Got a pasting table you can give me a good pasting on? I know this is shite anyway because it only got me a few spots on ITV4 FHM stand up comedy hero last year. I know its shiter than shite so I don't care if you slate it because I know its shite because its old and 2009, ive got tones more new stuff anyway so let go of all your negativity and slate the hell out of me on this old footage! http://youtu.be/a_VJ5-6zx14 
Did you write that Norwegian horse joke?
If so, I suggest you beg to the judge for mercy.
I know Judge mental, I can beg to him if you would like me to. No my mum told me it years ago, why is it something Keith Chegwin once said because Cheggars can't be boozers? Enlighten me.....
Im Sorry Ian are you of Norwegian heritage or do you look like a horse, sorry about that.
That was fairly entertaining but...
1 Calm them performances down a bit the shouty manic stuff is a tad wearing after bit.
2 Don't use well known jokes like the mood one. It's a waste of time filming something that isn't original.
3 Drop most of the puns. Unless you're really crafting them they're just a bit painful,
The hairdresser bit was easily my favourite, nice laid back and funny.
So overall you've definitely got potential, but the current version has enough major faults to make it not that enjoyable.
I know sooty,that's why I put it up because I know its shite, when you look back every year at your work and can critersize it yourself you know you have moved on so much. This is over two years old now. Ive learnt loads since. I love that hairdresser joke, its based on someone I know very well ,that's why my new work is based on people ive met or know. What do you mean about shouty stuff? What bit was that in please? When I did this it was an experiment and I was greatful to at least get some of my impressions shown on ITV but I know its old and painful so thanks for backing up what I already knew Sir. x
The energy is very loud and manic, lots of hand waving and staring etc.
And if you think this is shit and you wrote it 2 years ago why aren't you showing us newer stuff
?
Don't you trust us?
I have a 2 year old quiche under my bed. Do you want a slice?
Quote: Clare Harrison @ September 14 2011, 10:02 PM BSTI know sooty,that's why I put it up because I know its shite.
Please don't. Put something up when you think it is good. I am really not sure what the point is otherwise and as the cheesey ad said you don't get a second chance to make a first impression.
Unless they are identical twins maybe?
I only put it up because I don't mind a pasting and was interested what people thought because ive moved on loads since them. I wouldnt give you lot the pleasure of seeing my new stuff, ive sent it to the people who don't project their own shit onto other people , you know those people who are not jealous and bitter because they didnt get rejected from getting the part of Oliver in school. Ive noticed there are alot of people like this on where ready to jump at peoples efforts, most of it is personal projection so I thought id "play the game" with people on here and put something up here for people to really lay into because to me on here it seems there are very few positive people who want to encourage and beleive in people, although Dellas and Mark and Will and Aaron have been really cool, amongst a few others. Thanks anyway, see you on T.V, oh sorry, I was projecting, see me on T.V . x
Actually we're a pretty supportive community of writers, performers and observers. Quite a few of us have moved on or are moving quite nicely with our careers.
But we're also honest.
You're not shit.
You are lazy, derivative and over act. The video you sent would I guess be watched for about 1q5 seconds.
20 if the viewet was masturbating.
Might I suggest if you want some feedback you ask nicely sweety.
Quote: Clare Harrison @ September 15 2011, 1:54 PM BSTI only put it up because I don't mind a pasting and was interested what people thought because ive moved on loads since them. I wouldnt give you lot the pleasure of seeing my new stuff, ive sent it to the people who don't project their own shit onto other people , you know those people who are not jealous and bitter because they didnt get rejected from getting the part of Oliver in school. Ive noticed there are alot of people like this on where ready to jump at peoples efforts, most of it is personal projection so I thought id "play the game" with people on here and put something up here for people to really lay into because to me on here it seems there are very few positive people who want to encourage and beleive in people, although Dellas and Mark and Will and Aaron have been really cool, amongst a few others. Thanks anyway, see you on T.V, oh sorry, I was projecting, see me on T.V . x
It might be worth considering that you're at some fault here, Clare.
Think of this forum as a kind of 'anyone's welcome' party. Most people would agree the polite thing to do when you arrive at a party is to say "hi", talk a little about what you do and get to know people. That tends to be the way people make friends.
Instead what you've done is strutted in, announced yourself to everyone multiple times, hijacked every conversation going in an attempt to turn it around to what you're up to, reached into the back of your pants, said "Take a look at this shit, I don't even like it!", smeared it across the walls then shouted "You're all bitter and I'm a star!" when someone raises an objection.
I'm not saying there aren't embittered people on here but you've hardly gone out of your way to make yourself liked, have you? There are forums out there that seem to exist solely for the sake of a ding-dong but this really isn't one of them. You've rubbed some people up the wrong way already and complaining everyone's out to get you isn't going to make you any more popular. If you're really looking for criticism of your work (and not just a pat on the back) I suggest you post something that feels like it would benefit from a fresh perspective. Stick it in the Critique section with a polite request and you should see a markedly different reaction to the one you've got so far. I'm not saying that criticism will necessarily be kind, but with any luck it will be constructive. There are people on here that know their onions and can be a valuable resource if they feel like their time is going to be rewarded with consideration.
Hey S, youve got me in one, may I suggest you become a psychic with that talent, no seriously you have got me in one with the lazy thing, I admit that I love my sleep, but in what way would you please be so kind to elaborate? How does laziness reflect on my work please? Is it the way I deliver my jokes? They are old now anyway and I wouldnt use them again as that was seen and shown on ITV anyway and if it was any good I would have got somewhere by now and not be on here asking for advice. I do value your opinions and im really sorry I came in like a bull in a china shop and claimed I was something I am not, we are all in the same boat afterall and Like De'niro said to me when I was throwing away all of my smash hits magazines "Keep your friends close and your NME's Closer". Im still learning and I appreciate the fact you havent cast me out and told me I was acting like a knob jockey,well you did but I let that one go, I prefer centuar jockey they are much more spiritual. I really do need to filter out some old beliefs as in spirituality and psychotherapy and quantum physics and things ive learnt and not bring them to this table, it should afterall be all about the comedy. Thanks again for the feedback I will self examin now.... ohh look whats that doing up there! x
Thanks Dad, sorry I mean David, I will take what you have said into consideration, I really should have been quieter and chilled and took my time about it all . I know what im like and I can't change it im sorry but I will tame it down and be less in peoples faces with it all, I do admit I am at some fault here I really do and I should button it more I know. I did turn up like an Elton John fan club and throw down my tiara and feather boa at everyone, im sorry I really am, I will take your advice and im sorry you got this perception of me. I have got some people who inboxed me and liked my style though so really some people dig the way I made an entrance, I can make friends my own way but im sure your way is right and right for YOU! Not every one is going to like you, but some will, like my work and creations, some people will love it some will hate it. 'Great thinkers have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds.' Albert Einstein. If you have noticed the people who are most successful are the ones who shout the loudest and get noticed. But who am I to know, im hardly a star like you said and I obviously should not be who I am and tame down my opinions and stop being me. Sorry for being me but I will take heed. Fluffy feather boas to the people. Oh and thanks for taking time to tell me how it is and how it works, I really do apprecaite it even if I am still a bit of a wet behind the.................ears Diva.xxx
I mean lazy as in your using old jokes in one of the videos I watched.
Lazy as in not seeking to do anything original.
Also it's pretty clear you don't really rehearse many of your performances so they come of as loud and a bit annoying.
But focus on the hairdresser. That one was genuinely good and wouldn't look out of place on a sketch show,
I'm saying this as someone who's sketch writing is probably nudging 5 ffigures. Yup it was worth writing some as practise.
But if I want to get people's opinions, air time or money. Then don't put up stuff that isn't your best.
It's contemptuos and more likely to get you ignored or rejected. Think when you're selling your stuff that each time you've got a minute to get someone's attention.
Oh and by the way S, if you stopped wanking for one second you might beable to see the workthat's been put into my creations. Im sorry I did try to make myself a minger butthat's not possible unless I use an avatar with a question mark on it to hide the fact im really a minger! If the people who claim they are so bloody experienced and are "somebody" showed themselves on here in their true light and true colours with real faces ,instead of a poxy picture of something irrelevant, then I might take your opinions seriously, unless you are really someone kind and nice and its all a mask, maybe you are someone amazing like Vic Reeves? Single man... reveal yourself............
I do rehearse and I am loud and annoying, sorry im not of your taste!
D & S have given you very polite, considered and constructive replies. Why can't you see that?