The time you nearly died Page 2

I was waiting to do a right turn off a main road when a woman came roaring up behind and whammed right into me, knocking me across the path of the oncoming cars (one of which hooted! Did the bastard think I was doing it for fun?). Luckily I didn't have my handbreak on, so I soared across the road onto the grass verge at the other side. No great injuries apart from bruised legs and whiplash. Meanwhile my younger son's maths class had been lined up near the window waiting for the bell and they saw the whole thing. He didn't do too well in the French test that afternoon! If I'd had the handbreak on it would have slowed the car and the oncoming traffic would have been right into me - massive pile-up and I probably wouldn't be here.

Then who would have fed the fox?!

I'm not sure I've had many.
A conker (still in its pointy jacket!) fell from a tree and nearly hit my head today...?

HEALTH & SAFETY BANS CONKER TREES

There was that time when our plane had to make an emergency landing going to Mexico, which was prolly the most exciting.

I've also fallen out of a tree well over forty feet a few times, spun out on the interstate, and completely lost control skiing after I tore my ligaments.

Everything else is the boring stuff like tornadoes.

1 2 day coma from alcohol consumption
2 almost drowned trying to take a short cut in the sea.
3 ran self over with a tractor.
4 pulmonary embolisim leading to losing half of lung capacity for a week.
5 got strangled for a laff working the day shift in a psychiatric hospital.
6 almost drowned trying to take a short cut in the sea (second time)
7 got MRSA poisoning from infected excrement at work. (or was it a weird mutant virus still not sure)
8 Hit low wall at bottom of a hill at high speed on a bike catapaulting self 6 feet distance.
9 Told possibly psychotic colleague they were suspended (took it very badly)
10 Crossing busy Amsterdam thoroughfare stoned.
11 Hmm something else but can't remember it.

Quote: ellipsis @ September 5 2011, 5:26 PM BST

There was that time when our plane had to make an emergency landing going to Mexico, which was prolly the most exciting.

I've also fallen out of a tree well over forty feet a few times, spun out on the interstate, and completely lost control skiing after I tore my ligaments.

Everything else is the boring stuff like tornadoes.

View original

The same tree each time?

Quote: sootyj @ September 5 2011, 6:34 PM BST

10 Crossing busy Amsterdam thoroughfare stoned.

View original

Weed and trams don't mix well.

Quote: sootyj @ September 5 2011, 6:34 PM BST

1 2 day coma from alcohol consumption
2 almost drowned trying to take a short cut in the sea.
3 ran self over with a tractor.
4 pulmonary embolisim leading to losing half of lung capacity for a week.
5 got strangled for a laff working the day shift in a psychiatric hospital.
6 almost drowned trying to take a short cut in the sea (second time)
7 got MRSA poisoning from infected excrement at work. (or was it a weird mutant virus still not sure)
8 Hit low wall at bottom of a hill at high speed on a bike catapaulting self 6 feet distance.
9 Told possibly psychotic colleague they were suspended (took it very badly)
10 Crossing busy Amsterdam thoroughfare stoned.
11 Hmm something else but can't remember it.

View original

God, Sooty, what a colourful life.

Or is he a bloody idiot?
(For six of the listed events, anyway.)

Can't I be both.

There were lots of times I didn't almost die.

Quote: zooo @ September 5 2011, 7:48 PM BST

Or is he a bloody idiot?

View original

I certainly was; or at least, I was a teenager with a 900cc bike, which amounts to the same thing. I now realise I should have died on most days.

Quote: Juan Kerr @ September 5 2011, 6:35 PM BST

The same tree each time?

View original

Nah, that'd be silly.

Quote: sootyj @ September 5 2011, 7:55 PM BST

Can't I be both.

There were lots of times I didn't almost die.

View original

Mind you there was the time I went to see my wife in Newyork. Our marriage was a little rocky and she'd just taken this job with the Nokatomi corporation and I lost my shoes.

In the end I had to shoot Alan Rickman.

Just like every bleeding Christmas.