British Comedy Guide

Newsjack - Series 5 Page 58

Quote: John Kelly @ October 12 2011, 11:41 PM BST

A war reporter reports on the conflict at a children's party.

Thanks for posting the list!

Hmmm... I wrote a Spooks parody about the new EU toy safety rules that featured a children's party. I'm just clutching at straws though, right..?

Quote: 3songsnoflash @ October 13 2011, 12:40 AM BST

I'm just clutching at straws though, right..?

According to the EU directive, this is very dangerous.

Laughing out loud

Big Jack - Sorry, don't recall anything about Hitler.

Blackbroom - Unfortunately there were two Liam Fox sketches and they tend to blend one into the other in my mind, especially as Justin did the same very camp Werrity character in both. I seem to remember the trailer involved Werrity doing various illegal acts and Fox coming along and not noticing anything wrong.

3songsnoflash - Sorry, I don't recall it being about the toys directive, it seemed to be the kids who were more dangerous. I haven't seen much of Spooks but I don't think it was referenced. It was more of a war reporter parody with the reporter interviewing a children's entertainer about his fears for what might happen.

I take it there wasn't a joke about Big Ben actually being the bell, making the tower lean to one side, over time, like a penis ?

Quote: John Kelly @ October 13 2011, 7:44 AM BST

Blackbroom - Unfortunately there were two Liam Fox sketches and they tend to blend one into the other in my mind, especially as Justin did the same very camp Werrity character in both. I seem to remember the trailer involved Werrity doing various illegal acts and Fox coming along and not noticing anything wrong.

Bugger. It wasn't mine. Thank yoy very much for the info, anyway.

So my McCartney sketch did not appear after all. Unless my "And Finally..." sketch appeared then it is down to the one liners.

Quote: Park Bench @ October 13 2011, 7:50 AM BST

I take it there wasn't a joke about Big Ben actually being the bell, making the tower lean to one side, over time, like a penis ?

Don't think so. Sorry.

Due to an unfortunate mix up a grizzly bear was force fed 300 viagra pills and raped 25 Japanese tourists, Big Ben is still leaning sideways.

I wrote quite a few correction introductions so rest my hopes on one of those slipping through the net. I tried to stay away from Werritty and Fox being a couple incase they thought it was homophobic but if Justin was being camp maybe that's the angle they went with

All my eggs are in the tiny corrections basket by the sounds of it.

Quote: John Kelly @ October 12 2011, 11:41 PM BST

Went to recording tonight. Here's the sketches I remember:

Children play Quantitative Easing version of Monopoly, where you can give yourself more money by just writing yourself notes for billions of pounds.

Brucie gets knighted and treats the Queen as if she's in the Generation Game - this was clearly written by the production team at the last minute - they said it was hand-written.

Extract from report about women eating ice-cream too sensually.

Ed Miliband struggles to put new cabinet together, finds at least one shadow minister's slipped under the sofa, and he's put Dianne Abbott in the wrong way round.

Trailer for evening of programmes compiled from halves of different programmes, to save money at BBC, such as Tinker Tailor Byker Grove.

Trailer for children's film about Dr. Fox.

Appeal for Adam Werrity charity.

Dow Jones's Diary, spoof of Bridget Jones's Diary, but she has a fixation with the Nikkei instead of Hugh Grant.

Steve Jobs in Heaven admires the white purity of the design but has some ideas for improvements.

Big Ben is leaning to the left only because it's trying to escape from the Parliament it's come to despise.

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's kids are horrified to discover that rather than giving their puppy a bath he's actually cooking it in boiling water.

A policeman investigating betting corruption allegations reveals that bets have been placed on certain phrases being used on Newsjack.

A war reporter reports on the conflict at a children's party.

The Lords consider NHS amendments that seem to include Dr. Who references.

The Yeti which has been discovered is to appear on a variety of new TV shows, such as Yet I Claudius.

Paul writes a new song for Nancy and reveals that every Beatle wife has to have her own particular evil trait.

Old people remember their own childhoods in parody documentary about how childhood has changed.

I'm impressed, your memory is far better than mine! I also went to the recording last night and couldn't remember a thing!

Very good though, would recommend it for the experience. It simultaneously gives you a buzz that everyone in the room may find your joke hilarious but also a great fear that they won't. Of course, if like me, they don't read it out you don't need to worry about anything!

I'm still theoretically in with a shout with the McCartney new song, although mine featured a leg count which they're frowning upon.

*clutches at straw*

Whoo-hoo. The BBC sketch was mine.

Quote: Park Bench @ October 13 2011, 7:50 AM BST
I take it there wasn't a joke about Big Ben actually being the bell, making the tower lean to one side, over time, like a penis ?

Don't think so. Sorry.

I didn't send it in, I was just wondering.

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