I am sure Gavin could conjure up some wonderful piranhas. 
COMIC: Fishy Page 2
Good point, he is a more talented artist than I could ever hope to be.
Dialogues still a bit clunky.
"The spa treatment I bought you"
"it's the same thing the spa use"
Feels like I'm reading "spa" too much in such a short comic.
How about:
"Eureka!"
CUT TO: Sara looking suspicious.
"I've finally finished setting up that home spa treatment kit. Didn't realize the fish weren't included though. So I had to improvise."
CUT TO: Squid.
It's funny how the characters always look unimpressed though! A bit more variety in the expressions might not be such a bad thing, it seems like all Gavin's characters look unimpressed, in other stuff too. Is this some intentional Gavin quirk?
I think we should do a Gav Idol or Gav factor ( we can work on the name later )
We can all PM him an idea for a cartoon & he can pick a winner, do all the hard work, & then post it up.
Sorry Gav
I did like the Cartoon by the way, and the last frame is brilliant.
Agree a bit with Leevil about the dialogue though
Brilliant visuals and reveal.
The squid design is wonderful! (one tentacle in the dish, ha)
If you refined the dialogue, prob agree with Leevil, box 1 maybe repeats what's said in box 3 about the market/spa. Box 1 could have him say 'Prepare to be pampered, money well spent' or something ambiguous, then 2 & 3 follow on perfectly.
Works really good as it is though.
Me offering advice on this is like me offering Rooney tips on scoring goals.
Cheers for posting up your work 
Quote: 404 Not Found @ August 26 2011, 10:56 PM BSTIn a written sketch, pirhanas would work better, but in a cartoon, it would be difficult to make it obvious in a picture that the fish in the tank are piranhas rather than any other breed of fish. A squid is better visualy.
Yeh the squid is more in your face so works better as a visual reveal. The way around with piranhas I thought is actually have her feet in but legs up to shin is just bone. little gruesome but visually poppy
Quote: Shandonbelle @ August 26 2011, 11:02 PM BSTI think pirhanas would be too obvious, I like the squid, very cute.
Ha thanks Sue the Squid lunch boxes coming soon! 
Quote: Leevil @ August 27 2011, 12:53 AM BSTDialogues still a bit clunky.
"The spa treatment I bought you"
"it's the same thing the spa use"
Feels like I'm reading "spa" too much in such a short comic.
How about:
"Eureka!"
CUT TO: Sara looking suspicious.
"I've finally finished setting up that home spa treatment kit. Didn't realize the fish weren't included though. So I had to improvise."
CUT TO: Squid.
I agree with you on that. After looking over it a few time the dialogue does trip over itself. I'll try your idea and post it up once finished replying.
Quote: Vader @ August 27 2011, 1:02 AM BSTIt's funny how the characters always look unimpressed though! A bit more variety in the expressions might not be such a bad thing, it seems like all Gavin's characters look unimpressed, in other stuff too. Is this some intentional Gavin quirk?
Yeh its kinda just a mixture of me being a bit lazy and what they look visually best doing. Plus MIke is a grumpy bastard and Sara is fustrated so character wise their not really happy happy. Point taken though about more variety I'll work on it
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ August 27 2011, 2:02 AM BSTI think we should do a Gav Idol or Gav factor ( we can work on the name later )
We can all PM him an idea for a cartoon & he can pick a winner, do all the hard work, & then post it up.
Sorry Gav
I did like the Cartoon by the way, and the last frame is brilliant.
Agree a bit with Leevil about the dialogue though
Thanks If you wanna set something up and send in ideasthat's cool.
Quote: Jack Daniels @ August 27 2011, 5:19 AM BSTBrilliant visuals and reveal.
The squid design is wonderful! (one tentacle in the dish, ha)
If you refined the dialogue, prob agree with Leevil, box 1 maybe repeats what's said in box 3 about the market/spa. Box 1 could have him say 'Prepare to be pampered, money well spent' or something ambiguous, then 2 & 3 follow on perfectly.
Works really good as it is though.
Me offering advice on this is like me offering Rooney tips on scoring goals.
Cheers for posting up your work
Cheers Jack Yeh I think the dialogue does need some work so I'll give it a go now and repost
Well I like it!
Could he be squirting a spray of ink into her face too?
How did I not notice the bunny slippers before?
That is a nice touch from Mr Gav there.
Quote: Corey O'Graffor @ August 27 2011, 5:20 PM BSTCould he be squirting a spray of ink into her face too?
lol, I think ink facials are a little dodgey 
Quote: zooo @ August 27 2011, 5:27 PM BSTHow did I not notice the bunny slippers before?
Quote: Leevil @ August 27 2011, 5:40 PM BSTThat is a nice touch from Mr Gav there.
Yeh and he's wearing a geeky comic book tshirt also. No one noticed that though .Thats fine.
I did notice it. No idea what it is though 
Quote: Leevil @ August 27 2011, 8:00 PM BSTI did notice it. No idea what it is though
Black Lantern Ring
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Lantern_Corps
