Opinions wanted on new web series.

I've removed most of this post as I'm re-thinking the project I was asking about. I tried to delete it, but I couldn't. Sorry for any confusion.

Hiya, welcome to BCG- and well done for making and putting up the series.

Watched the first episode, and to be honest, didn't find it funny. I could have been intrigued and maybe felt there was some dry humour if the characters had been in a position to provide it, but you haven't explained the dilemma, which needs to be the crux of the viewer's involvement.
You haven't shown, or even implied, anything about the characters' histories or outlooks and why we should care. You've just got a bloke in a dress, which isn't in itself funny; you need to put work in to make it funny, because it's unexpected, or reveals something about a character, or is a way of allowing us to share their challenges.
The audition storyline doesn't entice me to watch more, because we know he can't sing- so there's no sense of expectation other than to see a transvestite humiliated. If you were trying to make him out to be a love rat so it's perhaps cathartic for him to get what he 'deserves', then this needs to have a bigger build-up in terms of us knowing about the lies he's told and the hurtful outcomes he can cause.
While the take on a type of relationship trouble is an interesting one, it doesn't negate the need for the script to be funny and the characters to be rounded. Just saying someone's pretending to be pre-op and is not really planning an op (which you haven't actually demonstrated in the episode) doesn't mean it's not still a standard relationship based sitcom, and needs to have originality beyond the basic premise to make it entertaining.

Sorry to be so critical, especially in response to your first post, but hopefully you'll find some of this helpful. Best of luck with developing and improving it.

Thanks for watching and thanks for your comments. It's certainly the harshest bit of criticism I've had yet. I just edited my original post as I feel it gave more information about the unfolding story than I should have. Cheers anyway and I'll take what you've said on board.

I also thought his singing wasn't that bad.

Quote: Hidden Shallows @ September 7 2011, 8:20 PM BST

Thanks for watching and thanks for your comments. It's certainly the harshest bit of criticism I've had yet. I just edited my original post as I feel it gave more information about the unfolding story than I should have. Cheers anyway and I'll take what you've said on board.

I also thought his singing wasn't that bad.

View original

Apologies, does he become a global superstar? I spoke too soon!
I probably wouldn't bother feeding back if it was truly dreadful, as there wouldn't be anything I could say to help (obviously, only my opinion)- it's just that there's a lot to do to make it as good as you can- which you're probably quite capable of, so good luck again

Well it's nicely acted and filmed.

It's also deathly dull.

Is this meant to be funny? Because there are no jokes or humerous situations and worse the characters are not at all clear.

I lasted 4 minutes and it just felt like 2 characters saying the same thing to character over and over. I think this feels under cooked at the writing stage.

Thanks again AJGO.

Sooty, was it really so bad that you couldn't get past the four minute mark?

Yup I'm afraid so.

You might want to remember that people who actually fund stuff rarely get past the minute mark.

Rather than getting miffed at my humming bird attention span I'd sit down and look seriously at your scripts.

I really wasn't miffed, just trying to clarify. Thanks again.

Hi Shallows. The problem you're having, I think, is that this is a comedy site and if your video was meant to be funny the laughs were buried too deep for me to find.

That said, it's great to see Marilyn Manson keeping busy.

Hello David, your post mirrors the thoughts I've been having this morning exactly. I realise it isn't comedy per se and wasn't really designed to be in the broad sense.

Thanks anyway.