- goodnight.
Quote: Big Jack @ October 20 2011, 2:07 AM BST(2)Yeah, poverty is a problem area, but I find it difficult to believe that in this day and age Edwina Currie could not find enough words to eat.
(4)It was the World Scrabble Championships this week. The word is didn't score much.
(10)Premier League footballers have been given a DNA test - in which it was found that none of them could spell DNA.
Good
Quote: radiat10n @ October 20 2011, 12:23 PM BST-I heard that Steps are at #1, well I live at #34 and I still don't have a proper footpath outside my house!
Justin:Mistakes are like film adaptations of The Three Musketeers - more than enough have been made already, but the latest is highly unlikely to be the last. At Newsjack we occasionally broadcast errors, so here are some corrections:
Like.
Quote: Park Bench @ October 20 2011, 6:00 PM BSTPop singer Lady Gaga has won an injunction, stopping the makers of an online children's game promoting a character called 'Lady Goo goo'. The animated, sunglasses wearing munchkin has enjoyed a string of chart hits including 'Pokerface' and 'Bad Romance'.
Sub-continent India has recently launched the Aakash tablet computer, its own version of the iPad. Retailing at just $35, it still has serious issues with its operating system and communication software, making it more than a match for existing competitors.
I like these. However, I know at least one of the producers is thoroughly fed-up with this these types of gags!
Quote: Park Bench @ October 20 2011, 6:00 PM BSTOne hundred years ago this week, packets of chewing gum went on sale for the first time in Britain. Samples of the very first sticks can still be found at the British museum, in the cafe, under the table nearest the door.
Good.
Quote: Will Cam @ October 20 2011, 6:01 PM BSTSesame St Count
I love to count! One reverse cowgirl, two reverse cowgirls Ah ha ha ha
Toff
74,000 car accidents caused in the UK by deer? It's those Bamn B roads?
All good. A groan in there too!
Quote: Will Cam @ October 20 2011, 6:01 PM BSTFollowing Sesame Street's YouTube porn hacking, we now accept that yesterday's programme was not brought to you by the letters S and M, or by the number 69.
I did the same one pretty much (see below). Gareth Gwynn got in there first apparently, then they read around 1 million of the same app!
Quote: blackbroom @ October 20 2011, 6:14 PM BST- A new report out this week highlights the shocking case of a man who was stripped of all dignity and forced to sit in a pile of his own excrement for more than a week. Yes, Gus O'Donnell's report on Liam Fox makes disturbing reading.
- After a public outcry over fortnightly collections, Westminster Council has announced that it will be returning to emptying Oliver Letwin's out-tray once a week.
These are good.
Quote: Frantically @ October 20 2011, 7:19 PM BSTCALLER:
I accept Liam Fox's explanation that he allowed the
distinction between his personal and government activities to become blurred - as I hope the police will accept that in August I allowed the distinction between looting JJB Sports and not looting JJB Sports to become blurred.
Like.
Quote: Frantically @ October 20 2011, 7:19 PM BSTCALLER:
Allowing members to use Twitter in the House of Commons would be extremely dangerous. Thousands of badly-informed tweets pouring into a chamber already full of MP's could lead to a critical-mass of idiocy.
Good idea here. Needs to be executed better though.
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 20 2011, 8:46 PM BST(INTRO) JUSTIN: The Stone Roses, Siamese Twins and the Deathstar - three things that should never be put back together.
I like it, but a good tip in general for Newsjack is try to avoid Star Wars. And Dr Who for that matter.
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 20 2011, 8:46 PM BST(JACKAPP INTRO) JUSTIN: The 'Occupy everything except a nice warm bath and a decent hairdressers' group may represent ninety-nine percent of society but we at Newsjack are proud to give the other one percent a voice which is why we came up with the Jackapp . . .
Like this too.
Quote: groovydude89 @ October 21 2011, 10:47 AM BST"Free parenting lessons? Are you having a laugh? Free condoms would be more cost effective!"
"What with all the free love that's taking place at these 'Occupy' protests, it wouldn't surprise me if the 99% become the 99.9%; in nine months time!"
Like these two also.
I'm not feeling it as much this week, people. Stronger stuff in the previous episodes. Has everyone just limped over the finish line this time?
My travesties:
CHILD:
Mummy told me that Sesame Street was hacked by naughty men. I didn't see any rude bits. Today I learnt the letters 'Ooooooooh' and 'Ahhhhhhhhh' and the number was 69.
APP:
This story that Van Gogh didn't kill himself is not only a bit strange: it's downright ear-y.
APP:
So, they think they can buy off us smartphone users with $100 worth of free apps? This is just putting cream on the Blackberry crumble.
NUTCASE:
I see it's easy to get to number one in the album charts simply by having a reunion on TV. Great! This week, I'm meeting one of my victims on CrimeWatch. Well... an actor *playing* me...
APP:
I was severely disappointed to hear that streaking at the Olympics would carry a twenty grand fine. I thought it was a new event.
APP:
VAT after cosmetic surgery is only fair. I mean, it all starts from a big vat anyway...
APP:
A meat cleaver was confiscated from someone entering the Houses of Parliament? I think George Osbourne is taking these cuts too far.
APP:
I see the Poles were once covered in lush greenery. But they were forced to wash before we let them in to teach us plumbing.
APP:
I don't know how those skydivers had sex in mid-air. I've never managed to attach the parachute to the bed!
APP:
So, because of the spending cuts, Cameron's driving women to Labour. But wouldn't a bus be even cheaper?
APP:
Liam Fox broke a ministerial code, did he? I must say I'm surprised: encryption hasn't so far seemed to be his greatest strength.
Dan
I like (7) and (8) - think I have a cricket app fetish.
(4) sounds like it could be good but the turn of phrase isn't quite right.
Quote: Big Jack @ October 20 2011, 2:07 AM BSTJackApps One-liners
(4)It was the World Scrabble Championships this week. The word is didn't score much.
(7)The Queen is touring Australia next month. Wow! It's become so easy to beat them at cricket.
(8)I heard the Queen was touring Australia next month. I guess she'll open the batting at "One"?
I do like the Justin / Just-in gag.
And the Jack-apps, the steps one reminds me of an old Bob Monkhouse like (sex at 74) but the phrasing isn't quite right.
Like the corrections introduction but could be punchier.
Quote: radiat10n @ October 20 2011, 12:23 PM BST- About 58 000 people in the UK are expected to have changed their name by deep poll by the end of the year. I'd join them if only I could decide whether to change my surname to 'Pants' or become known simply as 'This Just In'...
Jack-apps:
- I'm well impressed with the 100 year old who ran the marathon. I don't even have the energy to run ideas past my wife anymore, me.
-I heard that Steps are at #1, well I live at #34 and I still don't have a proper footpath outside my house!
Corrections:
Justin:Mistakes are like film adaptations of The Three Musketeers - more than enough have been made already, but the latest is highly unlikely to be the last.
Park bench - I like a lot of your apps but they aren't written as one-liners / apps. The ideas I like:
Quote: Park Bench @ October 20 2011, 6:00 PM BSTThe Bank of England has denied that increasing the number of cash machines that contain five-pound notes is a result of the current financial crisis, but merely a circulation issue. However, the next generation of machines will incorporate the facility to dispense hot cooked meals and blankets.
China has become the top export destination for Scottish Salmon after only six months of trading. The first half of 2011 saw 2,347 tonnes exported, which compares to their established worldwide Haggis exports that amount to some 500g.
After 26 years of wrongful imprisonment, Boxer Dewey Bozella has fulfilled his lifetime dream by making his professional debut and winning. This is a complete turnaround for the boxing profession, whose artisans usually have a successful career and THEN end up in prison.
Sub-continent India has recently launched the Aakash tablet computer, its own version of the iPad. Retailing at just $35, it still has serious issues with its operating system and communication software, making it more than a match for existing competitors.
Like these.
Quote: Will Cam @ October 20 2011, 6:01 PM BSTApps
Sesame St Count
I love to count! 46, 24, 36. Ah ha ha ha.
Corrections
Following Sesame Street's YouTube porn hacking, we now accept that yesterday's programme was not brought to you by the letters S and M, or by the number 69.
Contrary to our earlier report, Gatwick officials, when hearing of 350 angry Indians on the runway, did not advise British Airways to form their planes into a big circle.
Like this one
Quote: blackbroom @ October 20 2011, 6:14 PM BSTCORRECTION: We wrongly reported last week that Liam Fox had lost his job as Defence Secretary over an inappropriate relationship with Peter Falk. He actually lost it over that man he kept seeing in Colombo.
Like this one thought perhaps could be re-worded to be snappier?
Quote: Frantically @ October 20 2011, 7:19 PM BSTREADER:
We'd like to clarify our earlier report about the woman charged with impersonating Katie Price. When she said 'I can't believe I was so stupid' she was referring to her criminal actions - and not the effect adopting Ms Price's personality had on her IQ.
Always enjoy a nice Pannini sticker album reference:
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 20 2011, 8:46 PM BST...
(INTRO) JUSTIN: The Palestinians have swopped one Israeli soldier for one THOUSAND prisoners in what has to be the best bit of negotiating since I persuaded Bogey Beaumont to swop me Gazza for four Peter Shiltons and twelve Carlton Palmers.
Like this one groovydude89. The others didn't feel in the style of apps in the show. But hey, I've not managed to get the style of the show this series!
Quote: groovydude89 @ October 21 2011, 10:47 AM BST"What with all the free love that's taking place at these 'Occupy' protests, it wouldn't surprise me if the 99% become the 99.9%; in nine months time!"
And like both of these Dan.
(Shame you don't work for the BBC otherise the 69 / S&M line would have got in.
Quote: swerytd @ October 21 2011, 11:05 AM BSTAPP:
A meat cleaver was confiscated from someone entering the Houses of Parliament? I think George Osbourne is taking these cuts too far.APP:
Liam Fox broke a ministerial code, did he? I must say I'm surprised: encryption hasn't so far seemed to be his greatest strength.
And if anyone is still reading the thread here are our rejects:
CORRECTIONS
Mistakes are like children. They're embarrassing and the Pope doesn't make them.
Contrary to what we reported earlier, Britain did get all 193 states to sponsor its UN Olympic truce resolution. And no they didn't forget about Pound-land, Disney-land, Lego-land, River Is-land...
We apologise for a story last week in which we said Dale Farm residents were buying lucky heather to help avoid eviction. It was of course lucky black cats.
NEWSJACK APP
Malaria has been eradicated in 3 countries and campaigners are working non-stop to eliminate it in another ten. I guess, once you're bitten by the bug...
(MALE TEEN) Compare prices? Switch energy supplier? Too right bruv! Relentless is bear cheaper than Red Bull.
(POSH WOMAN SOBBING) My appeal against organising a riot on facebook was rejected. You make one typo when arranging a musical trio in Tottenham (LOUD SOB)
I'm glad Richard Branson has opened his new spaceport, now me and thousands of others may realise our dream. Of seeing the bearded tit being blasted off the face of the earth.
I read that 50% of the allegations made against teachers are false. So when I said they were a bunch of jumped up little Hitlers who only work 6 months a year, which half was true?
(PHONING COMPETITION) I'd like to submit my suggestions of a new name for the Very Large Array radio telescope. Number 1 You call that a Radio Telescope, this is a Radio Telescope, Number 2 Overcompensating for other areas Radio Telescope, Number 3 Radio Phwoar! and Number 4 Nigel.
(PRINCE PHILIP) I think changing the way the Royal Family is funded is a bloody disgrace. (BEAT) But the wife is swimming the Thames next month if you'd like to sponsor her.
They found out that Scottish football is over 500 years old. Wow! It's been shit for much longer than I thought.
Scottish Football has been traced back to 1497, though archaeologists still aren't sure if Rangers or Celtic won the league that year.
Some great one liners from many people, as always.
One question:
Quote: Park Bench @ October 20 2011, 6:00 PM BSTThe victim of a mobile phone theft has been successfully sued after his assailant suffered a gastric infection from bacteria on the phone. Phone users have been advised to carry wet wipes for use in the event of future robberies.
I didn't see this story, where can I find it?
Quote: StephenM @ October 21 2011, 1:10 PM BSTMistakes are like children. They're embarrassing and the Pope doesn't make them.
(POSH WOMAN SOBBING) My appeal against organising a riot on facebook was rejected. You make one typo when arranging a musical trio in Tottenham (LOUD SOB)
I'm glad Richard Branson has opened his new spaceport, now me and thousands of others may realise our dream. Of seeing the bearded tit being blasted off the face of the earth.
I read that 50% of the allegations made against teachers are false. So when I said they were a bunch of jumped up little Hitlers who only work 6 months a year, which half was true?
(PHONING COMPETITION) I'd like to submit my suggestions of a new name for the Very Large Array radio telescope. Number 1 You call that a Radio Telescope, this is a Radio Telescope, Number 2 Overcompensating for other areas Radio Telescope, Number 3 Radio Phwoar! and Number 4 Nigel.
Like all these, StephenM.
Dan