Hi everyone, this is a short film script I've posted on circalit. I'd appreciate any feedback.
1. INT. OPTICIANS (1970's) - DAY
Graham (10; little bob of brown hair and shy) is sat facing an eye test chart with the optometrist stood holding a small card over his left eye.
GRAHAM
(SQUINTING) A...B...C...D
Graham looks up at the optometrist seeking approval. The optometrist puts the card over his right eye.
GRAHAM
(SQUINTING) A...B...C...D!
OPTOMETRIST
Hmmm.
CUT TO:
2. EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE (INT. CAR) - DAY
Dad pulls up with a miserable looking Graham, wearing large NHS spectacles, staring out of the window. Graham sees his brother on the drive, imitating wearing spectacles with his fingers and laughing at him. Graham grumpily takes his glasses off.
CUT TO:
3. INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Graham enters and slams the door. He slumps in his chair facing a mirror on the desk. He puts his glasses on and tries a number of different 'cool' facial expressions, with his glasses at varying points down his nose. He finally pulls his drawer open and shoves his glasses to the back. He walks out of the room and slams the door.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
4. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD (1980's) - DAY
A teenage Graham (with 80's hair cut) is running around the field like a headless chicken. He runs towards goal but doesn't stop, going head first in to the net and bursting through one of the holes, leaving him humiliatingly suspended in the net.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
5. INT. CHURCH (1990's) - DAY
Graham (26; well-turned out) and his very attractive bride are stood at the altar; the vicar nods that they should exchange rings. Graham misses his wife's finger a number of times by varying distances; she snatches the ring from him and puts it on herself. She gestures he needs glasses.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
6. INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
Graham enters ward smiling gleefully as he approaches a woman holding a baby in bed; he attempts to embrace her and child but she madly flaps him away. Graham stumbles backwards. His actual wife (holding two babies; still a picture of beauty with flushed cheeks) is now seen in the bed next door looking at him disdainfully. She gestures he needs spectacles.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
7. EXT. PARK (PRESENT DAY) - DAY
Graham, beautiful wife and their well-turned out, 10 year-old twins are playing Frisbee. When it comes to Graham's turn to catch the Frisbee he grabs a metre away and is hit flush on the head; his kids laugh, his wife gestures he needs glasses.
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN:
8. INT. OPTICIANS - DAY
Graham is sat facing an eye test chart with lenses over his eyes. Graham accurately reads out the eye chart.
9. EXT. FRONT OF HOUSE (INT. CAR) - DAY
Graham (wearing stylish new spectacles), following his SatNav, pulls up outside a dingy, run-down looking house. He looks outside then back down at the SatNav, frowning.
CUT TO:
Graham stood at the front door staring up at the shabby facade. He doubtingly tries his key in the door; it opens.
10. INT. HOUSE - DAY
Graham walks through the house (which looks like that of a hoarder). In the kitchen at the end of the hall he sees a rotund woman from behind, stood at the sink wearing an unpleasantly skimpy nightgown. He goes to the living room; his kids (unkempt) are fighting, with the room in an absolute state. He takes his glasses off, to confirm what he fears, then slowly looks around; he puts his glasses back on and heads upstairs.
CUT TO:
11. INT. BEDROOM - DAY
The room is grubby-looking. Graham sits at his desk. He picks up a wedding photo next to the mirror. CLOSE-UP OF WEDDING PHOTO: we see Graham arm-in-arm with his wife (wearing an ill-fitting wedding dress with puffs of back fat bulging out from the sides) and his mother on his other side crying her eyes out. He stares in to the mirror, surveying his face for a short while, then slowly
takes his glasses off and hides them at the back of the dresser drawer, next to his very first pair of glasses. He looks in the mirror again and takes a chest-full of air. He gets up calmly and exits the room. The camera stays fixed on the room and after a short delay gradually blurs out of focus, the shot then slowly refocuses with the room now looking pristine.
FADE TO BLACK.
END CREDITS
...if you already have an account on circalit I'd also be grateful if you posted a comment/feedback/review/rating on there if you have the time.
http://www.circalit.com/adammk/projects/mytopia/
Thanks. 
If either of you enter the circalit short film comp I couldn't trouble you to post your comments/reviews up on the site?
