Hello,
This is a short I made, take a look.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi6g7tvVQbk
Thanks very much!
Not quite a sketch, not quite a film.
Hello again. You are good performers (I think), the idea is good, and there are funny moments. You just need, for me, to cut out some fluff. It seemed to lose pace after the minute mark and pick up again nearer the end. It would be more satisfying with a stronger out, a twist perhaps ? I like the "I ate it" line but not convinced that should be your out. I also think you'd really benefit from a decent comedy editor outside your immediate 'circle'.
Hey Simon B,
Thanks for your incisive comments. Think you're spot on really. Will definitely get a couple of people to look over the next project before shooting. Cheers!
Quote: tips @ October 8 2011, 12:09 AM BSTHey Simon B,
Thanks for your incisive comments. Think you're spot on really. Will definitely get a couple of people to look over the next project before shooting. Cheers!
Get someone to look at your rough cut too. Try to remove the lull before the LOL.
Who are your influences, just out of curiosity?
it's well put together. The sick guy is very good in these shorts, I've seen him in a few videos now and I like his pace.
This sketch never really went anywhere for me after the first "point" so I'd agree entirely with Simon B. I didn't like the out and after the first minute the writing gets a bit flabby - I get the impression this was something you wanted to make quickly.
Your output rate is good though, stylistically it's interesting and if you could make the other two minutes like the first, it's excellent.
Quote: Bill Jaguar @ October 9 2011, 3:04 PM BSTWho are your influences, just out of curiosity?
Hey Bill Jaguar,
Big question! Some of the big ones of mine that spring to mind are Big Train, Ricky Gervais' sitcoms, Judd Apatow, and Steve Coogan. Peep Show, Spaced, and Human Giant.
Was there something it reminded you of?
Quote: comedyoflife @ October 9 2011, 9:34 PM BSTit's well put together. The sick guy is very good in these shorts, I've seen him in a few videos now and I like his pace.
This sketch never really went anywhere for me after the first "point" so I'd agree entirely with Simon B. I didn't like the out and after the first minute the writing gets a bit flabby - I get the impression this was something you wanted to make quickly.
Your output rate is good though, stylistically it's interesting and if you could make the other two minutes like the first, it's excellent.
Hey comedyoflife - you're right, it was quite a rush during filming!
Thanks for the commments, all onboard.