NJ - Neutrinos

Rejected!

Perhaps not surprising as I didn't even think of it until 11:44 on Monday and managed to send it off before the deadline.

JUSTIN:There's been exciting news from the world of science as subatomic particles have been found which appear to be travelling faster than the speed of light. We go now to our science correspondent, Suzie Muon at CERN for a technical insight.

SUZIE:Hello Justin. Einstein's theory of special relativity tells us that nothing can travel faster than the speed of light. It also tells us that the nearer you travel to the speed of light, the slower you travel through time.

JUSTINo if it's true - what are the implications of neutrinos travelling faster than light?

SUZIE:The implications would be quite literally world-shattering Justin! If neutrinos are indeed travelling faster than the speed of light then every single science textbook in the world will have to be completely rewritten!

JUSTIN:Even the biology ones? Surely a lot of science will still be perfectly valid?

SUZIE:No Justin. Every single bit of science will be wrong. If neutrinos are travelling faster than light, nothing is impossible. Going faster than light would mean going back in time. We'd see neutrinos killing their own grandfathers before they were born!

JUSTIN:I understand that the scientists involved are being cautious, that they aren't claiming this as established fact?

SUZIE:There's no going back now Justin! The world as we know it is at an end, this is the beginning of a new era. If Superman the Movie taught us anything, it was that going faster than the speed of light and travelling back in time is a bad thing.

JUSTIN:But didn't he save Lois Lane's life by doing that?

SUZIEid he Justin? Did he?

JUSTIN:Erm...yes.

SUZIEh, right. (PAUSE) But that was fiction Justin, this is hard, scientific fact. Einstein is quite literally spinning in his grave as we speak. The scientists might as well have dug him up and desecrated his corpse! This changes everything.

JUSTIN:But without current science working, I wouldn't be able to talk to you over the phone like this. If relativity had failed, then your GPS wouldn't have worked to get you to CERN today would it?

SUZIE:I don't think you're understanding the staggering implications of this discovery Justin. The whole of science is now obsolete. They might as well just shut CERN down now. That GCSE A* your son got in physics? Worthless! We're going to have to start again from the stone age and get it right this time.

JUSTIN:Isn't it more likely that there's been a slight measurement error somewhere? Isn't that why the scientists at CERN have released their findings and asked for help to verify them?

SUZIE:Newton might as well never have dropped his apples off the leaning tower of Pisa! Galileo should have just smashed his microscope. Alexander Fleming should never have worked out how to use radium to sterilise milk. The whole universe will be changed from this day onwards Justin! Never more will science be able to...

F/Xound of Suzie being cut off.

JUSTIN:Well. Science correspondent Suzie Muon there with a typically balanced report on the potential discovery of faster-than-light neutrinos.

It's well-written but it goes on a bit. Could do with a ruthless edit. And needs a better punch, but you probably know this if you were so close to the deadline.

I did laugh, so it does have that going for it

Dan

Yeah, not too terrible for a sketch which was literally 13 minutes from conception to emailing.

Agree with Dan. I love the idea and characters (I know you didn't create Justin - but you have him down), but an edit (or possibly developing the idea and throwing in an extra direction/dimension?) would have made it a winner.

13 minutes? You're damn good with dialogue

Sorry A, not zinging for me this time. And speed isn't everything even in CERN based jokes. Good dialogue as mentioned upwardsQ

Am I missing something but aren't neutrinos a particle of light? I.e. the fastest bit? So the speed cameras are out of date but not the theory.

Yes. You're missing something.

Photons are also elementary particles - i.e. it is not thought that they are made up of anything else.

Perhaps I should have used the extra minute and a half before the deadline to edit it a bit.

I might turn it into a Dan Slab sketch.

Each electron has its own neutrino, Marc! Don't you writers know anything!

Dan

Light isn't made of electrons!

Or particle?

Quote: Badge @ October 3 2011, 11:46 AM BST

Or particle?

View original

Spluttered tea everywhere

I thought of one the other day that involved the scientist answering justins question before he'd finished asking it.
I sent it in but it arrived before the original story was released.
Probably would have been rejected anyway.

This one worked for me, a very good take on media science reporting, with lots of clever gags. Possibly needed a better out.