Katie Price sketch (Newsjack reject)

This is one of three sketches I submitted for tonight's episode of Newsjack:

Katie Price

JUSTIN:
My next guest is a woman who's almost single-handedly popularised both breast implants and Peter Andre. (BEAT) Katie Price - welcome to Newsjack!

KATIE:
Hello Justin!

JUSTIN:
So Katie, I understand that you're launching an eponymous magazine?

KATIE:
(OFFENDED) Now, that's bang out of order!

JUSTIN:
What is?

KATIE:
You slandering my magazine like that! (BEAT) I mean, what gives you the right to describe it as 'eponymous'?

JUSTIN:
Well, the magazine is called 'Katie' - isn't it?

KATIE:
Yes, but what's that got to do with anything?

BRIEF PAUSE

JUSTIN:
Okay, let's move on! (BEAT) Now - the articles! (BEAT) Do you write them yourself, or are they mainly the work of ghost-writers?

KATE:
Justin, I'm a sceptical - I don't believe in ghosts!

JUSTIN:
No, that's not what I...oh nevermind! (BEAT) What are your hopes for the magazine?

KATIE:
I hope it makes me a lot of money!

JUSTIN:
Anything else besides that?

KATIE:
Well, I also want my fans to enjoy having a glimpse into my private life!

JUSTIN:
A glimpse? (BEAT) I'm sorry, but haven't you been living in a goldfish bowl for the past ten years?

KATIE:
No, I've been living in a mansion - silly!

I wouldn't worry about (BEAT) if I were you. The producers/actors can figure it out.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ September 15 2011, 5:41 PM BST

I wouldn't worry about (BEAT) if I were you. The producers/actors can figure it out.

View original

Thanks for the feedback.

The reason why I included so many (BEAT)'s in the script, is because I was trying to replicate rhythmically, how the dialogue sounded in my mind.

echo the (BEAT) comment entirely - it's really annoying. Actors don't like writers including too much direction in their script, they always think it's us telling them how to do their job.

I do often wonder if NJ are comfortable taking the piss out of an individual in such a direct fashion...

Lose the BEATs and keep the sketch rolling. There's plenty more you can do with this so don't cut and run so early.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ September 15 2011, 5:41 PM BST

I wouldn't worry about (BEAT) if I were you. The producers/actors can figure it out.

View original

Exactly! Well written and don't worry about that BEAT, people who do are just being petty. Nice one xxxx

The first impression of any written piece is how it is laid out, grammatically - for the required medium - not just the traditional sense. Might seem petty but the professional eye sees things that identify the writer as an amateur and are subsequently prejudiced. Over use of BEAT is one such thing. In a sketch it isn't so important I guess as a script... but nonetheless in any form of writing, if you are looking to sell it, try to get rid of ANYTHING that detracts from the merits of the work itself. You're job is to paint the vision in the readers mind and you don;t want to break that connection by too many directing type notes in the thing.

Newsjack tend to avoid gratuitous celebrities like Katie Price, unless there is a really interesting story about them. This isn't one of them.

It's relatively funny but not really funny enough.

Dan